View Full Version : My story
As a new member I thought I'd get my story out in the open.
It all started back when I was in high school in 1993. I was sitting in the Science room and all of a sudden my head started to spin and I felt like I had to get out. Although it only lasted a few seconds it scared me and left me wondering what the heck just happened. I quickly got over it and thought no more of it.
In 1994 I passed my driving test, got my first job and carried on life as normal. No problems. Then one day whilst driving down the bypass I felt that lightheadedness coming on again and my heart began pounding and I started to sweat. Again, I got over it very quickly, but it brought back the memory of the Science lab and from that point onwards it became a part of my life.
I would worry about what it was and when it would happen again, which in turn made it happen. Then I'd worry about it happening which made the effects worse. Viscious circle.
Anyway, life became pretty difficult. I would constantly worry about it happening again which in turn brought on the panic attacks. At one point I refused to get out of bed in the morning, my work suffered, my personal life suffered and my parents sufferred as they had no idea what was wrong with me.
In 1995 I decided to visit the doctor. Seems hilarious now, but I remember sitting there and telling the doctor I thought I had the human form of CJD (mad cow disease). The doctor laughed and assured me it wasnt that (at the time I was so believing I was dying) I was prescribed a dose of Seroxat for anxiety which I took a few of but they made me feel so exhausted I stopped them. I still refused to believe that anxiety could be causing me so much upset.
Anyway over the years I have survived, and battled through. Some days/weeks even months are better than others and I went a full 2 years without a panic attack. Although I live daily with the dizziness and lightheadedness. This stops me doing normal day to day things, like standing in supermarket queues, going to standing concerts, even standing in a pub or club.
It only takes a second for me to think about the dizziness and it brings it on so much worse. "its all in your head" and "get over it" are the main support advice words most non sufferres can offer.
Over the past 10 weeks its gotten progressively worse again. However I will not be beaten, and I will beat this.
A warm welcome to NMP Liviguy and thank you for sharing your story with us. Maybe meet you in chat soon
love Sax xx
Hi Liviguy,
I have the same dizziness...all the time...it's driving me mad...have had it now constantly for about 6 months...
I don't have any advice at this stage as I'm still searching for the answers myself.
I'm new to this site and it's surprising to me how many people suffer from this, I had no idea... Makes me feel better in the sense that I'm not alone but still is so horrible to deal with.
I hope that you will feel better & better and if you have any advice whatsoever, please pass it on...
Have any meds at all worked for you? I am not into relying on medication but if I knew it would make me feel normal again, I'd give it a go.
Thanks for sharing your story... :)
I was prescribed Seroxat in 1995 and I do remember taking some of them, but to be honest it was so long ago I cant remember if they worked or not. I remember they made me so exhausted I couldnt function properly so I stopped taking them.
I seem to go through phases, some worse than others.
Knowing what is wrong with me makes it easier to deal with as I know the panic will subside after a short period.
Its my dizziness and lightheadedness that brings on my panic attacks. I can be sitting at my desk at work and get a wave of dizziness, which then sets me into a worry, which then turns into panic.
My eyesight is pretty poor at the best of times, so I am off to the optician this weekend to get glasses.
I am hoping that being able to focus on something may stop me feeling so dizzy. As it is just now, when I try look at something to take my mind off the panic, as I cant really focus on it, it makes me worse.
I understand re: the eyesight thing...I believe my eyesight has gotten worse since having anxiety, I'm sure it's to do with the extra strain you must put on your body when feeling like this constantly.
Definately get your eyes sorted, I actually got prescribed new contact lenses on Tuesday...
Hmmm...it's strange...and true that the more you focus on the dizziness thing...the worse it is. I find that if I'm talking to people it is not as bad as when I'm on my own... again I guess that's because I'm not thinking about it.
Oh for a magical cure...really fed up with this...so hard to explain to people as well. I get the feeling they think I'm mad or something.
Do you drive? If you do, do you sometimes feel like you shouldn't be driving 'cause you feel so dizzy? I find that it is affecting everything I do.
Funnily enough its the driving aspect thats affecting me the most just now.
About 10 weeks ago, I was sitting at traffic lights in the middle of town in rush hour and it just hit me from nowhere. I started feeling a bit restless and then the dizziness started. I just wanted to get out of that jam but felt trapped as I had nowhere to go.
I started sweating and shaking and feeling like I was about to faint. The lights changed from red to green but I never moved an inch as the jam was so bad. I didnt know what to do. The panic got worse and worse and I ended up throwing the seatbelt off and climbing into the back seat. Luckily my girlfriend was in the car with me and she took over the driving as I lay and calmed down in the back seat. If I was alone, I dont know what I would have done.
Since then, I have been really bad when driving. Resorting to long detours through quiet streets in order to save myself sitting in traffic.
I have suffered these attacks in the past, and happy to say that they will pass and I will get better. Its all about educating the mind.
For 3 years I was quite capable of driving on the motorway to get to work without even sensing panic, but for now it seems to have taken control of me again.
That's exactly how I feel when I fly...and I have to do it quite regulary which you think would help to conquer the fear but...it doesn't.
I think it's good that you're finding alternatives to conquering your fears...whether it's taking a different route to work and etc. I think sometimes that is the only way to keep going, otherwise it would be quite easy to avoid doing everything.
Hope you have a good day today and without too many dizzy spells and anxious feelings.
Take care :)
LickeyEndBlues
24-11-06, 09:51
Hi Livi,
Good to see you in chat last night and posting here. I can relate to what you are saying about "unhelpful thinking" and it is certainly that which is driving your anxiety.
In its simplest form, you know when you get the hook of a really irritating song in your head. You probably hate to hear it and you end up with the words going round and round. (think Bay City Rollers - Bye Bye Baby). It annoys us but eventually we lose it.
I feel your thoughts about issues that trouble you are the same, but you haven't worked out a way of switching them off. I was doing it for gaes with similar "I'm dying" thoughts.
You need some help on working out stragtegies to cope and deal with that. There is agood self help website which I will post here for you in a bit.
Meds do take a while to get into the system, but trust me it is worth the hassle.
Cheers
Iain
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?
Its the whole isolation thing which makes it worse. You think you are the only one in the world which has these problems. I find myself looking at people standing in queues and sitting on trains happily reading their papers and I am actually jealous.
Its only when you find others that have the similar anxiety problems that you realise how common this is.
Well, it's so good to 'talk'... I haven't really been able to talk to people who understand. I know they try to be helpful and understanding but I end up feeling like they think I'm stupid and I should just get over it...but, as you know, it's so not that easy.
I know what you mean about feeling jealous...I think that's completely normal, why wouldn't we want to feel 'normal' and not worry as we seem to see others not worrying.
But...from this website, I see that there are many, many people going through the same thing...
If you asked everyone on the train who was a sufferer, you'd probably be surprised how many people were.
I know that a few times on the train I have sat with my head in a newspaper, and to the outside sufferer, they might be looking at me saying "I'm jealous, I wish I could do that", when in fact the reason I have my head in a paper is to try and distract me. The real truth is I wouldnt even be reading the words, just quietly panicking to myself.
LickeyEndBlues
24-11-06, 11:08
Back from taxi- ing and shopping!!
Livi, Samjay good to see you new folks sharing here.
Meds..... most meds for anxiety take 3,4 even 5 weeks to kick in. I am currently on Citalopram 20mg/day. For me it was really ****ty going through the side effects with tiredness and nausea. I didn't have to worry about work and possibly not having my mind taken off them made it worse. I can say however that I am now in a better place. I know that the meds help address a chemical imbalance and that I need to address some issues myself along with support from others.
Bottom line...you need to really try to stick to them.
Self help site.... the one I am using atthe moment is........
http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/elearning/index.php
I have found it really useful as a stop gap to sitting face to face with someone.
Hope this is of help.
Cheers
Iain
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?
Thanks Iain...I have a Q re: meds...have you ever tried beta-blockers? ...These are of interest as they seem to not be addictive, from what I've read... they seem to provide an instant??? relief from anxiety...
Any advice you may have...would be greatly appreciated. :)
Thanks again...
yorkylover
24-11-06, 11:46
Hi I think we can all understand how you feel,as most of us here have similar problems.You seem very positive,which is really good.You will get lots of support here.;)
Ellen XX
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