Work dilemma

[NE21 worrier]

Hello folks,

It's been a while since I've posted so sorry about that, and apologies for the length of this post too. I've generally been coping well recently and in such a way that, while anxiety can still haunt me, I am able to prevent it from turning to outright panic. Last weekend, for instance, I was down in London for a friend's birthday and had a wonderful time.

This week's return to work has been tough with a number of difficult calls to deal with (I work in a government contact centre), and a half-written end-of-year appraisal which I have no real desire to finish. I have written about how the job impact on my anxiety before, I even had two months off work last year with exhaustion, and I would be lying if I said it didn't continue to have an effect.

The contract was actually due to end in March but has been extended to September - I'm not sure what happens after then. But, as I thought there was the possibility of me losing my job in March, I did look around elsewhere, and I have actually been offered a permanent position in a (usually less stressful) back office role - subject to security checks.

BUT

Yes, there was always going to be a 'but'... this new job is part-year (January-end of September) and part-time, evening work (20 hours pw) whereas my current job is full-year, full time.

I am 30 and still living at home with my parents. While I have moved out before, I haven't lived independently since 2007 when I found it a massive struggle (didn't even know I had anxiety then, instead got treated for all sorts of bowel problems, which I now know was just IBS from anxiety).

I have a desire to move on with my life though I am not impatient to do so, as my parents are actually lovely people. My dad drinks far too much, and I have these tendencies myself, but my home life is generally happy... and actually a bit of a cushy number.

There are a couple of other worries for me if I took the evening position:
(1) I am aware from previous experience of working this sort of shift that I am not the most self-motivated person in the world, and I've had the tendency in the past to shut myself in my room during the day - not a good thing to do if you're susceptible to low mood.
(2) I fear a damage to my standing among my friends, some of whom are career driven. I think they would think I was mad giving up a FT, full-year position for a part-time part-yr position, albeit a permanent one, because I have worked hard in my current job to move from a part-time position to a full-time one.

Now, problem number (2) would be solved if I could use the time offered in problem number (1) to good effect. I have a plan in my head to return to university a post-grad course, strangely enough to actually become a therapist (for low-intensity anxiety) but I have no idea if I will have missed the deadline for a 2014 intake? Any ideas?

Money would not be so much of a problem, even without funding, as I would be living at home and working but I would need to demonstrate more commitment to a project than I have for a long time (perhaps since finishing my journalism degree in 2005). In fact, that perfectly illustrated my point - I decided I couldn't hack that industry, pardon the pun, even after a further try alongside an accredited NCTJ course in 2008.

It's a basic lack of self-belief which drives my low self-esteem and anxiety, and I'm worried the same thing would happen this time, and I would be left with just a part-time, part-year position. I keep thinking perhaps I should wait for something better to come along but, at the same time, I know it is still better than what a lot of people have at the moment.

Nevertheless, this still seems like it is a really crucial decision in which direction I take with my life. Thanks for reading and, while I know it is ultimately my life and my decision to make, any feedback would be great.

Thanks,
Peter x

[NE21 worrier]

Just a quick update on this, then:

I've decided to go for the new job, having come to the realisation that I will never be truly happy where I am. Yes, it is going from a full-time position to a part-time, part-year role - but, then again, I may not have my current job beyond September whereas this role is permanent, something which will hopefully result in me being able to develop on a long-term basis.

Alternatively, or additionally(!), the part-time hours will give me opportunities to explore or study. I'm a little nervous as I tend to be averse to change but, truly, I feel as if the cards are in my favour.

Anyway, the actual reason why I've posted in this thread is because I've got a health assessment for the new job to fill out... pretty standard stuff. One of the questions is

Have you ever had any illness/impairment/disability which may have been caused ormade worse by your work? If yes, please give details below or in section 4.

Well, I was off last year for two months between April and June with anxiety/emotional exhaustion related to a change of duties at my current job. Is
this something which I would need to declare here?

Please help. Thanks,
Peter

[Annie0904]

I am not sure how to answer that question as I didn't think they were allowed to ask questions relating to health at this stage. I will see if I can find out more but I guess you will have to be honest as they may be able to check up. I would emphasise though that you are in a much better state now and have the anxiety under control.

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks for the advice, Annie. This is what I have written:

I have had issues with work-related anxiety in my Contact Centre role, leading to a two-month absence in April and May 2013 following a change in the line of business.

I subsequently sought professional help, and my condition is much improved to the extent that a similar change in the line of business in January 2014 caused no relapse.

Thanks,
Peter

[Annie0904]

That sounds good Peter :)

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks Annie :)

Gah! I just hope I'm doing the right thing :unsure:

Peter

[Annie0904]

You will never know until you do it but knowing how stressed the other job has had you, then I would say yes you are! Also as you say it will give you time to take up some study.

[MyNameIsTerry]

My job was the main reason for my anxiety & depression strating (and enduring) as it was an endless amount of projects that just got replaced by even more and I slowly lost my life as I was working rather than putting my time into what matters...family, friends, myself, etc. The 2nd time I hit rock bottom, I left so I didn't have the option of returning and getting stuck in the same old negative routines of endless work and no life, which I think was a way of avoiding the anxiety/depression that I thought I would feel if I wasn't busy.

So, I think you are doing the right thing for yourself. For a start, you said you struggle with change but you are embracing a biggie by changing jobs and it's a positive step forward. Think what would you be like in a year from now in your current job. If the answer is, still not moving forward and getting better, perhaps that answers it.

As to the status thing.

Is this something you know your friends think i.e. are they all about the most expensive car, best clothes, look at my house, etc. Is so, I can understand your concerns because you feel you will not fit in. However, aren't friends supposed to like you for who you are? It's my opinion that your friends should and they should be happy that you are happy. They should be supportive of your change.

If your friends are not chasing the money, perhaps it's part of the negative thinking traps we all fall into. Maybe, if you spoke to them about it, they would say they don't care as long as you are happy? I can understand they may think it's throwing away a career, backing down when you should fight, etc but that would be thinking of it in terms of themselves without your issues. It's hard for people to understand our challenges really, I didn't before I had them...you have to feel it to know how deeply it can disrupt your life. If they just want you to be happy and accept you for who you are, they won't want you staying in a job that is causing you these problems...they would want you to get better.

Also, if that job is ending, you could just say you are taking this as an interim whilst you look around. Besides, unless you have found the job of your dreams, who's to say you won't feel in a better place soon and start looking for things to go further on in your career.

I know what you mean because I'm in my thirties and there is an element of "to be successful you musy have X, Y & Z" but it's worth nothing if you aren't happy. When I was struggling with giving my job up (which I had been in for some years and worked my way up) I was unhappy that I had spent those years learning and now was throwing it all away and my dad replied "son, life's too short, why do all that and look back in later life and feel unhappy about what you didn't do". So, I quit. I firmly believe I would have been slipping in and out of those issues because where I worked had that type of culture which would never change, so I had to.

I don't know you or your friends so it's hard to say for sure, but I hope they are supportive and that this is something your anxiety has put inside you for now. For me, if it's all about status & jobs, it's more work colleagues than real friends but I hope thats not the case for you.

All the best.


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