Just wondering

[sgp64]

I've read a couple of posts from people that really reminded me of the way I've gone about things over the years and it seems to me that a good few folk here, like myself, have spent a lifetime covering up their anxiety before it eventually springs to the fore. I was (and still am by some) regarded as the "calm one". All around me family members, associates, friends would be flipping their lids at every available opportunity whilst I put on this great act of serenely navigating my way through life apparently untroubled by it all. And now I'm thinking....has this behaviour really contributed to the fact that now, all of a sudden, when I am supposed to be settling into my life the exact opposite is happening and there's this great big well of anxiety that's been stored up and pouring out of me. I think there must be a huge amount of issues that I didn't face head on over the years that have just festered away and eroded at my confidence and sense of well being to leave me a bit of a bloody wreck. And even now it's so difficult to come clean about it all and just hold my hands up and say "Stop everyone...I'm in bits. I need to fix myself and this is what I need to do it" I wish you could just be taken off somewhere and fixed like you'd fix a broken car then arrive back a few days later all polished and shiny with some replacement parts. That'd be marvellous.

Sean

[Paddington]

Oh wouldn't thatbe wonderful Sean?You are right i think,and it is common for the folk on here to have been classed 'the copers'..so many of us lost friends when they 'found out' we were vunerable.My family still turn to me for advice and that is fine ,it is part of who i am!But it is not ALL of what we are,the cool one,the one to explain things,smooth out the problems..we [allof us!]need to take a step back from time to time and say..STOP..we have to look after us too!I am glad you have found this forum,it is a life saver!Love Mary Rose.xxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[net]

brilliant idea wish it was possible

netty


the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

[groovygranny]

Crikey! Could have been writing about me sgp64. Wasn't until quite recently I came to this exact same conclusion, and I'm a wife, mother and granny!

Think we absolutely must hold our hands up though - otherwise it'll just get worse. I'm having to learn coping mechanisms I should have learned naturally many years ago. And, I'm only now beginning to feel like a grown up - especially where my mother is concerned (complicated issues!)

But, you gotta do it! So good luck, and you're not alone.....cos you're here!

lotsa luv

GG

xxx[:P]

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[happyone]

Hi,
I have always been seen as strong, confident, assertive etc. Inside sometimes I was flapping. Only those closest to me got to know about my anxieites, as a result not very many people were allowed to be too close to me.
Now that this has come out in the open so to speak, it has created another anxiety, that people think I am faking it because they say 'would never have thought you could have something like this'
CBT yesterday, reckoned my anxiety is a lot to do with performance. Performance as a wife, mother , employee, friend etc etc. which makes some sense. Now that I am not performing as I think I should, I am in knots.
Happyone

[strawberrie]

hi sean,

like you im always seen as the calm one. at work people have often commented about how calm i am and how i never get flustered. i think its maybe because when i am really stressed i prefer not to talk to anyone. Also, i wonder if people who come across as calm are quite often 'thinkers', and tend to dwell on their problems rather than express themselves to others. It does make it more difficult to let people know about your anxiety - i like to keep my feelings private and it is a bit difficult to suddenly come out with 'oh, by the way, im a mess!

would be nice to be fixed like a car, i could definitely do with some replacement parts lol! :D

mag

[sgp64]

Bit the bullet today and went to see my boss. Told him I was having difficulties with anxiety, panic, depression and that this may well be afffecting my ability to do my job. This is a first for me...actively saying to people "look, I'm not doing well..please keep that in mind but I am working on it" Told him what elements of my job I had problems with, that I wanted to stay with the organisation if we could manage that but that I had to make changes for my own well being. I think it was the right thing to do....I can't pretend any more that I can take all that life throws at me and not bat an eyelid. I have to be more assertive and take control because I just seem to have had no control whatsoever.

Went to a mental health support group last night but it was a bit of a disaster. Different one on tonight so am gonna inflict myself on them and see how it goes. This stuff is not going to beat me.

Thanks for your replies. You are all lovely, lovely people. Big hugs all round.

Sean xxx

[PanickyPolly]

Same here Sean...I deserve and Oscar for the act I put on. Everyone I meet considers me very happy, laid back and relaxed but I am deeply unhappy, severely anxious and profoundly depressed. Well done for speaking to your boss. I hope things get easier for you. I didn't do what you did and I think I would have made my life easir if I had. I was in denial about my anxiety for ages until finally I got dimissed for not performing well enough in my last job.

[sgp64]

Sorry to hear about the trouble you had in your last job Polly. In a way I'm fortunate because I work in Social Care and theoretically that means that the people I work for should be sympathetic to my issues. The difficulty for me was admitting that I needed caring for and needed help...a complete reversal from my role as a carer of others. But I feel much better for doing it and a real sense of relief.

As for the support group I went to last night...it was great. I met some lovely people (and even laughed) and along with the support of you all here I don't feel so abandoned and adrift in the world.

Love Sean xx

[Gribbley]

Blimey, you could be me, Sean.

When I told my Mum I had been signed off work with stress her first reaction was "I can't belive it, you've always been the reliable one who can cope in a crisis". Exactly, Mum, that's the whole point. In my case I think that apart from the cool, calm and collected exterior I was also fooling myself inside that I was able to cope with anything and was doing OK. A few sessions with a counsellor were most enlightening, bringing loads of stuff to the surface and showing me why I was acting/thinking in this was as well as some of the causes of my anxiety that went back years.

The next trick will be to change the way I do things so that I feel confident enough in telling people that I need help before it's too late, and not feeling shame for doing so.

Glad your new support group is a good one. I'm off to my CBT course this afternoon, and they're a good group of people too. Apart from learning about CBT, the best bit is when we can chat about how we feel and how we deal with things. Something that people don't do enough of these days. too much to do and too little time.



"Some days I wonder why I bother chewing through the leather straps."

[sgp64]

Am gonna look into CBT myself..see whats available. Also have a hypnotherapy appt booked for Monday...bloody expensive but I'm interested in the process after reading up on it. Will report back!

Sean

[Paddington]

Well Done Sean,what a star you are!You must be so proud of youself,YOU ARE AN INSPERATION TO OTHERS!!Good luck with the cbt and the hypnotherapy!Love mary rose.xxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[bjaques]

Hi Sean .. (and all),

Is true if you spend your life on a pedestal adding others problems to your own you have further to fall. I like I suspect very many people with this problem, have been known as one of life's copers. I have dealt with my mother slowly loosing all her faculties to MS over 20+ years.

Ironically the only trigger I or my GP can think of in my recent past for suddenly loosing my control over my anxiety was quitting smoking. No fair that was an attempt to feel good about myself!! Still it's only another problem to overcome.

I don't know if anyone else will relate to this, but one of the things I am finding most difficult, and therefore most counterproductive is my deep seated need to fix things. I am sure a great deal of my own frustration comes from my own inability to fix this! (At least I know where to start with a broken car... and they have manuals!)

Aside - Is such a shame reading through peoples posts that there is such a broad spread in the reactions of GP's and employers. I wish I could say it was a surprise.

Take care all!!

Ben