View Full Version : Here we go again.....
Kayleigh100
06-03-14, 19:35
I was doing so well. Over a year ago since I last suffered and it has come back again :(
Always the same, work stress related.
I sorted the work problem last year so the reason for that stress wouldn't reoccur and now something different has happened and I am under extreme pressure and anxious again. I've not had a panic attack yet but I am starting to fall into the zone where I get them and I am not on meds because I managed to come off of them early last year.
Hi Kayleigh, Sorry you are having problems again. Did the meds help you last time? If so then maybe you could get some more? You have beat this before so can do it again. Keep positive!
Kayleigh100
06-03-14, 20:07
Hi Annie.
Do you know, I am so fuzzy headed tonight, I can't remember if the meds worked or not. I ought to read my Noooooooo post and find out. I know I had a dreadful time at first getting onto them and I remember the CBT helping too. Problem is, when I am like this I cannot even think or remember the techniques I am supposed to use to cope.
Suddenly this afternoon, I couldn't care if I lived. I am a little better than that currently. It was like a huge cloud came over me.
Think of it as a blip, anxiety often comes back suddenly and it is important to keep reminding yourself of the positives and know it won't last. Sending you hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Kayleigh100
06-03-14, 20:14
Thanks. Could it be bipolar? Just seems such extremes. Although there is always a trigger that I can identify: I don't go up and down for no reason. Just going to read my Nooooo thread.
I don't think you are bipolar. It is more like GAD.
Kayleigh100
06-03-14, 20:59
Is GAD General anxiety disorder?
The nooo thread reminded me of the bach remedies! I must go and dig them out. It also took me a while to get onto the meds.
I don't think the bit before the menopause is helping. Perimenopause? I've had a couple of drinks tonight (I rarely drink, so think it's safe enough to have one at the moment even though I know its no real answer).
Hi kayleigh
yes read your thread, you came so far and did so well, if you have to go back on the medication you know how bad you felt but you also got through it to the other side, you will get though this again.
xx
Kayleigh100
06-03-14, 21:33
Hi Janine. I feel so bad that I've lost it again. I will make an appointment tomorrow.
Yes General anxiety disorder but of course that is just my opinion and only your doctor can diagnose you :) Peri menopause...oh the menopause has a lot to answer for! I have just recently started taking hrt (I have a thread about it).
Kayleigh100
06-03-14, 21:57
I'll go read your hrt thread.....distract myself a bit.
...off to bed now. Let's hope sleep comes easily.
Kayleigh100
07-03-14, 04:43
Well I have managed to 4.30 but woken and not so good. Will see if I can drop off again now I've had a little positive chat to myself.
MyNameIsTerry
07-03-14, 05:17
Hi Kayleigh,
At least you got some, thats better than it could have been as I'm sure you will know from getting through it before.
You've been through it and got better, you can do it again. I'm on a relapse and I know what you mean, you are thinking about the uphill slog again but I've found it to be different second time around. In some cases it is worse but better in others but I have more skills this time so I know I'm not as stuck as I was, despite the low days.
If you had CBT before, did you keep any notes or hand out sheets they gave you? It might be worth a read of them. They often give out sheets for relaxation.
Try Mindfulness meditation and relaxation techniques. They can help and are often recommended by CBT therapists.
Is there something you can do about work for now and in the long term? My workplace started mine and on relapse I decided to leave as it was the culture of the company to be drowning in projects all the time and I thought I wouldn't get better if I stayed. So, perhaps you need some time and some reasonable adjustments if you are happy where you are or don't have the luxury of money on like I did.
All the best.
T
Hi Kayleigh
Sending you BIG hugs!
Sounds like a blip to me Hun! You said work related stress, that coupled with this dreadful perrimenopause (I'm going through it) and BAM it feels like you are back to square one!
Why not get your CBT notes out, stock up on Rescue Remedy, buy lots of Epsom Salts and practise some Mindfullness.
I got a brilliant book from Waterstones called Mindfulness a practical guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World, it has really helped.
I have also been taking Menospace which is full of the vitamins you need.
Annie has really helped me stay positive recently with my back injury and the Perri! The ladies section on her has a lot of answers. You sort of put 2 and 2 together when you read it, bloody hormones!
Keeping posting hun!
Luv & hugs
Jackie xx
Hi Kayleigh how are you this morning? I hope you managed to get some more sleep. Keep on thinking those positive thoughts :) x
Kayleigh100
07-03-14, 12:19
Yes, I did get more sleep after waking at 4. I am a little better than yesterday and the black cloud now feels grey. Ohhh, I hate blips. I will look into all these self-help things you mention over the weekend as I am going shopping tomorrow into town.
For Terry: I could stop work but I have an unusual situation. I am self employed but I employ 8 others, although all the major responsibilities lie with me. I could sell. It wouldn't be as quick as leaving a job, of course, but for various reasons it would also very much change most of my employees' situations and futures because a new owner would be extremely unlikely to run it as I do. So, although it is something I could do and maybe will have to, it really needs to be a last resort. Some of my employees have worked for me for over 20 years and all but one have worked over 10. (I was self employed very young - I am probably burning out!)
Kayleigh, sorrynto you're having a tough time again with work related stress and anxiety. Anxiety tends to come back in stressful periods if we are prone to it. That is one reason why it's so important to continue to do the things that helped us through our recovery on a daily basis. Go back and look at some of your old posts or journals and see what types of things helped you. Look at the online CBT course that is free. You beat this before and you can do it again. Just have faith and believe.
MyNameIsTerry
07-03-14, 21:12
I got a brilliant book from Waterstones called Mindfulness a practical guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World, it has really helped.
I think thats the one ive got, one of the two Mark Williams has written. Jon Kabat-Zinn has one as well which seems a larger piece and I believe he was the originator of the method so may have some other useful help in.
Are you following the 8 week course?How are you finding it?
Hi Kayleigh
Hope you are having a better day, you know I am here for you like last time if you need it, it could just be a bad few days and you may get over it better than you think, I am a bit low at the moment but I know it is because of working too hard and not taking enough time off in the last few weeks, keep telling myself off but it is hard, this coming week I am going to take two days off together.
big hug xxx
MyNameIsTerry
07-03-14, 21:25
Yes, I did get more sleep after waking at 4. I am a little better than yesterday and the black cloud now feels grey. Ohhh, I hate blips. I will look into all these self-help things you mention over the weekend as I am going shopping tomorrow into town.
For Terry: I could stop work but I have an unusual situation. I am self employed but I employ 8 others, although all the major responsibilities lie with me. I could sell. It wouldn't be as quick as leaving a job, of course, but for various reasons it would also very much change most of my employees' situations and futures because a new owner would be extremely unlikely to run it as I do. So, although it is something I could do and maybe will have to, it really needs to be a last resort. Some of my employees have worked for me for over 20 years and all but one have worked over 10. (I was self employed very young - I am probably burning out!)
Would it help if the structure changed to free you up e.g. a level of management inbetween if you havent got one? It must add more pressure as Im sure you are very committed to your employees by carrying on through all this.
Could the employees become self employed and be contracted?(if thats even practical for you and them)
Im just throwing a couple of ideas out there, I sometimes found I was so involved that I couldnt see my options so I try to come up with ideas. Apologies if this is unhelpful right now, I dont mean to pry into your situation.
Whilst I worked for a large company, I was pretty much in a contracted role with no support and everyone who could help with workload had steadily left to get away from tge isdues in the culture...I wish I had!l I remember how isolated I felt, so I feel for you albeit your situation is a lot different with more responsibilities to people.
I hope things improve for you soon.
The 8 week course is brilliant but hard lol:). When I really concentrate I realise that how much I have rushed through life in the past!
Kayleigh100
08-03-14, 19:53
Thanks all. I didn't go shopping today as I need to take my son and he wasn't well but it's back on the plan for tomorrow. Took myself off with my daughter and her friend instead and we visited a NT garden - sun and spring flowers and it was a good, happy, distraction. The greyness is lifting a little - maybe you are right and it was a funny blip - I do hope so. Just got to try to keep moving in the same direction now. T
The book does sound interesting. It's on my list - any idea of the Waterstone's section it might be in? (I don't go in bookshops much nowadays).
Sounds like you had a better day, glad that a trip to an NT garden helped, I work for the NT so glad we could help!!!
xxx
MyNameIsTerry
08-03-14, 20:55
The book does sound interesting. It's on my list - any idea of the Waterstone's section it might be in? (I don't go in bookshops much nowadays).
If they sell it, they have a self help section with the counselling & therapy sections. In my local Waterstones these sections are near to the religious, spiritual, health, mother & baby type sections.
I know WH Smith have stocked it along with the Jon Kabat-Zinn ones.
Glad you had a better day. Fresh air and nature can really help pull yourself out of it, even if just for a while.
Kayleigh100
13-03-14, 21:06
Week one nearly over. Dark grey-ish cloud, I would say. Definitely not black, thank goodness. I have been thinking of going to the doctors but I have been so busy and almost hoping its a blip and I can self manage it this time.
I was supposed to be off work tomorrow but am going in as I know that I will be more productive there. I think at home on my own I will just waste time pondering. I have a full weekend off anyway. So, I have treated myself with a nice job to do tomorrow. One that needs doing sometime and it will be something to tick off the list.
Kayleigh100
21-03-14, 07:43
Another week on. It's been grey clouds all week and then dark again yesterday. It doesn't seem to be lifting as fast as I was hoping so I shall try and make a doctors appointment now.
I am sorry to hear that you are still not feeling good Kayleigh. I am pleased you are going to see the doctor (not pleased that it is necessary for you to do that though :( ) Hopefully you will be feeling better soon especially now that SPRING is here :D That has to cheer us up..right? xxx
Kayleigh100
27-03-14, 19:47
Hi, no I am not good. More black and grey in the past week, but I do have a Drs appointment for tomorrow morning first thing.
Probably a mix of anxiety and the peri-menopause issues I am having. I have a lady doctor appointment, so hopefully I can explain everything to her and she will be able to help in some way.
Hopefully you will be able to talk to your doctor and she will be able to help. Let me know how you get on.
xxx
Kayleigh100
27-03-14, 22:06
OK. Thanks for listening. I have to get out of this rut.
I have made the decision to not continue work and will put formal processes in motion next week. I am sure it will be for the best in the end and I will just have to find an option that cares for my staff, even if the sale price is lower.
I can't have this situation repeating on me. Last time I was so convinced I had beaten it. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to feel that way again because I will know it can turn as it did a few weeks back.
Antianxiety
27-03-14, 22:20
Kayleigh100, get back on the meds right away. I went through the same and went off everything only to get slammed with panic attack during sleep which has now been recurring because of the trauma in my head. I am slowly improving but has been a hellish last 3 months. Daily walking and meditation helps me get through it. Good luck!
Maybe you should wait until after your doctors appointment before you make a decision about work? I understand though if you do decide not to continue. My work caused me a lot of stress and I have no regrets about my decision to leave as I can concentrate on getting well again without feeling guilty about needing time off work.
Kayleigh100
28-03-14, 15:56
The Doctor (once given all my symptoms - I have about ten with anxiety and doom/gloom being two of them) is certain this is to with the menopause on it's way. It's just the way I am suffering from to it. I have to have some tests next week to rule out other nasties but she expects the results will be OK. She has given me a lot of paperwork to read about my options and whilst she will give me medication purely anxiety based , she thinks I may be better dealing with it overall because some of the options open to me are likely to help all my symptoms. She thinks that last year may have even been part of the start of it but can't be sure. I will probably have about five years of this rollercoaster ahead of me.
Take time to read everything over the weekend and if your doctor thinks that she can deal with it with overall medication it maybe what you need and you could feel better again and stop the rollercoaster xx
Kayleigh100
06-04-14, 21:03
My test dates have come through. This Wednesday and 16th May. Last week was OK but I've not made any definite decisions on the way forward yet.
How are you feeling in yourself now, at least it is not too long to wait until this Wednesday, but it will depend on how you are feeling as to whether you can wait until May for the next one, hopefully you are feeling a bit brighter xxx
Kayleigh100
09-04-14, 17:55
I'm up and down - feeling from light grey to dark grey but thank goodness, no black.
The test today has a three week wait but apparently they only contact me with this one if there are any problems. The nurse says it was one of the tests I had done last year when I was unwell and it came back fine then.
I'm taking a week at a time at the moment.
That is all you can do, have you any holidays planned or anything that you can look forward to.
xxx
Kayleigh100
10-04-14, 22:20
No, unfortunately not. It's a stressful and busy time at home because son is doing his GCSEs and daughter is in the final few months the of her course before she goes to Uni in September. On top of that we have a huge repair needed on the house. So, overall, no time spare and no money spare!
Through all of this his time, the worst thing is my fuzzy brain. I just cannot concentrate on anything. I struggle to find the right words too.
I struggle to find the right words too and have a fuzzy brain at times, maybe it is just an age thing!! i find it hard to accept that I am getting older and can't do all the things I used to do, which sometimes gets me down. Sounds like it is stressful too, I can remember when my sons were doing their GCSE's. Just try and do some things for you and find time to relax and chill.
xx
Kayleigh100
11-04-14, 02:52
Its the extra symptoms like these that cause the Doctor to think this is the peri menopause as that also include anxiety apparantly. So, yes, an age thing that I hope will improve with time.
I still have to make a decision on the way forward. I did all the reading but I'm not sure what my choices actually are going forward and this is probably the wrong forum for discussing them anyway.
You can always Pm me if you want to if it is of any help if you feel you do not want top post about things. I will always listen and sometimes it helps to just write it down. xxx
Kayleigh100
20-04-14, 02:27
Thank you Janine. I will probably take you up on that offer over time.
I've had an OK and quite positive week. All light grey. Made myself have this weekend off and the weather has been glorious - lots more National Trusting with our annual ticket. Really busy there with excited kiddies collecting information for their Easter hunt game.
Two days of relaxing now and a lie in tomorrow too - typical now I can't sleep!
Glad you have had a better week and you have managed some time off, I am working all weekend and we have been incredibly busy because of those Easter Egg Hunts!!!
Even if you cannot sleep try and relax.
xxx
Kayleigh100
27-04-14, 14:15
Well, another 7 days have passed. Mainly light grey with dark this weekend (due to the timing of the month). I have three weeks until the next medical test, on the 16th, after which they will be able to advise me of the actual choices I have for getting through this awful peri-menopause. Then, I guess, I shall have to decide if I go for the anti-depression/anxiety medications too - or not.
Busy week coming up...hopefully it will fly. Then we will be into May.
Yes this year is flying by, I have a busy week too, sometimes I think it is a good thing but it means we forget that we need to find to to chill too, I had my first Sunday off today since last year and had planned a day out with my sister, first thing this morning one of main members of staff rang to say her son had been taken to hospital, she was the cook for the day and the main cook was on annual leave, I did not want to disappoint my sister so did some really quick juggling round and they managed and had survived until I went in late afternoon. I have known a time i would have just cancelled my plans.
Take care xx
Hi Guys!
Hope you are all doing ok?
Kayleigh so sorry that you are a bit under the weather at mo. I am also going through the perimenopause, was told last Sept after tests, it's bloody awful! I have stayed on Cit and take loads of vitamins. I coped a bit better when i read and understood what was going on. Menopause chitchat and menopause matters are great forums Kayleigh, they have helped me a lot.
Feeling quite anxious this weekend as I go in for spinal surgery on Wednesday.
Luv & hugs
Jackie x
Hope all goes well on Wednesday, will think about you, let us know how things go.
xx
Kayleigh100
28-04-14, 07:58
Oh my, keep in touch Jackie. Love and hugs for Wednesday.xx
I'll look into those websites, thanks.
The chillin' is definitely what we lose out on when busy. At least I am currently sleeping OK.
Hi Kaleigh
did you get thye book that was mentioned..the Mindfulness one. Its on amazon and I've recently bought it . It is tough to do sometmes other times I can do it well.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Annip x
Kayleigh100
28-04-14, 15:58
Hi, yes I did get it but haven't managed to start it. You have given me a nudge to try.
Hi
I struggled to start it..I was afraid to try it. Glad I posted the message. There is alot to read and it can be a bit mind boggling...but its worth a try.
Good luck
Annip
Kayleigh100
30-04-14, 19:45
Hope all went well today Jackie.
I didn't get home until 9 last night (and 7 tonight!) but have promised that I will have an early night tonight and start it, even if it is just a couple of pages.
Hi Kayleigh
How you feeling, a bit better?
Op was a success but I was in surgery for 1.5hrs as a longer Op, morphine making me sick, yuk:(
Hugs
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
02-05-14, 02:18
Hi Jackie,
Pleased its over with - hope it went well. I think it takes a while to get the operation stuff out of your system.
I'm OKish. I did start the book - 2 pages and one attempt at meditation. Positive start. Otherwise though, I'm sort of dark grey again - just want to get through to the medical test on the 16th and a stressful time at the end of May and see where I go from there. I'm back to creating worries out of worries and I think the book will help once I get into it.
Well done Kayleigh for starting the book. I find I can sometimes do the meditations and others not but I suppose as it says it is practise so that eventually meditation will come easily. Thoughts and triggers are difficult arn't they. Hope you get on well with them. Let me know
Annip x
Kayleigh100
09-05-14, 14:16
Hi,
I haven't made great progress with the book but I will make a determined effort with the first meditation tonight as I have read the first written chapters and can see where it is going and hope that it is exactly what I am looking for.
I am again in a dark place today and know the trigger exactly. What worries me though is that the only cure is time and, as time goes on, the problems are adding to my pile more than they are going and no end = no cure. It worries me where all of this is going to end and will I be in one piece when it does.
I honestly don't think medication is what I need. That will just dull everything but not change anything. I know the triggers exactly, so I have to stop this happening and the only way is to get out of the industry that I am in. Unfortunately, my business partner is sick again and I really need him here to start to move things forward with me to get out of this.
Sorry you are feeling so bad, at least you know the trigger and the way out even if at the moment you cannot do anything about iit, hopefully you will be able to move things forward soon.
xxx
Kayleigh
sorry you are having a bad time. i find that doing the book is hard at times especially when I feel down. It is hard sometimes to do by yourself. I know you have to give it time and I often feel that I havn't got time and my triggers are just carrying on and on..does talking about it help..someone away from the trigger.
xx Annip
Kayleigh100
12-05-14, 21:27
Hi,
I didn't manage to get anywhere with the book over the weekend but I have made a BIG phone call. I will soon know what options I have to move forward and reduce or eliminate my triggers.
Sometimes these things need to be done. Not like I haven't thought about it for ages.
You have made the first step, you are on your way. sometimes the thought is worse than actually doing it.
xxx
Hi
yes the thought is often worse than the doing.. I agree Janine. Congratulate yourself Kayleigh on whatever it was you did well done:)
Annip
Kayleigh100
21-05-14, 20:26
Well, what a week.
My movement forward to get rid of triggers has started really positively. It may derail over time as it is reliant on quite a few others too, but the process is on its way.
Unfortunately, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time last week and encountered a traumatic event. Nothing to do with me but I happened to be there and I helped as best I could and have been praised highly for it. Typical catastrophic thinker me though, is finding the praise hard to take, and finding it easy for my head to fall into that mode of "the worst really can happen".
Also, I had my ultrasound and am waiting on results. I have booked an appointment for the beginning of June to collect them. I will also ask for counselling again if I need it (trauma situation is starting to get better, although I did have nightmares for a few nights after it. Hopefully I won't need help as it will settle itself).
Hopefully as time goes on it will all settle down and work its way to the back of your mind more.
Sounds like you are making some progress on the other front and you have had your scan so things are moving forward.
I have just found out that i have multiple small gallstones, they do give me extreme pain all of a sudden and it is so so severe when it happens but it does die down with really stong painkillers, so it is managable at the moment but i have to go back if the pain does not go away.
xxx
Kayleigh100
22-05-14, 22:45
Will they treat them if the pain doesn't go? It must be annoying because you can never plan if you don't know when something is going to hurt.
Yes I can have my gall bladder removed if I need to, although it is the most horrific pain when I get it at the moment it does die down between attacks so I will see how it goes over the next few weeks, I am so so busy at work at the moment too so not a good time.
Hope you have a good weekend and manage to find some time to relax, I have had 3 whole days off which has been great and have caught up with lots of jobs at home, back to work tomorrow though.
xxx
Kayleigh100
29-05-14, 16:23
Pain like that sounds so draining.
I did have quite a relaxing weekend :)
I've my next Doctors appointment due early next week - the one for the ultrasound result and I shall talk about what we are going to do going forward. Medication, surgery or whatever.
I should move onto step two of my "trigger removal" as well next week. It will be a long process but the earlier I start, the earlier I will finish (as my Mum says!).
Good luck with both, it sounds like next week is going to be a big ne for you.
touch wood i have had no periods of pain the last couple of weeks, have been really busy at work so that has been good.
xx
Kayleigh100
01-06-14, 04:17
Oh dear :( awakened having a panic attack. Not good. Thanks goodness for the doctor appointment Monday - I can hold into that as a thought until the time comes.
This is complete madness.
hope you are feeling better now, if I have one it is usually as I am going off to sleep rather than when I wake up, hope yo get on ok tomorrow, try and relax.
xx
Kayleigh100
04-06-14, 23:16
Ultrasound and bloods were fine. I am now on medications for the perimenopause flooding. If that doesn't work there is a second medication and third option is a hysterectomy.
I have been referred for more CBT and have another doctors appointment for three weeks time to consider medication for the anxiety.
Other thing has been delayed but hopefully can be down over next couple of days.
At least you have most of your results and you have a course of action, hopefully this first medication will work for you and then you can see how you are feeling when you go back to see about your anxiety medication.
xx
Kayleigh100
06-06-14, 07:59
All this weeks stuff done now and CBT arranged for next Wednesday - I was very impressed with the speed of arrangement. Stage 2 of trigger removal process done - so that is in someone else's hands now - cross fingers the replies are positive and I can then move onto stage 3 (not sure how many stages there are but I am getting there).
Hppefully all these things are helping you to feel better, does not matter how many stages there are as long as you get to the end. Try and have a nice relaxed weekend. I am working and then have family coming on Sunday after work (must be mad after a busy day) as it is my eldest Sons Birthday and their flat is not large enough for everyone.
xx
Kayleigh100
15-06-14, 16:33
Hope the birthday went well. It's my sons prom this week. He disagrees with the commerciality of it all and was going to walk but he's been told to be at a mates house for 5.30 and to trust him! We live in the tiniest of places really and their house is only about 200m from the venue - so close, it will almost be straight into the arrival convoy - so he really could be going by almost any sort of transport!
The CBT assessor has agreed for me to have another round of therapy so I will hear about an appointment sometime soon but there is a wait of a few weeks. This week is a stressful one for me so I shall just focus on one day at a time, I think.
Yes just focus on one day at a time as you say, you will get through it, I have an incredibly busy week and am looking forward to Sunday as we are going away for a couple of days, feel like I need it as feeling really tired at the moment.
What was your sons transport in the end, I am intrigued!!!!
Kayleigh100
18-06-14, 08:08
Awful night and awful start to the day today. Oh well. Just focus.
Will report on sons transportation.
Have a relaxing break away.
Kayleigh100
15-10-14, 22:24
I'm back. 4 months clear and back to square one. Off to the docs tomorrow.
Just seen your post as I have not been on for a few days, how are you now and how did you get on at docs. x
Kayleigh100
06-01-15, 22:43
I'm just completely messed up. I can't even remember now how I got on. OK I reckon as I've been fine until now and I'm bad again. Docs booked.for.Friday as I am due a minor procedure (unrelated).
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