snapshot1975
02-03-14, 21:01
So my issue, and reading around here I'm not alone in this, is that, although I am openly reasonably successful, I do not feel it. Sorry, think this will be long ....
I have felt that I underacheive, I think this stems from not getting a good degree, and subsequently I've been in jobs that don't pay as much as they might have and have little opportunity to develop, I feel I let myself down and that no one thinks I'm of much worth. Relationship failure hasn't helped with this either.
In my current job, I have to manage multiple projects of supplying bespoke equipment in usually quick time. This can mean developing a design from very basic information, surveying the site to make sure it will fit and work, liaising with the client, buying all required parts, keeping an eye on assembly, organising delivery logistics and submitting technical & maintenance documents. In short, a degree of pressure. With no thanks.
Recently, things have been getting on top of me, I suspect in part due to relationship issues and breakdowns, in part down to concern and guilt that my nan is now in a home and more or less out of contact due to my hours, in part due to the bosses absolute insistance on timekeeping (which I intrinsically object to as I am monthly paid and don't have to fill out timesheets) when I am the furthest away from the company and have a crap 32 mile drive each way at the worst times of day for traffic, I've just had 2 weeks off for stress disorder but frankly feel no better now than before. I've got motivational and self-belief problems with nihilistic attitude to the world around me. I have lost all interest in things I used to enjoy. I have a Time-to-talk initial phone interview on Thursday.
I have a job interview for a new position MUCH closer to home (maybe a 15 minute cycle, like I used to have until 2009 rather than up to an 80 minute drive) in 36 hours and have put off the task I have to do for the interview, all day I have not felt able to tackle this task. I have distracted myself mostly on social media and, owning up, dating sites. I've been trying to find a female to develop some kind of relationship with, not necessarily a full-blown living together one, and this is proving to be a bit obsessive for me. Especially while nothing much is really happening ...
So now I'm rambling and have no idea how to wrap this up, lack of action and change in my life when I need it is seriously getting me down to a place no one wants to be, where the mundanity of 'work,eat,sleep' is not enough yet I get no enjoyment from things that I used to, and I know that I am a nightmare to live with, I need my 'me' time to recharge and living in a 1-bed means there's no personal space for 2. Just hope this rings some bells with people and I will probably have to add as I recall other things that get me down
I have felt that I underacheive, I think this stems from not getting a good degree, and subsequently I've been in jobs that don't pay as much as they might have and have little opportunity to develop, I feel I let myself down and that no one thinks I'm of much worth. Relationship failure hasn't helped with this either.
In my current job, I have to manage multiple projects of supplying bespoke equipment in usually quick time. This can mean developing a design from very basic information, surveying the site to make sure it will fit and work, liaising with the client, buying all required parts, keeping an eye on assembly, organising delivery logistics and submitting technical & maintenance documents. In short, a degree of pressure. With no thanks.
Recently, things have been getting on top of me, I suspect in part due to relationship issues and breakdowns, in part down to concern and guilt that my nan is now in a home and more or less out of contact due to my hours, in part due to the bosses absolute insistance on timekeeping (which I intrinsically object to as I am monthly paid and don't have to fill out timesheets) when I am the furthest away from the company and have a crap 32 mile drive each way at the worst times of day for traffic, I've just had 2 weeks off for stress disorder but frankly feel no better now than before. I've got motivational and self-belief problems with nihilistic attitude to the world around me. I have lost all interest in things I used to enjoy. I have a Time-to-talk initial phone interview on Thursday.
I have a job interview for a new position MUCH closer to home (maybe a 15 minute cycle, like I used to have until 2009 rather than up to an 80 minute drive) in 36 hours and have put off the task I have to do for the interview, all day I have not felt able to tackle this task. I have distracted myself mostly on social media and, owning up, dating sites. I've been trying to find a female to develop some kind of relationship with, not necessarily a full-blown living together one, and this is proving to be a bit obsessive for me. Especially while nothing much is really happening ...
So now I'm rambling and have no idea how to wrap this up, lack of action and change in my life when I need it is seriously getting me down to a place no one wants to be, where the mundanity of 'work,eat,sleep' is not enough yet I get no enjoyment from things that I used to, and I know that I am a nightmare to live with, I need my 'me' time to recharge and living in a 1-bed means there's no personal space for 2. Just hope this rings some bells with people and I will probably have to add as I recall other things that get me down