Gunston
23-02-14, 13:33
Hi guys, my name is Josh and I'm new here. I'm 20 years old and I'm currently studying and living in halls at the University of West of England (UWE) in Bristol, although I am originally from Brighton.
I have a lot on my chest so I think it's best if I just explain my history of anxiety and maybe you could help me from there (I know it's going to be a lot of text so I apologise, but I think it's easier if I just explain everything).
When I was 16 years old, I was mugged in February 2010 at around 7:00 PM at night. This event made me fearful of being out at night, even though I was used to going out with friends until very late and sometimes walking home on my own without any worry. As the year went on, I got better (I don't believe I had real anxiety at this point) and slowly built more confidence about going out at night again.
Later that year (October 2010) I was mugged again, which pushed me to one of the darkest places I had ever been within my life. I started feeling strange and began waking up in the middle of the night sweating and with my heart racing (which at this point, I didn't know was a panic attack). I had just started at college so I arranged some counselling for post-traumatic stress (as that was what I thought was bothering me). On Christmas Day that year, I had a full-blown panic attack and literally broke down and was begging my mum to take me to hospital as I had no idea what had happened. I struggled for the next week or two before going back to college and speaking with my counsellor, before she told me that it was anxiety.
This changed my life at the time because I actually knew what it was that was affecting me. My life got better and I actually felt like I had gotten over my anxiety, and I felt blessed. I was always worried about the following Christmas but when it came, I was absolutely fine and that was when I felt that I had been permanently cured.
In June 2012, I had a major anxiety breakdown and I felt like my life was falling apart for about a month. I went on holiday with friends (Zante) and I came back much, much better. I started a third year of college in September 2012 and had a fantastic year without any anxiety/panic.
In September 2013, I started at university and began living on campus. The first few months were absolutely fine until around the beginning of December when I was around people smoking weed (which I used to smoke rarely when I was younger) and I started to feel high, so I started panicking severely. The effects made me scared, and I felt terrible for the next few days but then things got back on track.
To cut to the chase, when I went home over Christmas, I had a full-blown panic attack and I felt like I had slipped all the way back down again, but I managed to get over it. I went back to university in January but I broke down again and I called my parents to drive up and take my home so that I could drop out. I got home and after one day I knew I had made a mistake and knew that it was my anxiety that had dictated my decision to leave university and I didn't want it to dictate anything else in my life so I went back the following day and actually arranged counselling for me once a week on campus, which was useful at the time.
Things were going okay, I was happy and managed to get on with my life at university and applied for a second-year transfer to a similar course at the University of Sussex (which is in Brighton) so that I could live at home, as I missed my friends and family dearly and wasn't really enjoying university life living on campus and away from home.
Anyway, a few days ago I had a major breakdown over nothing and I seriously don't know what is affecting me any more. I'm not sure if it's due to stress at university or what, because I just feel anxious about feeling anxious and it's tearing my life apart. I can't shake this feeling and I booked an emergency appointment on Saturday (yesterday) to see a doctor that day about receiving medication (something that I had never done before as I was always able to cope on my own) and the doctor at the hospital suggested propranolol but she told me to book an appointment with my new GP (at the doctor's surgery on my campus) as it would be better for me to create a bond with him, but the earliest appointment I was able to book is on Thursday (and I'm going home for the weekend Thursday morning and I can't get a refund for my bus and train booking).
I just don't know what to do any more, and I really want to start CBT but I don't want to start it up in Bristol. I just want to go home and recover but I don't want to ruin this first year of university even though I don't enjoy it whatsoever. I feel so lost in my life and my anxiety is constantly on my mind. I'm not suicidal but I get thoughts of just not wanting to live any more and I'm struggling.
Some advice would be lovely, but I know it's a lot of information to take in but please help me if you can.
Thank you,
Josh
I have a lot on my chest so I think it's best if I just explain my history of anxiety and maybe you could help me from there (I know it's going to be a lot of text so I apologise, but I think it's easier if I just explain everything).
When I was 16 years old, I was mugged in February 2010 at around 7:00 PM at night. This event made me fearful of being out at night, even though I was used to going out with friends until very late and sometimes walking home on my own without any worry. As the year went on, I got better (I don't believe I had real anxiety at this point) and slowly built more confidence about going out at night again.
Later that year (October 2010) I was mugged again, which pushed me to one of the darkest places I had ever been within my life. I started feeling strange and began waking up in the middle of the night sweating and with my heart racing (which at this point, I didn't know was a panic attack). I had just started at college so I arranged some counselling for post-traumatic stress (as that was what I thought was bothering me). On Christmas Day that year, I had a full-blown panic attack and literally broke down and was begging my mum to take me to hospital as I had no idea what had happened. I struggled for the next week or two before going back to college and speaking with my counsellor, before she told me that it was anxiety.
This changed my life at the time because I actually knew what it was that was affecting me. My life got better and I actually felt like I had gotten over my anxiety, and I felt blessed. I was always worried about the following Christmas but when it came, I was absolutely fine and that was when I felt that I had been permanently cured.
In June 2012, I had a major anxiety breakdown and I felt like my life was falling apart for about a month. I went on holiday with friends (Zante) and I came back much, much better. I started a third year of college in September 2012 and had a fantastic year without any anxiety/panic.
In September 2013, I started at university and began living on campus. The first few months were absolutely fine until around the beginning of December when I was around people smoking weed (which I used to smoke rarely when I was younger) and I started to feel high, so I started panicking severely. The effects made me scared, and I felt terrible for the next few days but then things got back on track.
To cut to the chase, when I went home over Christmas, I had a full-blown panic attack and I felt like I had slipped all the way back down again, but I managed to get over it. I went back to university in January but I broke down again and I called my parents to drive up and take my home so that I could drop out. I got home and after one day I knew I had made a mistake and knew that it was my anxiety that had dictated my decision to leave university and I didn't want it to dictate anything else in my life so I went back the following day and actually arranged counselling for me once a week on campus, which was useful at the time.
Things were going okay, I was happy and managed to get on with my life at university and applied for a second-year transfer to a similar course at the University of Sussex (which is in Brighton) so that I could live at home, as I missed my friends and family dearly and wasn't really enjoying university life living on campus and away from home.
Anyway, a few days ago I had a major breakdown over nothing and I seriously don't know what is affecting me any more. I'm not sure if it's due to stress at university or what, because I just feel anxious about feeling anxious and it's tearing my life apart. I can't shake this feeling and I booked an emergency appointment on Saturday (yesterday) to see a doctor that day about receiving medication (something that I had never done before as I was always able to cope on my own) and the doctor at the hospital suggested propranolol but she told me to book an appointment with my new GP (at the doctor's surgery on my campus) as it would be better for me to create a bond with him, but the earliest appointment I was able to book is on Thursday (and I'm going home for the weekend Thursday morning and I can't get a refund for my bus and train booking).
I just don't know what to do any more, and I really want to start CBT but I don't want to start it up in Bristol. I just want to go home and recover but I don't want to ruin this first year of university even though I don't enjoy it whatsoever. I feel so lost in my life and my anxiety is constantly on my mind. I'm not suicidal but I get thoughts of just not wanting to live any more and I'm struggling.
Some advice would be lovely, but I know it's a lot of information to take in but please help me if you can.
Thank you,
Josh