imageek
26-02-14, 11:56
I'm so sick of anxiety. Really getting to me. After 10 years I am still just as bad as I was when it first hit me.
Today I went to the doctors to get a sick note. Anxiety has put me out of action for the next 2 months, doctor has labeled me unfit for work.
Been told to stop drinking completely. Which I am doing. And to take my meds. Which I struggle to do because I worry to much about the side effects. The tiredness from citralopram kicks me in the butt!
Just now I was sitting on the sofa, started to feel like I was going to puke. I was reading a medical article before it happened, and it got me worked up (I have cardiophobia and hypochondria too). Next moment I felt sick, stomach was really hurting. Went to the toilet and had a number 2. Got up, intense stomach pain, had to stand at the bathroom window and get some air. Then had another poop. Now it's all gone. All I am left with now is the aftermath of a horrible panic attack.
I have noticed for years my panic attacks bring on pooping. And the poop is usually soft, or even diarrhea. One time I went for a job interview and ran off the buss, and had to beg the lady of a bakery to use her toilet. That was an awful experience.
Today I've used the toilet about 7 times. No joke. And it's not even 12pm. First when I woke up, pre-doctors appointment. Then when I got back. We have people coming to view the house in a moment for a potential buy (landlord is selling) so maybe that's causing stress.
Why, oh why, does anxiety have to ruin my life.
At times the attacks are so bad I honestly think I'm about to die. And I've had to deal with this for 10 bloody years without any give!
It doesn't matter what the situation is, I am still in full anxiety mode. I was paid a nice healthy 5k the other day for doing a bit of programming for someone. I should have been over the moon and gone and spent it on some new goodies, but I didn't. I got my girlfriend to go out and pick up what I wanted for me. This sort of happiness and excitement used to kill my anxiety for a few days, or even a week if I was lucky. Not any more. Anxiety has become immune to that.
And to make matters worse, my doctor told me the chance of a complete cure from anxiety is very slim. Our brains are not wired correctly and we will always have it in the back of our minds. The only thing we can do is learn to make the attacks go away when they happen. Not sure how true she is, but she said most of her patients with anxiety have never gotten over it, they just learn to adapt and learn to feel good about themselves which in turn puts them back in control but in the long run anxiety will always fight you, you just have to be strong enough to fight back.
Why can I never feel positive and happy no more?
Today I went to the doctors to get a sick note. Anxiety has put me out of action for the next 2 months, doctor has labeled me unfit for work.
Been told to stop drinking completely. Which I am doing. And to take my meds. Which I struggle to do because I worry to much about the side effects. The tiredness from citralopram kicks me in the butt!
Just now I was sitting on the sofa, started to feel like I was going to puke. I was reading a medical article before it happened, and it got me worked up (I have cardiophobia and hypochondria too). Next moment I felt sick, stomach was really hurting. Went to the toilet and had a number 2. Got up, intense stomach pain, had to stand at the bathroom window and get some air. Then had another poop. Now it's all gone. All I am left with now is the aftermath of a horrible panic attack.
I have noticed for years my panic attacks bring on pooping. And the poop is usually soft, or even diarrhea. One time I went for a job interview and ran off the buss, and had to beg the lady of a bakery to use her toilet. That was an awful experience.
Today I've used the toilet about 7 times. No joke. And it's not even 12pm. First when I woke up, pre-doctors appointment. Then when I got back. We have people coming to view the house in a moment for a potential buy (landlord is selling) so maybe that's causing stress.
Why, oh why, does anxiety have to ruin my life.
At times the attacks are so bad I honestly think I'm about to die. And I've had to deal with this for 10 bloody years without any give!
It doesn't matter what the situation is, I am still in full anxiety mode. I was paid a nice healthy 5k the other day for doing a bit of programming for someone. I should have been over the moon and gone and spent it on some new goodies, but I didn't. I got my girlfriend to go out and pick up what I wanted for me. This sort of happiness and excitement used to kill my anxiety for a few days, or even a week if I was lucky. Not any more. Anxiety has become immune to that.
And to make matters worse, my doctor told me the chance of a complete cure from anxiety is very slim. Our brains are not wired correctly and we will always have it in the back of our minds. The only thing we can do is learn to make the attacks go away when they happen. Not sure how true she is, but she said most of her patients with anxiety have never gotten over it, they just learn to adapt and learn to feel good about themselves which in turn puts them back in control but in the long run anxiety will always fight you, you just have to be strong enough to fight back.
Why can I never feel positive and happy no more?