View Full Version : How to recover. The cure?
I am posting this not because I have yet recovered but because I am starting to realise how to. I desperately want to be free of this disorder, and I am also desperate to help others in the same state.
I have done CBT, mindfullness training, listened to much advise and read some great books on the subject. I follow the teachings of many including Claire Weekes. However I still fall short of getting through this long spell of GAD.
The good news is that it is slowly starting to sink in where I am failing and I am sure many, if not all , will empathise.
It is well established that our nervous systems have become over active and giving us a whole raft of horrible sensations and associated thoughts. I think we all will appreciate that if we could completely lose all fear of the way we feel, then our over active imagination would calm down along with the over the top flight or fight sensations we feel every day. The whole system would return to a more normal state and anxiety would be felt only when appropriate and and at normal levels. Our systems will need time to return to normal and this is one of the main difficulties we face as most of us would like something to happen now!
I also think that I never quite took on board how good the system is at convincing me that I shouldn't ignore the sensations and thoughts. That they are important and that I ignore them at my peril. The system is designed to frighten, and make us take notice. We feel urged to act, to be acutely aware of danger even though there is none. Backed up by feelings of dread and the physical feelings, the system is hard to ignore and carry on as normal.
If you are like me, then there are times in the day when I feel a little less anxious, even normal, and I am confident that I will practice real acceptance and not allow the anxiety to frighten me, but when it comes, it isn't that easy is it?
Now the choice is at these times to do what I usually do. I fear it, I want it to go away. I am shocked that my determination to act differently seems to have fallen away and I feel that this is too much to handle. My symptoms and sensations are unique to me and I am different to all others in that I am defeated.
The realisation I want to share is that although we may all have varying symptoms, the system is the same and it is defeating us in the same way. It feels wrong to ignore. It feels overwhelming. It feels like something awful awaits us. But the truth is this is all just part of a very convincing safety system that we all have. It's inappropriate and not comfortable but there are a couple of facts about this that we all need to hold on to.
1. It's harmless
2. It is transient, and changes on its own.
3. It cannot force any behaviour on our part, we have choices.
This morning I felt horrible again, and my habit is to think that this is bad, and i cannot cope with it. Then I remember that this is not a permenant feeling and it is inappropriate fear. I am allowed to ignore it. This feels all wrong but it is absolutely right and poses no dangers.
Now the final trick is to behave as if you were not anxious. And the hardest part is not to watch or expect it to go away any time soon. It's going to go away but not if you keep trying to make it go. You have to be patient, but with the knowledge that you are feellng crap now, but you are following the right path. Patience is needed plus a bit of faith... (I really have trouble with this part)
The alternative, if you want, is to do what you are urged to do. Fret about it, avoid things, fight with it, fear it, hate it... But it's not working is it.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this and as I am writing this while feeling very anxious, it proves itis possible to still keep the plan in place and wait with a change in attitude. Sure I am not feeling confident about this,,, but that's also part of the system aswell...it's all just anxiety.
Hope this helps.
good post Phil,
The main way i have overcome my anxiety for the last year is to simply ignore it but I also learnt not to push myself to hard when things become to difficult.I also believe you should never focus on or give any timescale to recovery it will only make things worse,this approach has also helped me enormously
Doing this I have gone from being hospitalised twice to about 80-90% anxiety free
Great post Phil! this is going to be a great help to many!
I'm currently just coming out of my anxieties through a similar way of thinking and like you, the patience is the hard part! I've found Buddhist teachings on impermanence to be a massive help for that.
Also, i found stopping the acting was a big help for me. Strip it all back and be that true self of yours, the one that's being squashed underneath your GAD and acting, you'll be surprised with the relief in letting go. Then with that relief you can use the new found strength to give yourself a little love.
Being defeated allows you to find your weaknesses and come back stronger, although some people will say you can never be defeated by your own mind.
I'm sure you know what you need to do, so keep at it, you're not alone and you know this will all pass, have a great day :)
Great post, Phil. So glad to see the rational side of your brain talking to yourself and others. You should celebrate this success. This will help a lot of people. Great job and keep up the good work.
Superb post, have you read nothingworks.weebly.com very insightful also. I'm at peace with the changing sensations my body gives me and ignoring them and letting time pass is the path I'm currently on, being patient and waiting for that goal. The goal is me. I'm happy to wait for whenever my body and mind are ready. I think that's acceptance?
Catherine S
13-03-14, 12:36
I think we also forget sometimes that we can't chase anxiety away completely, its part of life and part of the lives we lead. Sometimes we have to make changes in our lives to relieve stress and change the way our body reacts to it. But because we have suffered constant anxiety and lived with constant fear of the symptoms that anx brings, we mistakenly strive for no anxiety at all, and that's not reality for anybody.
Well done on getting ontop of your fears enough to recognise them for what they are. A really helpful post :D
ISB x
Thanks everyone,
I think the post is to myself as well as to others.
Immediately after posting this I started to feel once again overwhelmed with the feelings I dread so much. It is really hard to practice carrying on through these sensations and i have to be mindful not to break down and feel defeated.
It always amazes me that my churning fearful tummy can feel so threatening. My mind starts racing but in amoungst the defeatist thoughts are the thoughts I need to challenge them with... Like, this means nothing, it's just the sensations of fear and it will pass. But it's difficult not to try and make it better which really doesn't work. It's a start.
I also have to start believing that although I am appearing and acting normally, this feeling that I am about to break doesn't matter and I can carry on. The only thing I am not sure I can really do is eat! Eating when feeling this way is difficult.
Anyway, I am off medication now and have been for about 2 weeks and that's another thing that pops into my tiresome mind...am I going through some kind of withdrawal.
What I said still stands though, I think all of this is just what anxiety does. None of it is significant and none of it is permenant. I will carry on trying not to be fooled by it all.
I am so glad that others feel this has to be the way to go.
Simple, but definately not easy.
Phil
daisymaisy
13-03-14, 13:39
Thanks for this advice Phil. Am going through an anxious time myself at the moment and this is really helpful especially the part about not having to react to the anxious thoughts. Good luck with overcoming your anxiety - you sound like you're well on the way.:)
Truly excellent post Phil... I think someone just sharpened their sword ;) More power to you!
Positive thoughts
I love this, thank you :)
Just to let you know that the trick of anxiety continues to make this so hard.
I had to read my own post this morning as I woke at 2am with a full blown panic. I think I did manage to get an hour of so of sleep after but the anxiety was intense and coming in waves every minute or so.
All the things I have to do in the next few days seem impossible.
I remember thinking, in the dark, I am defeated again.... It's too much and I can't practice what I preach. It's no wonder we feel so bad when we continually frighten ourselves with these believable thoughts, and then blame ourselves for the state we are in.
I have been tricked again... Like I said it's all part of the anxiety and I never fail to be taken in by it especially in the dark of the night.
When the daylight arrived the choice is mine again. Do I despair and withdraw, or do I build on the new belief that I can ignore all this bluster, no matter how awful it feels.
Well I have struggled but choose the 2nd option, because choosing the first option is keeping me ill.
It's hard. I guess if it was easy, there wouldn't be so many in difficulty. Keep going!
Phil
TooMuchToLiveFor
14-03-14, 13:57
Just to let you know that the trick of anxiety continues to make this so hard.
I had to read my own post this morning as I woke at 2am with a full blown panic. I think I did manage to get an hour of so of sleep after but the anxiety was intense and coming in waves every minute or so.
All the things I have to do in the next few days seem impossible.
I remember thinking, in the dark, I am defeated again.... It's too much and I can't practice what I preach. It's no wonder we feel so bad when we continually frighten ourselves with these believable thoughts, and then blame ourselves for the state we are in.
I have been tricked again... Like I said it's all part of the anxiety and I never fail to be taken in by it especially in the dark of the night.
When the daylight arrived the choice is mine again. Do I despair and withdraw, or do I build on the new belief that I can ignore all this bluster, no matter how awful it feels.
Well I have struggled but choose the 2nd option, because choosing the first option is keeping me ill.
It's hard. I guess if it was easy, there wouldn't be so many in difficulty. Keep going!
Phil
Right there with ya this morning! I am choosing to LIVE today too…., even though I have to fight for it.
cokesmyth5
14-03-14, 15:18
Phil
I've just come across your post. It resonates so well with my thoughts this morning in the middle of severe anxiety. I've lost count of the number of times I've had an anxiety episode of varying lengths. Every time I am sucked in to believing and considering my catastrophic thoughts. Many times I have felt that I'm too exhausted to shout back but I know deepdown I can be the winner eventually - always.
Thank you
---------- Post added at 15:18 ---------- Previous post was at 15:10 ----------
Phil
Me again. Just read your 1st post - I need to save it because I find it inspiring and energizing.
I am exactly the same re food. I've eaten so many times with severe anxiety on the side but I've never been sick (come mighty close though!)
Hi Phil,
There is always option 3 - find the right medication. If it doesn't exist today, it will sometime in the future.
I'm about the same age as you. Three years or so ago, I had virtually consigned myself to semi-retirement, watching tomato plants grow and coping with anxiety that frequently left me in tears.
With the right medication, I now have a full-time university job in Japan and loving it. As I write this, I'm on vacation in Vietnam. Tomorrow morning I'm off for two nights on a boat in Halong Bay. Sounds great, but like many people on NMP, in the past for me, it would have all been ruined by anxiety.
Like most people here, I would also like to be medication free. As an experiment, I often cut back. But when I feel those familiar negative thoughts creeping back in, I say "Don't be silly. Take your medication!" I do, and in a couple of hours everything is okay again.
I didn't know anything about Claire Weekes until recently. It turns out she was an Australian, where I come from. But she was born around 1903, and died in the 1990s. Her great breakthrough was to emphasize that anxiety is just an inappropriate manifestation of the physiological fear response, in contrast to all the Freudian stuff that was going around at the time. So far, so good.
One quote puts her at saying that she still had panic attacks from time to time. When a person expressed sympathy, she said "Why? It's just a temporary imbalance of naturally occurring chemicals in the brain."
The problem for me is when her "It's natural. Don't fight it," approach still isn't working after months or even years. I think she died or was well into old age before modern drug therapies existed, and if she was 45 today she may well say something different.
My feeling is that if it is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain that is stubbornly NOT temporary, the right medication is a good third option.
cokesmyth5
14-03-14, 16:49
I agree with you about the medication. I can't imagine that I'll ever stop taking it but if works, that's fine by me. I've stopped taking it before and had bad episodes as a result. I promised by family and myself I would never do that again.
I subscribe to Phil6's view when I have a blip, like now
Yes, I am definately not anti medication. I am just unlucky with it. I had real problems with side effects when I tried different SSRIs and was on Mertazapine recently but found it made me very drowsy in the mornings. I have at least 5 periods of an anxiety disorder throughout my working career and recovered without medication so I have a belief that I can do so again which keeps things simple for me. I have been very well for 7 years prior to this episode which has gone on longer than I anticipated. It started with a health scare which turned out to be nothing but has persisted i think that is due to retirement and a lack of distractions.
I may decide to try medications again if necessary but unfortunately SSRIs don't seem to suit me. I have learned a lot through CBT and reading over the last year and it's time I started to use this knowledge.
Phil
LiveAboveIt
15-03-14, 05:18
Awesome post, man. Sums up exactly how I feel.
Hi Phil,
Good luck, whatever you decide. Pregabalin isn't an SSRI or related AD - it has a different mode of action. I also had a terrible reaction to one SSRI, paroxetine, so I know what it can be like.
Thank you Phil,
I'm new on here and that really helped me.
shakey1961
30-03-14, 20:27
I'll get back on my soap box, but going gluten free has cured me!
I've had every feeling under the sun with anxiety and I'm just so relaxed now.
Search out my posts, all the info you need is in them.
Glad to hear that Shaky.
What I would say is that I have had a few episodes of anxiety throughout my life and also some lengthy periods (7 years+) without anxiety, apart from normal levels die to days to day stresses.. I think if I had a gluten problem, that wouldn't have been the case.
Phil
harasgenster
30-03-14, 21:06
I'm recovered (from anxiety at least) and what Phil said here is the way I did it. If you feel anxious, it's fine to notice it (i.e. don't try to force it away) but don't focus on it and never try to fix it. If you're the kind of person, like me, that moves a little faster when they're anxious, then slow down and do everything at a normal pace. Continue as normal and the anxiety will pass. Over time the periods of anxiety become fewer and farther between then eventually fade away.
Fighting anxiety is what perpetuates it.
Any tips on not focusing on it?
Harasgenster,
That's good to hear.
What defeats me at the moment is when I try not to react to the physical side if this, which is in my case a sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach, I try and allow it but it seems to keep coming in waves. I don't get true panic attacks, just a horrible feeling which seems to stick. Losing the plot and allowing the emotion to come out as despair and occasional crying is an urge which gives some relief. But this does nothing for my self esteem or confidence.
If I do despair, it feels like a real backward step.
I did spend all day feeling anxious and acting normal, but I don't seem to get any reward for doing so... No feeling of relief or achievement. Just a feeling of not doing this right.
Any tips?
harasgenster
30-03-14, 22:20
Any tips?
Well, crying is good for you. It isn't only anxiety that passes if you allow it, it's also those feelings of despair and sadness. If having those feelings and letting them out affects your self-esteem, perhaps you're looking at the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with having those feelings, they're normal. Having them and expressing them makes you no less normal and no less of a man. Perhaps your feelings of anxiety are founded on your feelings of despair and you're trying to block the despair?
You might feel sick for a day or two, anyway. That happens during times of stress. It won't go away straight away, sometimes you need to give it a bit of time. You could try distracting yourself from it and then coming back to it and then distracting yourself again so that's it's a kind of phased response. That's what most people do at times of hardship. So if something terrible happened, most people wouldnt' spend all day in bed crying. They would spend some part of the day in bed crying, then they would get up and take their mind of it for a while, then go back to bed and cry again :) That's a healthy way to deal with things. So long as you let the emotions play themselves out, and you are compassionate to yourself - 'there's nothing wrong with feeling this way and if I need time to get through this then I need time to get through this' - then the emotions will pass.
Thanks for this... It helps
I certainly do suffer from a man thing about tears. It is a problem I know.
I sometimes get so determined to go through an anxious day without crumbling, the pressure does become enormous. I cannot bear the thought of my children, who are now adults, seeing me like that. Anxiety for me is all about fear of losing control in the presence of others. It's difficult for men! I think that is common.
Acceptance is all about not trying to control, but I find myself focusing on how I feel all the time.
I have had days when I have felt like it doesn't matter how I feel, and this works. But once again mist of what I do is attempting to change the way I feel.... It is so hard not to fall into that trap.
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