Very sensitised tonight

[NE21 worrier]

Hello all,

Hope everyone is doing well, or as well as can be expected. I'm sorry to say but I am having a tough evening.

At the weekend, I went on my latest jaunt to visit a friend in Peterborough. I had a lovely time there but I overindulged and I've had bad acid reflux since. I have also realised I am now very impatient to ratify the recent decision which I have made regarding moving jobs but, while I am almost sure I will get the new position, it is still subject to pre-employment checks so I'm staying struggling where I am at the moment.

The other thing that seems to have been the trigger is a little daft as it does not affect me personally, other than the fact that, as a former journalism student, it is in my nature to like to keep up with current affairs. I am aware that the news gives an overwhelmingly negative impression of the world but two stories have literally turned my stomach - the Pistorious trial (and his retching/vomiting) and that missing plane in Asia, with some rather gruesome intrusive thoughts coming to mind.

Other than the acid reflux, I've had my other classic 'sensitised' symptoms too: a couple of particularly strong bouts of diarrheoa, feeling spaced out, burning up, tight chest, lump in the throat, floaters one moment, tunnel vision the next. I also feel extremely tired.

I guess the solution to my second issue is simple - though not necessarily so easy for someone like me hooked on the news drug. I think I need to turn off the radio, the telly and shut the internet browser down for a while and perhaps read a pleasant book. I guess the job thing will sort itself out as well in time.

I describe myself as simply "sensitised" rather than "anxious", almost as if I have spooked myself. I am not bewildered by these feelings - in fact I recognise them all too readily. And I certainly do not fear them anymore - I feel too rational to be on the verge of panic.

Having said I do wish my uncomfortable tummy especially would just sod off and let me be.

Thanks for reading,
Peter

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Peter

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of things. I'm glad you had a good time visiting your friend, although sometimes the over indulgence can make it difficult for a few days! I think that moving jobs is always incredibly anxiety provoking too, and is bound to put you on edge.

I'm not involved in journalism but occasionally I hear something on the news or read something which I find profoundly disturbing. This seems to get worse the older I get. I was unable to listen to anything about the Lee Rigby trial and had to switch radio/tv channels if it came on. There have been other things which have upset me so much I've felt sick for days and have had to ring all my loved ones to make sure they're ok! Perhaps irrational, but I suppose it also shows a very sensitive and humanistic side to our nature. Some of the things on the news are downright upsetting and we wouldn't be "normal" not to be upset by them. I think it's a good idea to try to give yourself some time away from the news, or even just filter very selectively what you read.

It sounds like you are very rational and aware of what is happening for you which is great, and I hope the tummy settles down soon!

[NE21 worrier]

Ah, good old Sunday night-Monday morning anxiety - all work-related :sad: - all the usual symptoms in the chest and stomach, sweating from head to foot :sad:

I'm due to leave this job but I've still got an end-of-year appraisal on Thursday which I want a good mark from and yet which I'm barely prepared for, as we've got to fill out monthly documents analysing our performance.

I find these difficult to complete - not sure why but I don't really like self-analysis and I'm not alone - but others seem just to get on with it. I've not written much/anything on November, December or February and time is running out.

I know that this is my fault and at least I know exactly what this surge of anxiety is related to - and yet, despite this, I still feel little motivation just to get on with it and get it out the way. And yet, time is running out :sad:

Peter

[NE21 worrier]

I'm still really struggling again right now :sad:

Today is the second day I've not had a proper evening meal* as my stomach right under my rib cage, and the middle of the rib cage itself feels so sore and tense. I'm struggling to breathe in the normal sense of the word (i.e. without effort), I feel bloating and I'm on about five hours of sleep this week.

The trigger would seem to be a meeting towards my appraisal on Thursday (for a job I may not be in much longer but for which I still would like to get a good mark). I've caught up on some of the work and thoughts about the meeting aren't sending me into a spiral of despair.

Yet all the physical discomfort remains. I know focusing on it really doesn't help but it's difficult not to one when it is having such a profound effect on my eating and breathing.

This is the worst I've felt in months and I'm feeling exhausted again. I'm tempted to take a diazepam to relax the tension out of my muscles as this seems to be my main cause for concern... but I'm worried that I will perceive this as me having failed to deal with this episode of anxiety in a natural way!

Thanks,
Peter
(*I've still managed to have some fruit, with some difficulty)

[inCOGnito]

Try massaging the area. Look up a video or tutorial. I like to massage across the diaphragm. As you breath out you bend forward and go deeper. Rinse and repeat.

Also three really important breathing tips;

1. Stop trying to control your breathing
2. As you breath let the diaphragm do the work. Notice your tendency to use the throat and chest muscles to draw in a breath. focus on relaxing the throat and chest muscles completely and letting the breath be natural.
3. Stop trying to control your breathing

If you meditate you can also meditate on the physical feeling. sometimes when you're quiet the thoughts, feelings and emotions behind the physical symptom comes up.

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Peter

Sorry to hear you are still struggling, but it is good that you are able to identify the trigger and you have made some progress with getting the work done. It's so easy to procrastinate and put it all off.

I know how hard it is to eat when you are in a state of high anxiety, and well done for at least having some fruit. BUT this is not enough! As I am sure you know. I've been struggling to eat recently due to anxiety, so I've been trying to buy things which are very easy to prepare and eat. My latest fad is pitta bread - 2 mins in a toaster and can be stuffed with anything. I find it fairly easy to eat even when I'm feeling sick due to anxiety. I'm not sure about you, but I find that not eating can be a bit of a vicious circle, as you start feeling sick and then don't want to eat etc etc.

Agree with Incognito's advice about breathing also. Breathing from the diaphragm is helpful. Try looking on Youtube at some relaxation/mindfulness videos?

Hope all goes well tomorrow. Keep us posted! :)

[NE21 worrier]

Hi,

Just wanted to say thanks for the replies and apologise for not having been on the board so much over the weekend. The meeting with the manager on Thursday generally went fine and I had a busy weekend (match on Saturday, board games on Sunday with friends) which was a great distraction.

As I type, though, I've had four-and-half hours sleep, my mouth and chest feel as if they're full of acid, and I'm hugely bloated. I am in a pattern and it is not a very nice one.

The pattern is:
A) for me to be highly anxious and sensitised in the early part of the week as if I feel I will simply not get to the end of the working week,
B) for some improvement to take place as the week goes on and for me to somehow to get to Friday,
C) for me generally to enjoy my weekend, though only with the assistance of unhealthy amounts of drinking.

I'm not so daft that I cannot see the use of alcohol in (C) will have an effect on (A) with (B) seemingly being me allowing the natural course of events to take place. In short, just like this time last year, I need some time off the booze. I also need to stop worrying so much about how well I'm doing at work when everything would appear to be fine.

All I know is that this is the beginning of the third week of exactly the same pattern, and I am scared that I will not be able to stop it even when the new job comes through, something over which I'm very impatient, which is something that drives the anxiety further. What a mess... :sad: