Junot
13-03-14, 07:02
Hi everyone. It's been almost 8 years since I started suffering from anxiety and panic disorder every day. The last major panic attack I've had was in February 2013. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling extremely anxious: my heart was racing and pounding, I had nausea, diarrhea and I felt very dizzy. I immediately thought "this is it, I am in the process of having a ventricular arrythmia and it won't be long until a cardiac arrest sets in". Out of all the panic attacks I've had so far, that one was one of the scariest I've ever experienced. I called right away the emergency number and I was taken to the hospital. An ECG and blood test were performed and everything was seemingly OK. In the days that followed that episode I went to see my GP, my psychiatrist and a cardiologist and I went through a full check-up, heart function included (ECG at rest, stress test, holter, echocardiogram) and anything unusual or abnormal was found. The only finding was that my heart rate is higher at rest and in stress than it should be, but its rythm is absolutely a normal sinus rythm with no arrythmias. I think that the speedy heart rate is probably due to over-production of adrenalin by my neurons. So, effectively the cardiologist prescribed me a beta-blocker to lower the heart rate and it worked out well: from around 90 bpm at rest (over 120 bpm at the height of a panic attack) it went down to 60-70 bpm. I think the medication helped, at least initially, because when I got anxious the heart wouldn't race as much as it did before, so the symptoms linked to the racing heart were softned. The issue is: anxiety and panic are still with me and it's getting worse again, even with the medication. I've been on anti-depressants and anxiolytics for 7 years now and just recently I decided to cut off with fluoxetine. I just got fed up with taking so much of it for so long. I don't know if that's what's making it worse once again, but either way, even while I was on fluoxetine or any other anti-depressant I've taken I still had anxiety and panic attacks. They soften the symptoms for a while, but they don't make them go away and throughout time they just start coming back each time stronger than the last one. At the moment I'm on the beta-blocker and on an anxiolytic that I use in SOS situations. I don't know what do to. The symptoms haunt me every single day and even though I have all medical exams done and apparently OK I can't help but to think that anxiety and panic attacks can trigger a life-threatening cardiac arrythmia and that that will happen to me sooner or later. I feel like I might be going crazy perhaps. Should I see a doctor again? The problem is: I feel like my life is in a complete mess. I've graduated in 2012, I had a lot of plans and they simply didn't come true. It's all been a dellusion and I feel betrayed, humilliated and powerless. The prospects are not any better. What I've imagined of my life a couple of years ago won't come true any time soon - or ever! I feel like I have no future and that makes me feel extremely insecure, frightened and alone in the world. While I was a student I thought that after graduation I would finally get the job I wanted - and for which I've studied so hard - and finally get things right in my life, so at that point in time, despite the anxiety and panic I already had, I really didn't feel depressed. However, my after-graduation plans went wrong, I graduated but I'm jobless at the moment, and now it seems that I'm plunging as well into a full-blown depression, to add up to the panic and anxiety that have been following me for years. What should I do to stop this downward spiral? It's like a black hole is dragging me in and there's no way out. I feel like I'm losing it this time, I've been through too much. Thanks for you attention!