Major Blip

[Tanner40]

Wow, the dragon had not showed his full presence in quite awhile and it looks like he had been saving up strength. Full fledged insomnia last night, not sleeping until 4:30AM. Arms burning, chest burning, occasional flashes of left side chest pain, and tons of nausea. And then dragon there in a new trick. Back rib cage pain, almost like a constant catch in my ribs.

The dragon made me afraid, yes he did. I trembled in fear like a samall child, who had for gotten her ABC's. It was as if I had forgotten everything that I had learned. I almost went to the ER twice but didn't go. I convinced myself that it was a heart attack and if it wasn't that, then I was sure that it was side effects of the current antibiotic, Bactrim. I've had five out of ten days of the Bactrim and don't want to take anymore.

March is the biggest month for anxiety for me, as every woman on my Mother's side for the last four generations, has died during the month of March. Oh, the Ides of March, and it's personal meaning to me. I generally live in fear every day during the month until March is over.

My partner is getting ready to go to Atlanta for a couple of weeks to take care of her ailing Mother and I will be home alone, taking care of the house, three dogs and two cats, and work. And my Dad is being released from the rehab center today and has an appointment with the oncologist on Friday to discuss chemotherapy.

I am worried and frightened that I have too much on my plate and that I can't handle it. I am worried about the quick twinge still happening in my left chest this morning. Is it my heart? God only knows I have felt like this before and it has been anxiety. But I keep what iffing myself to death. Imfeel like the little boy that cried wolf.

Sorry for the rant. This morning, I don't want to have anxiety. None of us ever do, do we? I have an annual physical tomorrow with an EKG. I guess that's a good thing.

[Fishmanpa]

Ok Tanner.... take a breath...

It's a blip... nothing else. You're seeing your doctor and will have the reassurance that you're a healthy young woman. That should quell the Ides of March thing. The reality is that March is the month of renewal and rebirth as the 1st day of Spring is March 20th! YAY! After the 2014 Winter of discontent we've had, that day is very welcome :)

I know what you're feeling as I just went through a "scanxiety" attack last week. Had to have a full cardiac workup. I felt many of the things you've been feeling and even now, my chest is still sore. While I don't have a Dragon living in my cave, I do have the "Killer Rabbit" ~lol~ Fortunately, I also possess the "Holy Hand Grenade" for when he shows his face.

You've become quite the Dragon Slayer in the last few months. Your suit of armor is solid. You have one of the sharpest swords in the kingdom. The worst the Dragon can do is make it a little hot under your feet ;)

After all you've been through the last couple of months, I know you can weather any storm. Just know that storms pass and the sun comes out afterwards.

Positive thoughts

[Althea]

I'm impressed that your HA is actually very polite, Tanner, kicking up right before you have to go to the doctor anyway:)!

You absolutely can do this, and you absolutely can decide how to do this. The house isn't going to fall apart if it's not cleaned for a week or two (if it were, my house would have collapsed many times over), and the animals can go with some basic care for a while. And if you cry because it's hard, that's still handling it. If you get sore because you get anxious, that's still handling it. Nobody does something like this without strain. But you're controlling your behavior and understanding what's causing the fear. It'd be nice if that were rewarded with the fear backing away again, but even if if doesn't, you'll manage--because you're doing it right now.

[Tanner40]

Thanks Fishmanpa and Althea. It has definitely been a stressful past two or three months and I just have to keep handling it. An occasional blip is going to occur, but I must admit that I don't like it. Fishmanpa is right , as this has definitely been the winter of our discontent. I am so ready for the rebirth and renewal of spring.
My anxiety got better as the day went on. Only to get written up at work by my director yesterday afternoon. She says that I have not been displaying leadership qualities the last two months and that I have been stressed and reactive. Short with employees. She is probably right about that but it's pretty insensitive. So now I get to add updating my resume to my list of things to do, as I need to feel secure in my job. She is the type that holds grudges and feels I have undermined her authority by questioning her decisions. This won't stop with a simple write up.
So now I get to add a job search to my list of things to do.

[phonoodle]

somebody save us!

[MrAndy]

keep fighting tanner :hugs:

[Tanner40]

Ah, it's been a much better day today. It's amazing what can happen when we accept the blip as just a blip. My annual physical was great. EKG great, blood pressure great. I'm still breathing.
Spent some quality time of my choosing with my Dad
Had a couple of good talks with my Director and we are working on rebuilding some trust. Deep breaths. All is well today.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Tanner,
So, so glad to hear your day is going better! I've been thinking about you lots! I have had two sick kiddos and a sick hubby, so I haven't been posting much, but have popped in to see how everyone was doing and was following your threads.
Will try to write more later tonight, but wanted to say hi and send you some hugs from Kansas!

[saab]

It's a bump in the road. When you have a serious physical injury or illness, you don't expect to feel better every single day. Sometimes you feel worse, then better again. Anxiety is the same and there will always be set backs before you start feeling better again. Lack of sleep is terrible for my mental health, so I expect that has a lot to do with how you felt too.

[Tanner40]

Thanks Too Much and Saab. I've missed you Too Much. Sorry to hear about the skidoos and the sick husband. Sounds like you've had your hands full. I now have a sick dog on my hands which is no fun. Just had to run out and buy a new carpet cleaner. Fun times.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Hey Gal,
Missed you too! How are you doing these days? Is the doggie better? Nothing like cleaning up puke and poop!