Wintear
05-03-14, 03:22
Ever since my GAD has amplified and gotten much more prominent and worse roughly three months ago, my diet/appetite has spiraled, my body (inside and out) is so hypersensitive about EVERYTHING it feels, and my mental function just hasn't been quite the same.
I look at the people around me, the places around me, the objects around me, etc - and they don't appear to be "real," whatever that even is. Life it's self feels like a vivid dream or the idea/creation of somebody/something else entirely. I keep thinking "what if this Life is merely an illusion and NOTHING is ever truly real?" What if this physical realm is simply a product of our imagination (or, again, someone/something else's) and nothing more?
As the days go by, I find less of a purpose in everything. I seem to not want to contribute in the world as I view it as meaningless considering one day, we all eventually die anyways. I'm not suicidal and I have never self-harmed before, nor will I ever. So, don't get the wrong idea or misinterpret what I'm trying to convey here.
It's such a foreign feeling to experience, yet at the same time, it feels so familiar. I sometimes just go along with it. I figure it's less of a hassle that way. This always brings me to ponder the existence of God or a Creator. I want to believe that there is a watchful presence guiding us and our individual Lives in some divine and purposeful way. To think we all just exist for a flash of a moment then disappear into absolute nothingness is a rather depressing thought to wrestle with. If that's the case, then once again, WHAT is the point?
I feel more in tuned and connected when I watch certain documentaries about the Universe before I drift off to sleep at night, come to think of it. Something about learning about the cosmos that are far beyond our intellectual grasp (and probably will forever be..) sparks a sort of desire and indescribable gut-feeling inside of me. Something "clicks" and I feel like I belong to the Universe and it's infinite vastness.
Am I making any sense to anybody here, or am I the only one going through these paces?
Also, I find myself hoping with all of my heart that I'll have a good dream every night before I fall asleep because as of late, I have a strong preference to live inside my little dream-world and completely neglect reality.
Any similar stories/experiences? I'd love it if someone were to be able to genuinely relate to me...
I look at the people around me, the places around me, the objects around me, etc - and they don't appear to be "real," whatever that even is. Life it's self feels like a vivid dream or the idea/creation of somebody/something else entirely. I keep thinking "what if this Life is merely an illusion and NOTHING is ever truly real?" What if this physical realm is simply a product of our imagination (or, again, someone/something else's) and nothing more?
As the days go by, I find less of a purpose in everything. I seem to not want to contribute in the world as I view it as meaningless considering one day, we all eventually die anyways. I'm not suicidal and I have never self-harmed before, nor will I ever. So, don't get the wrong idea or misinterpret what I'm trying to convey here.
It's such a foreign feeling to experience, yet at the same time, it feels so familiar. I sometimes just go along with it. I figure it's less of a hassle that way. This always brings me to ponder the existence of God or a Creator. I want to believe that there is a watchful presence guiding us and our individual Lives in some divine and purposeful way. To think we all just exist for a flash of a moment then disappear into absolute nothingness is a rather depressing thought to wrestle with. If that's the case, then once again, WHAT is the point?
I feel more in tuned and connected when I watch certain documentaries about the Universe before I drift off to sleep at night, come to think of it. Something about learning about the cosmos that are far beyond our intellectual grasp (and probably will forever be..) sparks a sort of desire and indescribable gut-feeling inside of me. Something "clicks" and I feel like I belong to the Universe and it's infinite vastness.
Am I making any sense to anybody here, or am I the only one going through these paces?
Also, I find myself hoping with all of my heart that I'll have a good dream every night before I fall asleep because as of late, I have a strong preference to live inside my little dream-world and completely neglect reality.
Any similar stories/experiences? I'd love it if someone were to be able to genuinely relate to me...