how can you trust your inner voice when you suffer anxiety?

[Gemlou78]

I didn't manage to go back to college last week after 3 weeks off due to panic attacks and depression. I'm supposed to be going in today to talk to my tutor but I'm getting that rollercoaster feeling in my chest and stomach.
I seem to have two inner voices one telling me I will be disappointed if I don't finish my course...the other telling me that I need more time to get used to just doing normal things like getting the bus/tram without my partner...to just enjoy being mum to my 1yr old. I don't know what is the right way to go? I feel I am starting to make progress when im home..im able to get some housework done, play with my little one. I'm scared if I try to do too much I will relapse. I only allowed my best friend round yesterday...the though of dealing with too many people is still an issue. It takes me till around 10:30-11am to be able to organise myself.
Which voice should I listen to? I don't trust myself to make the right choice anymore?

[LunaLiuna]

Listen to the one that benefits you. Which in truth is both of them, but the course can wait dont you think? I'm not sure of what your course is but I can imagine it involves going to places without your partner or at least involves more people.

Anxiety is like any other illness, you need rest and treatment. I don't want to confuse you but you can actually do both if you feel up for it. maybe alternate, one day try and do something individually. One day do the course.

The trick is to slowly build up, don't worry if you don't do something you wanted too. You can always do it again :)

I know I mastered being at home before going out, so perhaps that's what you could do.

Good luck Gem :)

[ankietyjoe]

Your inner voices are simply ideas, not actual entities.

You can acknowledge them, then let them go, then make a decision independently.

[Gemlou78]

Hi Luna, it's hairdressing so very social and time management etc. I managed the bus/tram but started getting the weak feeling in my legs as I got to college. By the time I got to the staff room the walls had closed in on me and I had sweat running down my face and back, I started crying. She saw me and ushered me to a private room and got me water. She was very understanding and said if I feel up to trying an afternoon session she won't give me a client I can just do my own thing. Id like to think I can its the thought of having an attack in front of a lot of people and the set back I know that would cause me.

Joe I've never really thought of it that way but I will give it a go. I just feel very jumbled with my thoughts and feelings.

[LunaLiuna]

Yeah I understand completely, I'm having the same problem.

I think what Joe said is perfect, there's no need for us to dwell on our problems, except we do. Which is where all of the suffering comes from.

I find it incredibly hard to go out of the house, but what I've done, instead of fighting it, or getting upset is I decided to work with my fears. I thought okay, going out during the day when there's loads of people is a no go, so why don't I go out during the night when there's no people around?

Gradually I've accepted my fears by exposing myself more and more to the problems and I now go out for 30-45 minutes as the suns setting, sometimes when I feel good I go out during the day.

One thing at a time, there's a great quote from a Chinese man called Confucius which would suit this perfectly: “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”

You can do it, I know you can :)

[ankietyjoe]

Joe I've never really thought of it that way but I will give it a go. I just feel very jumbled with my thoughts and feelings.

Something I learned from meditation and mindfulness. The jist of it is to realise that thoughts aren't real. They are actually meaningless. The simply come and go and vipassana teaches you to acknowledge the thoughts rather than react to them.

[Gemlou78]

I didn't make it in today. I've emailed to say I need to quit..I'll enrol again once im well. I actually feel very relieved that I can recover at my own pace. I've done the right thing.
I'm going to get my doc to refer me for CBT not sure how long the waiting list is but I want to learn ways to get better...and prevent myself from getting unwell in the future.
Hope you are both doing ok...and thank you both for your advice..it helped :-) x

[LunaLiuna]

There's a CBT course on here somewhere, also take a read through this link I post, it's written by a user on this forum :)

http://nothingworks.weebly.com/

[Gemlou78]

Thanks Luna I'll take a look now :-) x