View Full Version : Had enough today
I don't know why but I'm just not coping today. Those of you who know my story will make sense of what I'm saying but I can't rake it all over again...
My stomach has been so bad all week, I can barely eat. I have pain in my diaphragm area all the time and also lots of chest pain.
I am just so tired of struggling on alone keeping up the positivity and trying to just accept all the pain. I have shingles on my hip, dreadful itchy legs, back pain and boils - but it's the tummy/chest pain that is so hard to cope with. I am on so much medication for it already.
I don't feel anxious in my mind, I'm not panicking consciously but the stress levels are really grinding me down.
I just wish there was someone to take care of me. I am so lonely - although jet my lovely dog is company I can't talk to him.
I am afraid that the length of time I have been under so much pressure is making me physically ill but there's nothing I can do about it.
My doctor has referred me back to digestive disorders and agrees it is possible that the gastroscopy has irritated my stomach or something and I'm so scared. I don't feel I'm allowed to be ill, my mum can't cope she is getting increasingly depressed herself. Mark is just desperately keeping it together.
Sarah is doing so absolutely brilliantly I should be feeling ok. But I just keep worrying what will happen if I need care and support - I have no-one to turn to - all my friends have so much on their plates too.
I just needed to get this off my chest (huh wish I could get rid of the pains so easily). I'm sure I'll pull it back but I just feel so utterly desolate today.
Thanks for listening...
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Sue K with 5
25-11-06, 14:45
Hi Fee
Im sorry your having a bad time, I dont have anything overly reassuring to say as i suffer in a differant way to you but I do know that we all experience anxiety in a differant way and i am sure you know that these feelings are just that they can and im sure will get better and I am going to send you some hugs
(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))
sue
scknight
honeybee3939
25-11-06, 14:59
Hi fee,
Im so pleased to hear Sarah is doing so well, you have had a lot of worries of late, i hope things get a little easier for you now.
Im thinking of you fee, and sending BIG HUGS your way !
love
Andrea
xxx
"If you have a worry turn it into a problem, you cant solve worrys but you can solve problems"
Thanks Sue and Andrea! x
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Fee hun I know this a bit off the track but there's a quiz night in the chatroom tonight and they're usually abit of a laugh. I'm going in as all the piglets are off partying somewhere, so it's fun to have the company.
Do come mate - I don't expect you to keep up with my standard of answers though as everybody says I am quite exceptional - I think someone said my answers are very interesting :D:D:D I do however step back alot to let others win :D:D:D
Please come and join in/watch in amazement [Yeah!]
Love Piglet xx
yorkylover
25-11-06, 16:40
Sorry to hear your so down pet.Keep your chin up,things will get better.:D:D:D
Ellen XX
scaredycat2001
25-11-06, 16:44
hi fee,
i know just how you're feeling and it's such a lonely place to be-desperately trying to keep it together for everyone else with no-one to lean on yourself is really tough and exhausting. it's also very catch 22, you know your worrying isn't gonna make things any easier but that just makes you worry more!
i think piglet is right, you need to have a bit of fun!
i'm glad sarah is still doing well but don't forget to be kind to yourself too. do all the things that you save as an indulgent treat normally. unless they've been in the situation it can be hard for people to understand just how draining it is so you have to take care of yourself.
go to the quiz tonight and treat yourself like a princess- you deserve it!
Lols of hugs for you
scaredycat.
Hi Fee
Sorry you're having such a bad time at present. It can be very hard coping alone and as well as your health worries you have also been under a lot of stress with Sarah's treatment, so it is not surprising you are feeling rather low.
Remember how well you have been doing though. Look at Jet and know how good you have felt with him and the fun you've had together. You can feel like that again.
You have a lot of friends here. I do know it is hard being alone and sometimes I wish I had people with me in person but we are all thinking of you and sending good wishes.
Do try and go into chat for the quiz tonight. I'm home alone this evening so I might pop in too. I haven't been in chat for months.
(((Hugs Fee))).
Karen xx
Thanks everyone!
Have got through the day somehow, dragging myself about.. will try and settle down to X factor and I'm a celeb and hope I feel better tomorrow...
When is the quiz? Don't know if I have enough energy but might look in!
Love to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
(((((Fee)))))
Sorry you're feeling so bad Fee but glad you got through the day, well done.
You've been under alot of strees in the last year really haven't you with Sarah, on top of your genuine health issues and some anxiety thrown in. Not forgetting getting jet ( causing a positive change of routine of course) and going back to work and increasing your hours and other things too. It's no wonder it all gets to you at times, I can relate to that mate. There has however also been alot of progress in the last year too and the way you cope most of the time is nothing short of amazing.
You are such a lovely person that you even worry about other people too and take their problems on board as your own. I am like that too sometimes as we have to learn (hard as it is) to put ourselves first and think of us a bit more. I know it feels selfish but if we are not ok what good are we to others really. All the time we put pressure on ourselves to cope, be well, be strong etc we are just making ourselves more stressed and anxious.
I know you feel you have to be strong for your Mum and Mark, that's fair enough but let someone be strong for you too. You say your friends have their own problems, but I bet you still listen to their problems so let them help you too. It works both ways, you don't have to struggle on alone.
Also know that we/this site/I am always here for you anytime, just let me know if I can help in any way.
I hope that nasty tum settles soon and that you manage to have a nice evening. Give that gorgeous jet a big cuddle from me too.
I'm so glad to hear that Sarah is still doing ok :D I think of her, you and mark alot.
Take care mate, you can get through this.
Love Lisa x x
Thanks so much lisa!
I know you're right but there just isn't anyone for me to lean on - I would give my right arm to be looked after for a week or two somewhere with someone who genuinely cared about me...
I can cope all the time I'm not in actual acute pain - and I can even cope with that most times but as you know sometimes it just swamps you...
I wish I had a brother or sister or mum or dad or partner or child or even really good friend who would just take over for a little while and take care of me! You know - that I could go and stay with - a spare room where I could be safe and away from it all but not alone..... [V]
Still, I guess there are lots of people in the same position - it's just the way I feel today! This too will pass!
Love all round xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Hi Fee,
I can relate to what you say in some ways. I may be married but I don't have anyone that I feel can really look after me as such. I guess we just have to get on with it and look after ourselves the best we can.
Is there really no one that can help or is it that you don't like to ask? If I was well I'd happily look after you Aunty.
Maybe we should go on that ME retreat! lol
Anyway as you say this too will pass, I felt very ill and down yesterday and today so far has been alot better. It's natural to get overwhelemed at times - trying to be positive all the time can be exhausting in itself!
Anyway take care and try and have a restful and relaxing evening.
Love and hugs,
Lisa x x
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I wish I had a brother or sister or mum or dad or partner or child or even really good friend who would just take over for a little while and take care of me! You know - that I could go and stay with - a spare room where I could be safe and away from it all but not alone..... [V]
<div align="right">Originally posted by feege - 25 November 2006 : 18:01:02</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Aww Fee... me too. I know I am receiving professional care in hospital at the moment but it's not the same as being with someone who genuinely cares for me.
Well done for getting through today. I hope you enjoy X Factor. I'm going to watch that too.
Karen xx
Thanks Lisa - yes I have often thought I would look after you too given half a chance!! (and Karen of course!)
No, there really isn't anyone who can at the moment... but I think you're right we really should go on that retreat!
I do take care of myself pretty well - I guess I'm just worn out with it at the moment. Perhaps it's because Sarah is doing so well that I am letting myself go down.... How dumb is that - I should feel better!
Thanks again hun for being there - you're a good friend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
You're a good friend too :D
Maybe when things are bad for Sarah you block out everything else that is going on and concentrate on just Sarah (whihc is natural), and when Sarah is doing ok maybe all the other stuff just comes out and you have more time to notice it or something. I don't know really, our brains are funny old things aren't they! Not to mention our bodies!
Anyway I'm off for a rest and a bit of tv now I think.
Love Lisa x x
Hi Karen - I know being in hospital is not what I want although sometimes even that vaguely appeals!
Yes X-factor it is:D
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Believe me Fee - being in hospital is not all it is cracked up to be. I've been desperate to get out of there even though being at home is not what I want or need either.
So, who's going to be voted out of X Factor tonight? About time the McDonald Brothers went I think!
Karen xx
Fee - 10pm mate.
Click on the room that says quiz [:I]
Karen hope you come too and Lis if you're free why dont you too.
Infact anyone reading - please come - more the merrier!!!
Hugs
Piglet xxx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi fee
sorry to hear your feeling low....though its good to know Sarahs doing well. sometimes its when the pressure lets up a little that you start to feel the effects of all the stress.
Wish I coud give you a hug in person....hope a vitual hug will do instead!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Fee))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))
Coni X
Aww Eaton Road went out of X Factor. I liked them[Sigh...]
he he.. i wanted them to stay too! I think ben's boring lol!
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Are you two gonna come in chat then in a mo - I've done my roots specially and might even part my hair to the side!!! :D
Piglet xx
but but but.... it's i'm a celeb now?![:I]
hmm i might just lurk - is that allowed?!
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Absolutely hun - it's what most will be doing!!
I'm just finishing off watchin 'Strictly'!
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
I'm in chat already Piglet. We're waiting for you! :D
Hi guys,
Wow it's just like old times with us all here :D:D:D.
I watched the first x-factor and just came online to see who got booted out! I quite liked eaton road too and thought the macdougals (sorry donalds) should go, although there is no one I really like. I'm not keen on Ben although my family like him, he is the son of my step nephews ex teacher (if anyone understood that!) lol.
I'll probably give the quiz a miss, hubby is bound to come and see what I am doing if I spend too long here! If he was in bed I would have. How does the quiz work anyway, does anyone just shout out the answer, I can't imagine how the scores are kept in a chat room - shows I never use chat lol.
Love to you all,
(((((Group hug)))))
Lisa x
oh come on lisa - just lurk!!!
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
I am not a lurker! [:O];)
Ok I may do if you hold my hand, but I'll have to disappear if hubby arrives lol. How long does this quiz last anyone?
Lisa x
i need my hand held too!
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
I need a drink and I don't even drink! lol
Thanks for holding my hand mate.
Gosh I'm exhausted now. I never realised how draining a quiz could be!
I now remember the CBT lady's words - no PC or stimulation before bed!
[Oops!]. That well and truly stimulated my brain and wiped me out!
I got really panicky in there for first half an hour too, tight chest and full on palps, what's that all about!
Anyway hope that cheered you up Fee. Sleep well mate.
Lisa x
yes cheered me up but feel a bit palpy too! how silly!!!
off to take jet for a pee in garden then bath - hope you get to sleep - I think it'll take me ages - but it was worth it!!
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Yes still a bit palpy here too and breathless, and I got rid of them today after yesterday! lol I don't even get social phobia so not sure why chat room made me anxious. Maybe anything too stimulating just makes us palp!
I doubt I'll sleep for hours now either but I am exhausted. Yes it was worth it but I probably won't do it again this close to bed lol.
Hubby came up and saw me doing the quiz in the end, he said "Oh NMP and rolled his eyes". Still at least it's out in the open now lol.
I'm off to pee in the garden too - oops I mean Paddy is not me!
Night mate, don't fall asleep in the bath.
Lisa x
Morning Fee,
I hope you slept ok mate and are feeling better today.
Love and lots of hugs,
Lisa x x
Morning Lisa - yes I slept very well, hope you did too! I was surprised actually and my tummy is a little better too, but then it has been on and off all the time....
Got to get on this morning - hope everyone ok xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Hi Fee,
Glad you slept well and tum a little better too :D.
I slept from 1am until the rain woke me at 6am, then slept on and off until 10am. I'm still a bit palpy from it all though! Also my back and chest muscles are painful and tight, I know that's from sitting on the pc for over an hour with no break so I won't be doing that again!
I have to get on too!
Have a good day mate,
Lisa x
Glad you all enjoyed the quiz :D:D:D
Now you've done it once you'll be old hands the next time - you'll have you work hard to keep up with me though as my general knowledge is brilliant, did you notice? [^][^][^]
Love Piglet xx
Yes Piglet I noticed ;) Must have been taking the mittens off that helped lol. I hope I'm forgiven for making you share your half licked pringles with everyone too!
Don't think I'll be any good at a music quiz lol unless it's 80's music anyway. I think we need a science quiz :D.
Hope you've had a good day Fee.
Love to all,
Lisa x x
No - we need a makeup quiz!! :D:D:D
I don't expect to know much in the music one either but I will go round toppin up drinks etc instead!! I'm already planning my outfit :D:D:D
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Science quiz [:O][:O][:O]
I too will be ok if it's 80s music but I think we need a Barry Manilow quiz :D:).
Glad you are feeling a little better today Fee. Hope you've had a good day.
Karen xx
hi girls!
last night did cheer me up - it was almost like going out without spending money or getting a hangover[:O]
Today's been a bit of a mixed bag - had a couple of nice walks, lunch in the local pub with my friend my mum and a couple of other older friends. Then my brother and sister in law and neice came to my mum's. He'd been to look at the hotel we are staying in at xmas and said it was fine!
Walked jet home and then decided to hop in the car and take him to the beach for the sunset. It was lovely but then he got something ghastly (don't even want to guess what it was) in his mouth and would NOT let it go and I watched him struggle to chew it and swallow it defiantly[V] I completely lost the plot. I just freaked. I was so frightened he'd make himself ill, so hurt he was ignoring me and so angry he was so naughty that I screamed at him, put him on the lead, dragged him to the car, dragged him upstairs and made him sit in the corner[:O]
I KNOW that was stupid and over the top. I feel so so awful now I hate myself. I bet he didn't even know what he'd done really. I was totally out of control and feel sick with shame and guilt and sadness and fear that he won't love me the same any more and will be ill and will be scared of me and am utterly down on myself. Part of me knows I'm being too hard on myself but I HATE losing my temper it makes me feel so so ill.
I have calmed down a bit but still feel horrible. I must have so much anger in me to go that ballistic. And no control whatsoever. I didn't hurt him or anything like that but I just kept shouting at him...
Oh help - tell me I'm not a monster [B)][}:)]:(:(:(
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
(((((Feege)))))
Oh Fee mate, you are NOT a monster and Jet will NOT hate you. Don't be so hard on yourself. Ok maybe you did overreact a little (out of genuine worry for poor Jet) but animals are very forgiving and I've shouted at my dog before for no real reason - he still loves me :D. You have been throught alot, we all get angry and take things out on others don't we at times, the stress just has to come out sometimes and you had genuine reason to worry. I panic if Paddy gets something in his mouth, it's only natural mate. I almost had to laugh at a dog being made to sit on the corner (sorry). He may not have known what that was about but he'll bear no hard feelings for sure. Remember we all do things we wish we hadn't, no harm was done, you are ok and jet is ok and none the worse for it!
He was just being a normal dog ie however well behaved they normally are they go deaf and ignore us sometimes! lol. My last dog used to love eating crab legs on the beach.
Regarding jet being ill, he probably won't be. At worst he may have an upset tummy but I doubt it if he's ok still now. What did he eat, any idea? Keep an eye on him by all means but I expect he'll be just fine.
Sounds like you had a nice day otherwise :D
So remember jet will love you just the same as ever and you are not a monster or a bad person in any way. Go on go and give jet a big cuddle and forgive yourself, go on you can.
Love you loads Aunty,
Lisa x x
Oh lisa thanks hun! You are just the person to say the right things on this!!!
I wish i knew what it was - but when the sea is rough all sort of sewage comes up it doesn't bear thinking about[xx(]
I'm a bit calmer now and have been cuddling him and playing with him and he seems ok so far!
I really need to get more of a life, he is way way way too important to me - and I've only had him six months[:I] Maybe i ought to get some more animals!
I've been talking to my sister in law who lives in Gillingham and she really wants me to move up there. We have been really close for over 30 years - she was my best friend when I was in my early 20s and she ended up marrying Mark's dad's brother. All of the family that are there are lovely and would be really supportive and I could sell my one bed flat with a lodger and a mortgage for a 2 bed house and no mortgage and a garden for jet (and all the other animals I want!). It's nearer Mark in London too. It's very central - close to motorways and stuff but it's just such a grotty town! My brother in law DJs locally and I would have an instant social life if I wanted it.... I'm really thinking about it. I could get work fairly easily too. I'm going to go for a visit if I can manage to get there and check it out, see how bad it really is - I've only been to their house and away again, never looked round. But the thought of moving and leaving a good Doc, knowing so many people here and the fact that my mum is here makes it harder - although if I could drive there and back on my own it would be fine - I could come and stay with mum regularly and she would love that.
So, anxiety is the main thing stopping me. It really could be a new lease of life for me. How frustrating. If I could drive there alone I'd visit them regularly anyway. Grrrrrr.
Hope you are ok this evening Lis - thanks again, I'm trying to believe jet still loves me even though I know I'm a monster!!!!
Loads of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Hi Fee,
Jet still loves you mate, animals don't see things the way we do. Just the other day I saw a dog that had been thrown from a car and guess what this was the most loving dog who still totally trusted humans. Jet loves you whatever you do and the odd wobbly moment won't ever change that. After all you only got upset as you were worried about what he'd eaten. Animals don't remember things much either so it's all forgotten now in his eyes. Jet is your world but remember you are his too :D.
Gillingham, well that takes me back, I used to go nightclubbing there occasionally [:I] :D. It was about an hours drive from where my parent then lived. It does sound like an interesting prospect to move there, I guess you have to weigh up the pros and cons really. I can imagine your Mum would be the hardest thing and your friends there and your doctor of course (totally understand that). Lots of pros and cons I guess really but worth thinking about and looking into.
Gillingham didn't used to be a great area, not sure if it's improved, but many parts used to be quite nice and there are lots of places nearby that are lovely. I understand the driving bit too, it holds me back at times. I can drive for an hour on my own or more but I couldn't do a motorway alone unless I absolutley had to for some reason.
Anyway hope your evening has been ok and I hope you have a good night.
Love and hugs,
Lisa x
Fee - course you're not a monster, flippin eck if you are then we all are.
When you're scared and someone/thing you love looks to be in danger then it's very understandable to react like that. I remember eldest piglet running in the road when she was very little - all was ok but I screamed at her in a massive fearful rage and wanted to beat her to a pulp. I was scared cos I love her and that's how you felt. Forget it now lovie!
The Gillingham thing is definately worth looking into further, if only to discount it but who knows and at the end of the day people count way more than a place. Rather be happy in a grot place than lonely in a fab place!!!!
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Just saying hi :D
Hope you're ok today.
Lisa x
Hi everyone...
Well jet had the squits today unsurprisingly... but seems to be ok. Naughty boy!
I got to work with my new pass to use the car park.. and lo and behold my car window wouldn't shut so I've been so stressed all morning trying to work and get someone to fix it for me and I assume it's going to cost the blinking earth on top of a £300 excess maintenance bill I got last week, just before xmas... Grrrr How's a person supposed to cope. I find it so hard to handle this sort of stress...
BUT Sarah's still ok so that's good!
Oh to be solvent would be soooo nice!
Hope everyone else is ok!
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Paddington
27-11-06, 14:37
Hi Fee,soz i missed your post mate.Have been a lttle yukky meself this weekend [you know what i talkin about,ouch!]I wish i had loggedon now,i feelawfulyou were so down and i missed it,Stil you had all your 'gang' there and the quiz sounded fun[piglet does make me smile ;)]You are right Fee about the after math of stress being worse than thge actul timeof stress.My mom has a fab phrase..'after the lord mayors show'...brilliant i think!Well it is so true,the prossesion goes by and all the fun of the fair etc,but at the end someone has to clear the horse muck up!So hun,you are feeling ****ty and it is no wonder!Whatwith Jet eating rubbish[they do that,dogs!!]and you getting angry..just a release from all the real pain that one mate!But i have done that and oh the guilt!I saw the dogs face and i swore i had hurt his feelings.I kissed him so much i had dog breath!!And you holding thinhs together for your familky ,come on Fee,give yourself a break!I wish i could magic you up a prince charming too,heymaybe there are new horizons in kent!!???All areas have their good and bad places,Where are you now,by the sea??My idea of heaven,but the grass is greener etc!Sounds as tho you would have ,more support and fun too if you moved,tho i can see your mom would be a huge concern.Anytime you feel like a rant i am here too Fee.Love mary rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Hi Fee,
I hope you got your car sorted out mate, what a nuisance not to mention expensive and these things always happen when we least need it don't they!
I hope Jet is over the squits now, poor thing.
Great news that Sarah is still doing ok :D.
Take care and hope you're ok and had a relaxing evening.
Love and hugs,
Lisa x
hi all
car not sorted yet - but window shut!
jet's much better and I'm at work so catch up later!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com
Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!
Hi Fee :D
Glad Jet is ok and that you got your window shut at least.
Have a good afternoon,
Lisa x
Hi Fee,
Hope you're having a good day. Thanks for the text, I'm so pleased that Sarah is doing so fantastically well :D:D:D.
Love and hugs,
Lisa x
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