lorenza
02-03-14, 23:33
Hi guys - so a couple of years ago I had one of my worst anxiety episodes when i convinced myself I had HIV no matter what tests said - I'd imagine ways I could have got it like getting stabbed with a needle on a night out etc.
Recently having started a new and stressful job and having my long term boyfriend move away from work my anxiety has started to flare up again and now the obsessive thoughts are back but about something different.
I went out with my workmates on Friday and drank a bottle of wine. I was a bit flirty with a male colleague but not in anyway that meant anything and with no intentions of anything happening - I was just a bit tipsy.
At some point in the night I heard one of the other people there say that we should get together and imply that I obviously fancied him. Since I woke up yesterday morning all I can think about is that comment and i've convinced myself that I MUST have done something with him and that even though I can remember everything else about the night (from specific conversations to falling over to getting food at the end of the night to directing my lift home to my house) I must have just forgotten that one bit or blacked out or suppressed it or whatever.
Usually I wouldn't even dwell on this i'd just maybe be like 'oh I might have given that guy the wrong impression even though it meant nothing to me - I'll keep myself more removed next time' but because my anxiety has flared up again I'm just constantly fixating on it and going over it and wondering whether my boyfriend will break up with me for something I know didn't happen but can't seem to convince my mind of? I'm dreading going into work tomorrow and having someone say 'oh by the way this happened with you and this guy' even though I can remember every time we sat next to each other, what conversations we had etc.
I think I need to go back on my medication and not drink ever again :(
Recently having started a new and stressful job and having my long term boyfriend move away from work my anxiety has started to flare up again and now the obsessive thoughts are back but about something different.
I went out with my workmates on Friday and drank a bottle of wine. I was a bit flirty with a male colleague but not in anyway that meant anything and with no intentions of anything happening - I was just a bit tipsy.
At some point in the night I heard one of the other people there say that we should get together and imply that I obviously fancied him. Since I woke up yesterday morning all I can think about is that comment and i've convinced myself that I MUST have done something with him and that even though I can remember everything else about the night (from specific conversations to falling over to getting food at the end of the night to directing my lift home to my house) I must have just forgotten that one bit or blacked out or suppressed it or whatever.
Usually I wouldn't even dwell on this i'd just maybe be like 'oh I might have given that guy the wrong impression even though it meant nothing to me - I'll keep myself more removed next time' but because my anxiety has flared up again I'm just constantly fixating on it and going over it and wondering whether my boyfriend will break up with me for something I know didn't happen but can't seem to convince my mind of? I'm dreading going into work tomorrow and having someone say 'oh by the way this happened with you and this guy' even though I can remember every time we sat next to each other, what conversations we had etc.
I think I need to go back on my medication and not drink ever again :(