Head goes 24/7.

[Charlie38]

I am so mentally exhausted, but it takes me about 4-5 hours to get to sleep, if at all. My head will not stop, constant anxiety about everything, looping thoughts/flashbacks and 'scenarios' being repeatedly played along with self hatred, shame and panic.

Bedtime used to be my saving grace but now I dread getting into bed to have exactly the same feelings that are there all day, every day.

I also have this thing (have for years) about needing to be prepared... so now sleeping doesn't fit that because I would not be prepared. That makes no sense whatsoever.

Just wondered if any one else can't ever switch off and if there are any hints on how to...I really need to sleep. I've tried all the usual things, but none switch my mind off.

Thanks.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Are you familiar with any mindfulness exercises or progressive muscle relaxation exercises? They are truly beneficial. Let me know if you need some ideas in that direction.

[Charlie38]

Hi TooMuchToLiveFor,

I have tried the muscle relaxation techniques, starting from my feet up, and it used to work but not any more. I know about Mindfulness but not enough...I would be very grateful for your input on how to do it.

I did wonder today if changing my room around might help so that the layout of where everything is would not be associated with no sleep...if you see what I mean?

Thank you very much for replying.

[greggs92]

The more you feed your mind with positive stuff, the more you'll bury the anxiety - it can take time because anxiety has become a learnt behavior and needs to be replaced with positive neural pathways.

[Charlie38]

The more you feed your mind with positive stuff, the more you'll bury the anxiety - it can take time because anxiety has become a learnt behavior and needs to be replaced with positive neural pathways.

Actually this is very true, sometimes when the overwhelming thoughts come, I pretend to be somewhere or with someone lovely, and it does work some nights. It's kind of like a battle in my head...negative memories/thoughts over 'pretend' positive ones fight each other until one wins, then whichever one wins I either give up and stay up all night or fall asleep.

I always want to learn how to Lucid dream, I really think that it would help.

Thank you for replying.

[NorthernGeek]

I know exactly how you feel because I have suffered from exactly the same thing for almost my entire life.

Things had been getting worse over the last few years & then last November I had some sort of mental breakdown & finally got help from my doctor who put me on Citalopram (currently 40mg).

The depression & the constant battle in my head are still there, but the Citalopram muffles the negative internal voices sufficiently that I can cope most of the time. Also, I can now usually break negative thought loops by distracting myself with something positive, rather than being stuck with them for hours or even days.

I still have bad problems sleeping though & find that listening to playing looped mp3s of 'white noise sounds' usually drowns out the negative internal voices enough for me get to sleep.

I bought a bedside alarm clock with a built in mp3 player & usually leave it playing all night, but if you have a partner that might drive them crazy!

Hope things improve for you soon

[Charlie38]

Hi NorthernGeek,

I am sorry that you have suffered for so long :(

The constant battle is so hard to deal with isn't it? I try distraction but it all seems to revert back to the relentless negative things within such a short time.

The day time things are bad enough but for it to carry on through the night is soul destroying sometimes.

May I ask where you got your alarm clock from? I would like to get one. And no partner to annoy so it sounds good.

I really am sorry that you have had this for so long, I do empathise as mine has been with me for 31 years now and now that it has all encompassed into night times too I am not sure how to get through it. I was always very lucky with sleep, and really didn't appreciate just how much that night time break meant.

I sincerely hope things improve for you too and I am glad that the Citalopram has worked for you to get a break for part of it.

[Charlie38]

I can't bear this, I really can't bear any of it. There is just too much and I can't even tell anyone the actual reason for it all for a few months. Can't stand it.

[Phuzella]

Is there no one you can talk to?

[Charlie38]

It's so complicated... It relates to the reason for the PTSD so I could talk to legal professionals but not to anyone personally with details.

Not sure if that makes sense. I actually sent a couple of emails with everything -all the details, about it to a couple of worried friends and I am now so scared about the fact I told them. Ohhh, sorry to sound so cryptic about it. It's impossible to explain and extremely isolating.

[Phuzella]

I understand. What did the friends say? Can they help you at all?

[NorthernGeek]

Hi Charlie,

The clock I bought was from 'Hi Fi Tower' called 'Majestic 1322MP3 Alarm Clock Radio USB', but it doesn't seem to be in stock any more. I originally found it by just googling 'Alarm Clock MP3 USB' though & there seem to be several reasonably cheap alternatives on Amazon.

I got my 'White Noise Sound Loops' by googling 'White Noise MP3' & eventually found a website called www.whitenoisemp3s.com (http://www.whitenoisemp3s.com) where there are lots of different sound loops & all of them have free samples. Being a bit of a geek I found that the 'Cryostasis Chamber' one works best for me, but there are plenty of more normal things like 'Rain, Ocean Waves' etc.

I hope this works as well for you as it did for me. As long as I am not too agitated & don't try to go to bed too early, it usually keeps my head distracted enough to get to sleep. Sometimes the negative thoughts are still too much though, in which case I leave 'BBC News 24' on all night in the background, which allows me some sleep even if I wake up quite a few times.

Whilst the Citalopram my doctor prescribed helps quite a lot, I still find it hard to sleep & can't manage it at all in total silence any more. When I see people on TV talking about sitting in silent meditation it makes me laugh, as for me that would be absolute hell.

I hope things improve for you soon.