Wintear
01-03-14, 22:21
I had another episode earlier today while attempting to take my mind off things by trying to bake a batch of brownies for my family. My mom suggested it as she is a fan of my cooking, hah.
Anyways, all it took to set me off was a tiny piece of eggshell getting in the bowl. I threw a small fit. I tossed the bowl into the sink and slammed the fridge door after retrieving more eggs to try again. I aggressively dried my hands and whipped the towel back over the cabinet. I was very consumed by this anger for about a half hour afterwards. I felt as if I was going to snap and fly off the handle completely. Everything/anything was eating away at my nerves and patience and that in return made my temper flare even more. This is an ugly side of me that I know for certain is NOT the real me. I feel horrible afterwards for being so childish and not being in control of my emotions. I curse at myself and blame myself and end up entering a state of depression/confusion. Sometimes depersonalization can set in either during or after these occurrences. It's becoming a pretty vicious cycle with no end seemingly...
As for the vivid dreaming, EVERY single night for the past couple of weeks, I've been having such strange and unfamiliar dreams. They range from childhood recollection to me being trapped in the middle of the ocean somewhere with only a bendy straw to use as a survival mechanism. Go figure. Then, there are ones that can scare me wide awake and cause broken sleep all through-out the night. I'll wake up for 10-30mins, fall back asleep (rather uncomfortably, I might add) and wake up an hour later. So on and so forth. I can never get a FULL night's rest the way I'd like to. I'm always awakened by SOMETHING.
The dream I had last night was centered around Ireland for some unknown reason. There was a flying train involved with a sinking cruise ship, a not-so sturdy bridge/overpass, Steven Hawkin as a child, cheddar fry potato chips, and a flare gun. Don't even ask me to describe the plot to you. It was pure mayhem and disorder. That's all I know. There was also a girl with black, teased/choppy hair (without a definitive face) whom I felt a connection with, a pretty strong connection actually. It was as if I knew her or something.
Anyways, they're getting harder and harder to forget about. I can recall more portions of the dream than I can discard from my memory. I wish it were the other way around as when something makes absolutely no sense to me, I get a bit nervous and obsessive about it.
What's going on with me? Is this all Anxiety related? COULD it be something else entirely? Any similar experiences/stories...?
Anyways, all it took to set me off was a tiny piece of eggshell getting in the bowl. I threw a small fit. I tossed the bowl into the sink and slammed the fridge door after retrieving more eggs to try again. I aggressively dried my hands and whipped the towel back over the cabinet. I was very consumed by this anger for about a half hour afterwards. I felt as if I was going to snap and fly off the handle completely. Everything/anything was eating away at my nerves and patience and that in return made my temper flare even more. This is an ugly side of me that I know for certain is NOT the real me. I feel horrible afterwards for being so childish and not being in control of my emotions. I curse at myself and blame myself and end up entering a state of depression/confusion. Sometimes depersonalization can set in either during or after these occurrences. It's becoming a pretty vicious cycle with no end seemingly...
As for the vivid dreaming, EVERY single night for the past couple of weeks, I've been having such strange and unfamiliar dreams. They range from childhood recollection to me being trapped in the middle of the ocean somewhere with only a bendy straw to use as a survival mechanism. Go figure. Then, there are ones that can scare me wide awake and cause broken sleep all through-out the night. I'll wake up for 10-30mins, fall back asleep (rather uncomfortably, I might add) and wake up an hour later. So on and so forth. I can never get a FULL night's rest the way I'd like to. I'm always awakened by SOMETHING.
The dream I had last night was centered around Ireland for some unknown reason. There was a flying train involved with a sinking cruise ship, a not-so sturdy bridge/overpass, Steven Hawkin as a child, cheddar fry potato chips, and a flare gun. Don't even ask me to describe the plot to you. It was pure mayhem and disorder. That's all I know. There was also a girl with black, teased/choppy hair (without a definitive face) whom I felt a connection with, a pretty strong connection actually. It was as if I knew her or something.
Anyways, they're getting harder and harder to forget about. I can recall more portions of the dream than I can discard from my memory. I wish it were the other way around as when something makes absolutely no sense to me, I get a bit nervous and obsessive about it.
What's going on with me? Is this all Anxiety related? COULD it be something else entirely? Any similar experiences/stories...?