Miss Worry-a-lot
05-03-14, 17:00
I have suffered from anxiety attacks since I was very young. I have probably worried about every cancer known, from a brain tumour to testicular cancer, I have spent a good part of my life worrying that I'm going to die. I know it's stupid for a girl to worry about testicular cancer, but when all you hear on the news and watch on TV shows is 'death this' and 'death that,' you can't help it.
I'm eighteen and I haven't had the easiest of childhoods. I lost many people to cancer, close family member, family friends, and at twelve years old one of my closest friends died of cancer. I grew up looking after my dad - who also suffers with anxiety attacks - and watched him suffer through panic attack after panic attack.
I've never been confident or very social because of depression. I fear commitment, due to the fact that I've never been in the same place for very long. Before I was seventeen I had moved homes twenty times. I lived with guilt due to my parents divorce, I have abandonment issues and I refuse to let anybody, even my family, get close to me because part of me knows that they're going to leave me.
So you can imagine for a young child at thirteen/fourteen, life wasn't easy. It's hard for anybody to spend everyday thinking that they're going to die or that they're going to be left alone, but for a child it's even worse.
Doctor after doctor just shook their heads at me like I was some stupid little kid. One doctor made fun of the way I described how I was feeling. I told him, "It feels like someone is banging nails into my head, squeezing me, and holding their hands over my mouth to stop me from breathing. It's like someone is sitting on my back constantly and it hurts." His response to a terrified thirteen year old was, "Wow. Someone is trying to write a book here. Very descriptive for a little girl like you." He sent me away straight after as there was nothing he could do. Another doctor saw me and instead of helping me through a panic attack, she shrugged and told me I had behavioural problems and my head wasn't screwed on right.
The last doctor I saw, at eighteen, tipped me over the edge. I told him how low I had been, that was I wasn't getting out of bed, and I wasn't eating. I was having 3 panic attacks a day and I hadn't slept in ages. He was constantly shaking his head, sighing, and he rolled his eyes. He said, "Why are you at the doctors? This isn't the service for you." If the doctors aren't the service to help me, who is?
All my schools knew I suffered and not one thing was put in place to help me. Nobody would help me. Nobody would listen to me. It's only now - after pushing and pushing for help - that I'm actually getting a little bit of help, but I'm still doing a lot of it alone. I hate to think that there are young people, children out there struggling with anxiety and depression.
Doctors and teachers don't tell us how to handle our anxiety or what to do or where to go to. I've been told to breathe time and time again, but nobody taught me the right way to breathe. I've been breathing in a way that will only increase panic attacks, not help them.
So I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to stand up for mental health! Nobody should suffer alone or go unheard. No child, teenager, young adult, should live in fear and not be helped.
I'm currently part way through writing a 'self-help' book for young people. Every chapter explains the ins and outs of anxiety attacks and depression. It will hopefully give people a brighter way to look at their anxiety. I've also got personal stories from other students about their experience with anxiety and quotes from others. It's a way to show people that they're not alone and that other people are going through the same things. I'm sure we all have felt like nobody understands how we feel at one point or another.
So I'm asking you two things. One, if you would like to offer any stories or quotes for my book, please let me know. The people who have already given their stories have chosen to be under aliases. You don't have to give me your name if you don't want. You don't have to give me anything for the book, but let me know if you think it is a good idea.
Secondly, I wrote an article recently for my new anxious blog. Check it out, comment your opinions. Follow for other articles about anxiety, depression. Even if you don't agree with me, please give it a read and maybe it will change your mind. Just type in justabitanxious.wordpress.com :)
Thank you. Be happy.
I'm eighteen and I haven't had the easiest of childhoods. I lost many people to cancer, close family member, family friends, and at twelve years old one of my closest friends died of cancer. I grew up looking after my dad - who also suffers with anxiety attacks - and watched him suffer through panic attack after panic attack.
I've never been confident or very social because of depression. I fear commitment, due to the fact that I've never been in the same place for very long. Before I was seventeen I had moved homes twenty times. I lived with guilt due to my parents divorce, I have abandonment issues and I refuse to let anybody, even my family, get close to me because part of me knows that they're going to leave me.
So you can imagine for a young child at thirteen/fourteen, life wasn't easy. It's hard for anybody to spend everyday thinking that they're going to die or that they're going to be left alone, but for a child it's even worse.
Doctor after doctor just shook their heads at me like I was some stupid little kid. One doctor made fun of the way I described how I was feeling. I told him, "It feels like someone is banging nails into my head, squeezing me, and holding their hands over my mouth to stop me from breathing. It's like someone is sitting on my back constantly and it hurts." His response to a terrified thirteen year old was, "Wow. Someone is trying to write a book here. Very descriptive for a little girl like you." He sent me away straight after as there was nothing he could do. Another doctor saw me and instead of helping me through a panic attack, she shrugged and told me I had behavioural problems and my head wasn't screwed on right.
The last doctor I saw, at eighteen, tipped me over the edge. I told him how low I had been, that was I wasn't getting out of bed, and I wasn't eating. I was having 3 panic attacks a day and I hadn't slept in ages. He was constantly shaking his head, sighing, and he rolled his eyes. He said, "Why are you at the doctors? This isn't the service for you." If the doctors aren't the service to help me, who is?
All my schools knew I suffered and not one thing was put in place to help me. Nobody would help me. Nobody would listen to me. It's only now - after pushing and pushing for help - that I'm actually getting a little bit of help, but I'm still doing a lot of it alone. I hate to think that there are young people, children out there struggling with anxiety and depression.
Doctors and teachers don't tell us how to handle our anxiety or what to do or where to go to. I've been told to breathe time and time again, but nobody taught me the right way to breathe. I've been breathing in a way that will only increase panic attacks, not help them.
So I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to stand up for mental health! Nobody should suffer alone or go unheard. No child, teenager, young adult, should live in fear and not be helped.
I'm currently part way through writing a 'self-help' book for young people. Every chapter explains the ins and outs of anxiety attacks and depression. It will hopefully give people a brighter way to look at their anxiety. I've also got personal stories from other students about their experience with anxiety and quotes from others. It's a way to show people that they're not alone and that other people are going through the same things. I'm sure we all have felt like nobody understands how we feel at one point or another.
So I'm asking you two things. One, if you would like to offer any stories or quotes for my book, please let me know. The people who have already given their stories have chosen to be under aliases. You don't have to give me your name if you don't want. You don't have to give me anything for the book, but let me know if you think it is a good idea.
Secondly, I wrote an article recently for my new anxious blog. Check it out, comment your opinions. Follow for other articles about anxiety, depression. Even if you don't agree with me, please give it a read and maybe it will change your mind. Just type in justabitanxious.wordpress.com :)
Thank you. Be happy.