Anxiety-induced eating disorder

[Wintear]

Hi, guys. I am new to the site. I am hoping to get on well with you all.

For the past three months, I have been under-eating and avoiding solid foods all-together. I have developed a rather intense fear of choking. I have battled with this phobia twice before in the past and miraculously managed to overcome it both times. It took so much out of me to do so, however. Bouts with this fear come at a hefty cost, especially to get over.

I have been drinking nutrition shakes like Ensure for my proteins, vitamins, and mineral intake. I also drink smoothies for that extra kick, so to speak. I'm alright with soft foods like tuna, cornbread, muffins, donuts, SOME cold cuts, etc. I have been trying my hardest to incorporate at least one solid meal a day as I am concerned that this bout will be my worst. I dread being hospitalized for malnutrition. Heck, sometimes I think to myself "maybe that's best at this point..."

This phobia only adds to my already debilitating depression. See, I was diagnosed with both GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and severe Depression at just age 8. I am 20 years old now. I guess you could say I suffer periodically with an anxiety-induced eating disorder...if that makes any sense at all?

I have been struggling these past few months and every day it feels like I am JUST barely clinging on to life, or a "normal" life, at least. Lately, all I have been wanting to do is SLEEP. I just want to sleep this all off as if it were one big, vivid nightmare or something. The reality of things is that I haven't woken up yet...this thing is very real. My list of recent symptoms that I THINK (emphasis on THINK as I also suffer from Health Anxiety) are triggered by my GAD/Depression are as followed :

Shortness of breath
Fatigue
Body weakness
Strange head pressure
Tight/heavy chest
Palpitations
Ice cold hands/feet
Muscle spasms/twitches
Racing thoughts
Inability to sit still
Weak/faint pulse
Rapid heart rate
Blurred vision
Ringing in ears
Occasional headaches
Seeing things (i.e. black spots, polka dots, flashing lights, squiggly lines - all are either directly in my line of sight OR I catch them out of the corners of my eyes. When I go to look/focus on them, they vanish..)
Crawling skin sensation
Difficulties getting/staying asleep
Poor/foggy memory
Inability to concentrate (short attention span)
Little to NO recollection of events (even if I JUST talked to someone or messaged someone, I tend to forget about whatever was said almost instantly..)
Depersonalization (feels as if I'm living in a dream-like state and can't make clear distinctions between what is real and what isn't...)
Agoraphobia
Hyperventilation
Tingly sensations (pins and needles)
Chest pains/left arm/left hand/fingers aches/pains
Dry mouth/throat
Involuntary muscle movement
Tensed muscles
Stiff neck/shoulders
Feeling of impending doom
Confusing dreams/vivid nightmares
Waking up with heart pounding (not racing, more on the lines of BOOM...BOOM...BOOM! Very slow-like...)
Sweaty palms/back of neck/armpits
Shakiness
Cold and clammy
Lightheaded/dizzy spells
Uncoordinated (when typing, texting, or writing in my journal..)

That's all I can think of for right now. SO sorry about the grocery list of symptoms, guys! >.<

Anyways...I guess I am desperate for answers here. Have any one of you experienced these symptoms I've listed above before? Have you gone through that specific phobia or similar phobias? What did you personally do to overcome your Anxiety and your Phobias? What worked best? How long did it take? What kind of support group (if you had one) did you have? Are you doing better or worse nowadays?

I'd REALLY like to hear back from at least one person on this forum!

Besides me being at my wits end and scared out of my mind that I'm going to wind up hospitalized or dead, I truly do hope that most of you are off doing well for yourselves and living your lives to the absolute fullest....anxiety-free and phobia-free.....

Be well on your journeys, everyone. Much love!

[Fishmanpa]

Hi Wintear,

I'm sure you'll get responses. This is a very supportive sight and you're not alone in your struggle. That's quite a laundry list of symptoms but I'd venture to say that you'll find all or most of them in the "Symptoms" list on the left side of the page. There was a thread just recently that dealt with the fear of choking. If you do a search you'll find dozens of posts and threads relating to your phobia.

I personally don't suffer from anxiety but I do have "scanxiety" as I'm a cancer survivor and get pretty stressed come check up time as you might imagine. I do deal with some depression but have a handle on that. The free CBT course available here helped me immensely and has helped others here as well.

You don't mention being in therapy, CBT or taking meds. Are you seeking help with your illness? At any rate, glad you found the site and I hope you benefit as many other's here have.

Positive thoughts

[Wintear]

Hi! Thanks for the reply! I am currently not seeing a therapist. I was given Ativan 1MG at the ER two months ago. But, I have not resorted to taking them ever since. Sorry for leaving that out!

[Sunflower2]

Hey,

I have on and off for years struggled with a fear of choking, the first time it happened I was 17 and I lost about a stone because I just couldn't eat barely anything! Somehow I managed to get over it, it just seemed to get less intense and then I forgot about it. It comes back every time something in my life gets really stressful but as long as I don't dwell on it and just accept it, I cope much better until it's no longer noticeable again! I was so worried something was actually wrong with my swallowing I was searching for a solution, but that only kept it going longer.

As for your symptoms, almost all of them seem familiar to me! I have general anxiety so I'll feel at least one of those things once a day! You won't be hospitalised or dead, I probably could have been as I was under 7stone at my worst, but I got through it and not once dragged off to hospital!

Hope this helps, I find this site has a lot of support :)

[Abi-Skinner]

Hi,

I too suffer from G.A.D. and can pretty much say I have had almost all of the symptoms on your list.
I have just started to eat again properly after two weeks, this wasn't because I was afraid to eat, but more because I just 1couldn't, I believe if your anxiety is really high and your over run with adadrenalin your digestive system shuts down. Some days I had to force myself to drink, it's awful.

Anxiety is also very good at creating "safety behaviors" which I guess you could call phobias. You avoid doing things in fear it will make your anxiety worse. Sounds really silly, but for me it was baths! I used to love having a relaxing bath, but my first panic attack happend in the bath, so for years I avoided baths in fear they would make me panic, until one day I had no option but to go in a bath, it was a quick bath, but when I got out I was fine, nothing bad happened and gradually over time I've been able to
enjoy baths again.

If your scared of choking, could you try eating something you used to really enjoy in someone's company, you'll be fine, but you can tell yourself that "if" anything were to happen that they would be able to stop it?

Hopefully you find some relief soon.