I am in deep trouble and need a guide...

[MarkJames3]

Hi Guys,

I have been on and off this forum for a few years now, sometimes i seek solace in it when I have something wrong and read that others have the same problems but also find it a very scary place when I casually read a post and then think well I have had that symptom… what if I have that cancer too etc.

My anxiety started in 2008 when my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer and shortly after I had a nightmare trip to the dentist which scared the life out of me (before then I was one of a few who didn't mind the dentist). Since 2008 I have had 4 people in my family circle have Cancer (my broth in law dying from it) currently my dad is going through skin cancer (simple operation to remove it).

Alongside all this has been happening my health anxiety has ebbed and flowed sometimes I have been bad and sometimes been better… early on I had guided self help which I thought helped at the time but obviously it was no long term fix. I have had tablets which I just felt masked the problem so stopped them… I have also had hypnotherapy which again i thought was the answer to all my prayers but in the long run hasn't helped.

I recently went through another bout of guided self help, and started to feel better then the stuff with my dad came along and although I thought I was handling it well evidently I am not.

Going into 2014 and my 30th year I was determined to change my ways, I have a son and am getting married in 2015 and didn't want that to pass me by… I made little changes like stopping caffeine and getting to bed earlier.

Then bam about 4 weeks ago as some of you may have read I found a lump in my mouth… after 4 doctors visits and 2 dentist visits and still counting all have not been worried in the slightest and said to come back in 6-8 weeks if its still there…. Thats where in the first problem lies… by them putting a timescale on it I feel like I am on a deathwatch and countdown for the next 8 weeks when I go back and they turn around and say "ah actually yeah this could be serious"…

In these past 4 weeks I have had positive periods where I think 'ah it will go, stop worrying and enjoy life' to ' it salivary gland cancer, and it won't be treatable and I'm just sitting around waiting for the diagnosis'

I really feel at the moment I am on the biggest downward spiral, every time I think I am at my lowest I go even lower… its affecting my fiancee and my 2 year old son doesn't have his dad to engage with because my mind is elsewhere.

I know I am stressed through all this worrying and when people say "try not to be stressed as you will make yourself ill" i then run on the thoughts of 'oh god I am so stressed if i haven't got cancer already I will definitely get it now through stress"

I feel like I have symptoms and pains all over my body that just won't go, I focus on them 75% of the day… when I am distracted or asleep they go….
But I just can't tell what is anxiety or real anymore… a pain in my groin… is that cancer or is it my mind?

Everyone tells me the mind is a powerful thing… but can it stretch that far to give you a random pain in your groin or itchy arm pits which I have had on and off for 5 years.

My fiancee and sister who I chat to a lot about how I feel, tell me I am not helping myself and I don't WANT to get better… I feel I do WANT to get better but then when I actually think about it I am not pushing myself to get better because my mindset right now is "ok I can feel happy for the next 4 weeks but when the lump is still there and I go to the docs and they diagnose me… all that happiness or else worrying was a pointless exercise"

Again my partner says not being harsh but I actually probably revel in my own misery and its comfortable for me to be worried and anxious, its a habit and all I know.

I am constantly checking myself and trying to kid my brain into thinking I am not reassurance seeking when I actually am without realising it…

My point to all this… is the slim hope that there is someone out there that feels the same way… and also a hope in that maybe someone or some people can help me sort a path out to try down..

I am so exhausted feeling this way… I feel so depressed when I see someone laughing in the street, I wish so much to be like that person.

I feel in a constant cycle of stress causing symptoms and symptoms causing stress and I don't know how to break it, I don't feel like I have the will to break it…

I would just love to feel stress and worry free and rational so that when I do have a pain or lump etc I can assess it properly without a skewed view and wondering if anxiety is causing it…

I hope all this makes sense and if you have got down to this far I truly thank you… I know I have rambled on, I just feel stuck in a hole with no rope to get out….

[Primula]

How about instead of trying to convince yourself you dont have cancer. You just say to yourself, whatever will be will be, everytime you get the negative thoughts. Another thing I have learned is that you keep saying over and over to yourself, until you get bored of it, "it's always possible this is cancer, and I am doing nothing to stop It"

It's advisable to set a 30 min worry time, when you allow yourself to worry as much as you like, but you do nothing to comfort yourself. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it does work. Not and overnight cure, nothing is, but just allow yourself to have the thoughts, let them in, and sometimes you will find they are not that bothered to come along anymore.

[robin321]

I know how you feel. 2 years ago I had a similar experience.

I had a lump in my neck. I saw the doc, and they said come back in 4 weeks if it hadn't got better.

My mind was racing. How would I make it through 4 weeks? What if it didn't get better? Of course I assumed it wouldn't... and I drove myself nuts.

I also have a wife, and 2 sons (who were 2, and newborn) and I couldn't focus or be happy. I ran back to another dr after 2 weeks, and was told the same thing. Wait 4 weeks. I couldn't stand waiting, and got them to refer me for an ultrasound.

I ended up waiting on eggshells over Xmas for the results. Finally I got called, and was told I would have to a specialist. The wait was 6 weeks.

Like you I felt like it was a death sentence. How could I enjoy the 6 weeks? What would I do? I really felt sorry for myself. Luckily my dad lectured me, and kicked me in the ass. And so did my wife. And I put myself into therapy (once ever 2 weeks, not cheap but worth it), and read some self help books.

I won't lie. It wasn't easy. But I made it through, and eventually I got positive answers. It was a hard time. I think my advice would be that you are more than likely ok. It is ok to be anxious, but try to do something to counter that and use your time positively. And try to appeciate each moment for what it is. Here I am 2 yrs later, and I wish I had some of those moments back. But they made me stronger, and I learned and am better for it now. You will be too.

[MarkJames3]

Thanks guys…

For me not just with this particular thing but in general I can't cope with uncertainty, but know I need to to get over this anxiety.

I work myself up about information I have read in the past… for example the mouth problem, all docs and dentists have said its not mouth cancer… but then my mind skips to salivary gland cancer… I google it and it says that this cancer is very rare with only 550 cases each year with most people in their 50's/60's and 9 times out of 10 it develops in the large salivary glands with symptoms being facial problems…only 1 case out of ten is seen in the minor glands in the roof of your mouth (where my lump is)… so the likely hood of me having it is minimal or like 1 in a million, any normal person would see that but my mind just doesn't comprehend that fact… I am convinced I will be the one with it against all odds…

Why can't my mind compute the evidence?

[HoneyLove]

One of the most difficult parts of anixety is the irrational thoughts and cycles of worry. It's hard to see it, but it is our own patterns of thinking that lead us into these anxious cycles.

Our brains don't know the difference between a real or imagined threat, so whenever you are worrying it will release stress hormones into your body in the same way it would if you were facing a real physical threat. The result is stressed and highly anxious states that continues in exhausting cycles.

One of the keys to breaking these cycles is to look at how you think. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is designed for this, it's well worth investigating. It's one of the top recommended treatments for anxiety. Have a chat with your GP about it, or look for therapists in you area online.

You could also look into regular therapy to help you deal with the shock of o many relatives getting cancer, that must have been so distressing for you and talking through it with a professional may help.

For the stress levels you could introduce a daily relaxation exercise like meditation or guided relaxation. This will counteract the levels of stress hormones in your body and help you to be more calm. Just 10 minutes of meditation a day has been shown to have positive effects on both physical and mental health.

Exercise will also help enormously with stress levels, it will release endorphins which will lift your mood and help you to focus better. Even just a brisk walk a couple of times a week will be enough to help you, give it a try :)

[LF87]

'If it's still there come back in X amount of weeks' is the last thing you want to hear -
I had the exact same thing. I had a sore tongue, looked at it in the mirror, and to by absolute horror I had 3 lumpy things on the side of it. That was it! Googled, panicked stricken. Infact that episode was what started my health anxiety, about a year ago now.
Went to a walk in centre, and basically said I'm not worried, but if it's still there in a week you should see your GP. Absolute panic stations. I ran to the bathroom every morning to check if it was still there. It was. Saw GP, she sais the same, if it's still there in a week I'll refer you to an ENT specialist. Repeat process, mirror, horror, convinced I had oral C. I got a referral in two weeks, which is classed as an urgent referral. I saw the ENT guy, he checked it, then got this huge special device looking thing to examine it closer! I could hear my heart beating, honestly. The verdict? You're fine, nothing to be concerned over, might have always been that way. And, it's still the same now, nothings happened.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you my story cos I totally know how you're feeling. My family had a really bad time health wise too. It set me off, and seems to have with you too. Stay away from Google! Infact, the ENT guy said he'd seen several women that day petrified they had mouth cancer, all because of Google. He said the only time you should be googling is if you want to buy a new car or tv!


Hope you feel better. X

[sparkle_1979]

I know anxiety can give pains. I have random aches all over, twitches, burning it's all anxiety

[MarkJames3]

Thanks guys for all your words of wisdom…

The thing I find it hard to understand is in the past 5 years I have had loads of symptoms and found lots of lumps and bumps… some are still here today… however normally when I have gone to the docs about them and they have said its nothing to worry about I have just accepted it and moved on… but with this one I just can't shift that feeling of dread.

I don't know if because this particular thing is linked so closely to what originally started my anxiety ( a dentist striking the fear of god into me by saying a needed to see a specialist but not saying why) thats why I can't shift it as easily.

I think ah if this lump just goes away then I can concentrate on beating my anxiety… truth is thats all good and well until the next thing comes along right?

My anxiety and I guess a lot of others definitely centres around the dislike of 'uncertainty'… and thats probably the biggest hurdle I need to get over…. nothing is certain in life… that thought scares the c**p out of me but I need to find a way to accept it and not let it scare me.