is it?? how do you know?

[mumtoone]

hi everyone

I was speaking to a friend the other night about my life ... (please see my post in introduce yaself board cos i can't bring myself to type it again....) and anyway - she said i may have PTSD

but .... how do i know for sure if i have or not? do i NEED to see the doc??

i know ignoring it won't work - and i really do think the flashbacks (very vivid ones) have been around longer than i care to admit... and the dreams, and crying for no apparent reason - and a host of other things...

how do you know if you have it? what do you have to do to live with it / sort it out ?

I'm very confused - scared too; just don't know how to admit to my parents that i'm really not handling the past well at all ... [Sigh...]

sorry for my essay - well done for reading this far!

[ade]

dear mumtoone,
welcome,you will find much kindness and experience here,i am ade and i have over 20 yrs experience of ptsd,plenty of crying,regressing,flashbacks and nightmares,pls feel free to mail me if you wish to discuss ptsd,or what led to it.
all the love under the sun
ade xxxxxxxxx

[Jim_P]

This is how you know:

you lose interest in your appearance.

you don't give a fig about anything much anymore unless it is a form of escapism, like playing computer games or watching TV or listening to music all day every day, to feel better about yourself.

you lose, or can't form, relationships.

you can't sleep

you have no appetite

you won't feel much like singing hallelujah no matter how good the news

That's how you know. That's how I knew. Been suffering post trauma for years and live like a recluse. I won't take medication. You can't cure this kind of thing with a pill. I have a psychotherapist but somebody I can't even find the will to go see her. I'm still looking for a way out of the darkness. One day some one might come and hand me a torch, show me the way ... until then, I carry on.

And no it's not always caused by being in a war, being sexually abused etc etc.

In my case, I grew in around too much violent behaviour. I didn't know it was affecting me until I became an adult and realised I had a serious problem with society, namely that I couldn't relate to it.

My advice, see a psychotherapist. Some of them are fantastic, real life lines. Good luck.

:)

[mumtoone]

so if i don't have all those things its not ptsd... or its just not "that" bad?

i mean - i have NO friends.. i speak to NOone on a daily basis other than my 4 yr old and family (and people i have to talk to at uni - but i have no friends, i don't "hang out" i don't go out i don't socialise...)

i eat way too much (altho thats being sorted!) and yes - i avoid housework and uni work in favour of tv and the laptop....

and sometimes i am truly happy at good news... sometimes i act it ...

as for my appearance - well, my confidence is gaining as i lose weight (was 20 plus stone a few months back... now 4 stone lighter....) so i dunno - i never wear makeup or have to have my hair done to go out ... is that not caring about appearance?

well .... hmm... will see what the doc says!! can do no more til then i spose...

Thanks Jim... i rekon one day you will see that ray of light you need :)

[mumtoone]

oops forgot to add - thanks ade... i may well take you up on the offer of discussing it one day (when i decide what to say .. my head feels like cotton wool!)

[Jim_P]

I suppose it depend on the individual, how badly you become affected.

I mean not everybody (from what I've discovered) loses weight because they lose interest in food. Some might actually gain weight because they start comfort eating. Just with me, it affects me in that way when I'm depressed, so when it comes to food, I just can't be asked.

As for appearance. I still shave, bathe, and change my clothes (otherwise I'd stink LOL) but of course when you get depressed badly you don't think about those things much.

If you get help, you'll probably overcome it. Unless it is something that was seeded in your childhood. From what I'v found out about it, if it develops in childhood it can be incresibly difficult to get rid of it later in life.

:)

[mumtoone]

no its not from childhood - got into an abusive relationship when i was 19 (bloke was 30) - raped, beaten - the works...

keep getting flashbacks and nightmares etc ... gonna see doc next week

[Lynnann]

Hi Mumtoone,

I am sorry that you have been through such a diffficult time,I know the pain that you are suffering is immense, I am here for you in whatever way I can be.

There are lots of different symptoms that add up to a diagnoisis of PTSD. The reality is that you probably do have this disorder.

There is a lot of information on the internet about PTSD and the links from this site are very useful. It does not do any harm to be informed.

A trip to the doctor is certainly going to be helpful, is there a GP that you feel comfortable talking with? Hopefully if there is, some treatment can be arranged for you.

Hugs to you

Lynnann

[mumtoone]

thanks for replying lynn ... really appreciate it

yes my GP is the one that i saw when i escaped - she knows the whole story (even down to what was going on with my son and the court battles etc) so i won't have to go into detail to get a proper consultation.... which is good!

I will inform myself but try not to diagnose myself lol (subtle difference i know!)

I will keep you all up to date too .... this is such a fantastic site - you are all amazing people

[Lynnann]

Hi Mumtoone,

At least that should make things easier as you will not have to explain everything. Well done to you for facing this! Best of luck at the doctors next week.

Take care

Lynnann

[mumtoone]

well .. it was today....

GP did a depression questionnaire - i am middle-ing the road on that so i'm on Citalopram (can't remember what its called...) and going to ring MIND for some sort of counselling / therapy tomorrow...

Going back to see her in 2 weeks to check everything is ok

Feels so much better knowing i wasn't going nuts... and that its not me - well it is me, but its not unexplainable... there is an end to the tunnel (somewhere!)

[Lynnann]

Hi Mumtoone,

So glad your appointment went well, hope your counselling goes well

Hugs to you

Lynnann