mgw
26-02-14, 11:11
I've posted on here quite a lot over the last few days, but I feel I really do need to again, to help me get this all out of my head.
I'm really starting to question whether what is wrong with me is anxiety, its not like how it used to be for me. Its changed now and I think this feeling is a lot worse.
I feel like I can never think straight ever, it feels as though my mind isn't there anymore. I can't think of what it is that's bothering me, and I feel like I can't even string sentences in my head. All there is is a horrible feeling of fuzzyness almost. I feel constantly like something is very, very wrong, and I have no idea what it is. It feels like something really terrible is happening, but again, I have no idea what it is. I can never seem to escape out of this. I feel all the time that I just want to escape from my body, I feel so trapped by it. Its a really claustrophobic feeling, and is really hard to describe, and I don't think I have done well here.
I am getting freaked out by anything and everything. I can sit watching the tv with housemates and it just feels so wrong. Anything I do feels wrong. It feels like the world around me is almost 2D, like I'm seeing it on a screen almost? Nothing seems like its normal, it all seems so wrong.
I keep getting freaked out about myself. Like, as a person? I don't see how I am a person, or what a person actually is. I look at other people and it just seems so wrong. Like, why is everything like this? It feels like over the last few months something has changed to make everything wrong and abnormal, but again I can't figure out what it is that's wrong.
These feelings seem to happen constantly. If I find myself for a split second feeling ok, I instantly think why, I feel like my mind has been numbed, and then it all starts all over again. I feel like I can never take my mind off this, ever, it takes up all of my time.
Previously for me my anxiety was largely about leaving the house, I'd have the spaced out feeling and shaking and stuff (never usually the fast heart beat though, which makes me think again this is not panic!). Now this happens, I get the physical symptoms when in university for example, but the worst bit is, the feeling of not being me, not being able to think, that my mind has gone, escalates and feels worse than ever. I feel this is really exemplefied when I sit in silence in lectures for example, I can't concentrate at all on what the lecturer is saying, all I can think is something is very very wrong, and that this isn't normal.
I feel so ill with this. I feel sick constantly, especially after I eat. I have headaches constantly that never go away. I ache and feel bruised all over. My eyesight is really effected. I feel so weak and tired all the time. I feel that standing up is often too hard and will make me pass out etc.
Recently I had some blood tests done at the doctors, my white blood cell count was high a few months ago at 12,500 and now has risen to 16,800. I have no idea why this is, and they are sending me to hospital for a liver scan. This has to me confirmed in my head that there is something wrong with me. I don't feel that this is anxiety, I'm not worrying about a particular thing, I can't think straight to do so. Everything just feels wrong.
I'm so down at the moment about this. I feel so useull and un alive. I just feel I have no future any more, and nothing will ever be okay again. I'm going to counselling which isn't really helping anymore, it improved me for a bit with the old anxiety symptoms, but is doing nothing for this. I'm really scared about how down I am because I'm starting to doubt my existance is worthwhile at all. Everything is such a struggle. Waking up is horrible because I know I'm still trapped inside this nightmare. I'm sorry if this sounds dramatic and attention seeking but I really do feel so low.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I can do to help. I enjoy nothing anymore, I can't watch tv, films, read, do work, go out, socialize. I'm just stuck like this.
I really want to feel like the old me again, but it seems that that has gone forever at the moment :(.
Sorry for this rant, I just don't know what to do anymore, this forum has helped me before, and I really hope it can help me again.
I'm really starting to question whether what is wrong with me is anxiety, its not like how it used to be for me. Its changed now and I think this feeling is a lot worse.
I feel like I can never think straight ever, it feels as though my mind isn't there anymore. I can't think of what it is that's bothering me, and I feel like I can't even string sentences in my head. All there is is a horrible feeling of fuzzyness almost. I feel constantly like something is very, very wrong, and I have no idea what it is. It feels like something really terrible is happening, but again, I have no idea what it is. I can never seem to escape out of this. I feel all the time that I just want to escape from my body, I feel so trapped by it. Its a really claustrophobic feeling, and is really hard to describe, and I don't think I have done well here.
I am getting freaked out by anything and everything. I can sit watching the tv with housemates and it just feels so wrong. Anything I do feels wrong. It feels like the world around me is almost 2D, like I'm seeing it on a screen almost? Nothing seems like its normal, it all seems so wrong.
I keep getting freaked out about myself. Like, as a person? I don't see how I am a person, or what a person actually is. I look at other people and it just seems so wrong. Like, why is everything like this? It feels like over the last few months something has changed to make everything wrong and abnormal, but again I can't figure out what it is that's wrong.
These feelings seem to happen constantly. If I find myself for a split second feeling ok, I instantly think why, I feel like my mind has been numbed, and then it all starts all over again. I feel like I can never take my mind off this, ever, it takes up all of my time.
Previously for me my anxiety was largely about leaving the house, I'd have the spaced out feeling and shaking and stuff (never usually the fast heart beat though, which makes me think again this is not panic!). Now this happens, I get the physical symptoms when in university for example, but the worst bit is, the feeling of not being me, not being able to think, that my mind has gone, escalates and feels worse than ever. I feel this is really exemplefied when I sit in silence in lectures for example, I can't concentrate at all on what the lecturer is saying, all I can think is something is very very wrong, and that this isn't normal.
I feel so ill with this. I feel sick constantly, especially after I eat. I have headaches constantly that never go away. I ache and feel bruised all over. My eyesight is really effected. I feel so weak and tired all the time. I feel that standing up is often too hard and will make me pass out etc.
Recently I had some blood tests done at the doctors, my white blood cell count was high a few months ago at 12,500 and now has risen to 16,800. I have no idea why this is, and they are sending me to hospital for a liver scan. This has to me confirmed in my head that there is something wrong with me. I don't feel that this is anxiety, I'm not worrying about a particular thing, I can't think straight to do so. Everything just feels wrong.
I'm so down at the moment about this. I feel so useull and un alive. I just feel I have no future any more, and nothing will ever be okay again. I'm going to counselling which isn't really helping anymore, it improved me for a bit with the old anxiety symptoms, but is doing nothing for this. I'm really scared about how down I am because I'm starting to doubt my existance is worthwhile at all. Everything is such a struggle. Waking up is horrible because I know I'm still trapped inside this nightmare. I'm sorry if this sounds dramatic and attention seeking but I really do feel so low.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I can do to help. I enjoy nothing anymore, I can't watch tv, films, read, do work, go out, socialize. I'm just stuck like this.
I really want to feel like the old me again, but it seems that that has gone forever at the moment :(.
Sorry for this rant, I just don't know what to do anymore, this forum has helped me before, and I really hope it can help me again.