Waldenpond
13-03-14, 12:14
My name's Mark. I'm very glad to have discovered this group.
I've always suffered from mild-moderate anxiety, but had my first panic attack at the end of last year, and this is a whole new territory for me.
I took two puffs of a joint, and a few hours later was in an ambulance. I was sure it I was going to die, and believed at one point that I was going into cardiac arrest in my girlfriend's arms. The fear of death or insanity was so intense that it's actually incredible that I'm functioning at all. All the same, I'm not well - consistently anxious (particularly health anxiety) and fairly regular panic attacks.
I've just not been able to shake it off! Very much tempted by medication, but am willing to persevere for another month or so to see if I can defeat it myself.
It's incredible how much this disorder can make you feel like your own worst enemy. What seems to have happened is that our capacity for self-criticism (or self-hatred or whatever) has been amplified, and we're constantly battling with this voice in our heads which WANTS us to self-destruct.
For me, that is the problem. I fear that voice, I try to switch it off, but in so doing I seem to be giving it strength. Giving it permission to lead me into hell again.
Anyway, I thought I'd say hello. As awful as panic disorder is, it's also very interesting, and I suspect that increasing our understanding of it might help us to overcome it. But maybe not!
I've always suffered from mild-moderate anxiety, but had my first panic attack at the end of last year, and this is a whole new territory for me.
I took two puffs of a joint, and a few hours later was in an ambulance. I was sure it I was going to die, and believed at one point that I was going into cardiac arrest in my girlfriend's arms. The fear of death or insanity was so intense that it's actually incredible that I'm functioning at all. All the same, I'm not well - consistently anxious (particularly health anxiety) and fairly regular panic attacks.
I've just not been able to shake it off! Very much tempted by medication, but am willing to persevere for another month or so to see if I can defeat it myself.
It's incredible how much this disorder can make you feel like your own worst enemy. What seems to have happened is that our capacity for self-criticism (or self-hatred or whatever) has been amplified, and we're constantly battling with this voice in our heads which WANTS us to self-destruct.
For me, that is the problem. I fear that voice, I try to switch it off, but in so doing I seem to be giving it strength. Giving it permission to lead me into hell again.
Anyway, I thought I'd say hello. As awful as panic disorder is, it's also very interesting, and I suspect that increasing our understanding of it might help us to overcome it. But maybe not!