What to do now?

[mummyanxious]

Well I went to see my gp Wednesday to talk over the mess I've gotten into. We talked at length about a plan to get me better and he wanted me to try some medication. I hate medication as I've tried it before but reluctantly I agreed. So I took my first sertraline Thursday morning. Felt mostly ok apart from overwhelming tiredness and yawning. Thursday evening I had an odd adrenalin rush which worried me. Anyway Friday I had my second and didn't feel so tired but by dinner time I started to get tingling feelings all over and while I was walking round a shop I felt like I couldn't breath. Just where your ribs start to part in your chest became very very tight and felt like someone was pressing on it. I felt overwhelmingly sick and started to tingle all over, my arms legs and tongue and oddly my groin.
So this happened a few times and I called the dr and went in and they said my breathing was ok sats 98% (which I thought was low as I'm used to it being 99-100% when they've checked before).
So I said I can't carry on taking something that is making me worse as by the evening I was a zombi. My family were commenting on how I just wasn't there. They were talking to me and I wasn't responding.
Is this all normal? It was like I didn't know what was going on. Like I was in another planet. Is this depersonalisation? It really scared me I thought I was going mad.
Anyway I dropped asleep really early and I'm extremely tired today. Feeling very panicky. So I've got some diazepam for the weekend and we've agreed ill stop the sertraline.
I just feel utterly upset now. I feel ten times worse than I did, its completely set me back. I don't want to be on my own or go anywhere.
I don't know where to go from here!

---------- Post added at 08:11 ---------- Previous post was at 08:03 ----------

I keep getting waves where I feel like I can't breath and my tongue and mouth go tingly. I'm terrified.

[Fishmanpa]

So "we've" meaning you and your family? You're stopping the med a couple days after starting? You've not even given it a chance :(

Yes, there are side effects when starting up. Yes, they're not pleasant. Yes, it can take upwards of 2-3 weeks before things settle down and you notice a difference. All you need to do is search the forum and there are thread after thread after thread on the side effects that describe precisely what you're feeling. You'd see what you're experiencing is pretty normal. Your doctor knows what can happen when you take SSRIs and he prescribed it based on trying to help you.

One thing is for certain. Nothing will change at all if you don't. Why take a positive step by going to your GP and explaining everything only to not heed his advice?

Good luck and positive thoughts

[mummyanxious]

I have been to see him and we've is me and him not me and my family.
I am well aware there are side effects starting these, I have extensively been through the sertraline board and not seen many people talk about breathing difficulties.
Yesterday I was a zombi and I cannot be like this looking after two children. They need me to perform basic tasks for them and I cannot function. If I knew it was going to be 1-2 weeks then maybe I could ride it out but there are people who have been on them 4+ week still suffering side effects.

---------- Post added at 14:22 ---------- Previous post was at 14:17 ----------

I cannot tell you how much courage it took me to even try to take these tablets again after the effects I had on citalopram a while ago.

[Fishmanpa]

I have been to see him and we've is me and him not me and my family.

Well that's good. It's never a good thing to stop or alter a dose on a med, regardless of what it is without professional supervision. There are many, many posts of people doing just that here. Ok... there are alternatives on the market. My daughter was on Zoloft and it stopped working. Her doctor put her on Lexapro and she's doing great!

Good Luck and positive thoughts

[mummyanxious]

I've tried two ssri now and had increased anxiety on both. The pharmacist I spoke to yesterday when I got my diazepam advised that I probably wouldn't like a different ssri and that a tricyclic might be better as it would be calming rather than stimulating?
I'm just not sure what to do. I've got no energy. My tongue is constantly tingling like I'm lacking air and my pulse isn't getting over about 75 even going up the stairs.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Oh, Mummy, I am sad to hear this…..mainly, because I have BEEN THERE. I KNOW how bad it is starting up, because I am one of the ones that really, really struggled on start up.
Is there any chance that you would consider continuing and pushing through? Even for two weeks? Is your doctor okay with you continuing if YOU are okay with continuing?
I had such severe panic on start up that my already crisis state turned into agoraphobia, but I was in such bad shape I had no choice but to trust my doctor and forge through. Best decision ever.
How can I help you today?
(And, I had terrible breathing issues. I also felt like I was getting electrocuted from the inside out. That being said. NO ONE I KNOW has had start up like I have. I have found most people have increased anxiety, but I was living in full blown panic mode, and yet I repeat--- IT WAS SO WORTH IT.)

[Fishmanpa]

Thanks for a more nurturing response from experience TooMuch. I took Zoloft (100mg) for depression after my heart attack/bypass. I don't recall any real side effects other than bowel issues. I didn't really "feel" anything or notice a change but those around me did. At about a month in some friends commented that I sounded better. I found it interesting as I really didn't notice a difference. I was in counseling as well so the combination helped me get through that valley. I stopped the med 6 after six months and was weaned off. That was when I noticed that I was "drugged". I really didn't like the effects (bowel issues aren't fun) nor the dizziness and general yuck feeling coming off.

This last bout with depression, I was able to get through without meds. Counseling and some of the CBT techniques from the course here helped tremendously. Those same techniques have come in handy when the "scanxiety" kicks in every three months at check up time. I'll be speaking to my GP about a "chill pill" that I can take when my Dragon comes to camp out.

The point being. Ultimately, you have to do "something" to move towards recovery. Often times, as it is in life in general, one must go through hard times to get to the good times.

Positive thoughts

[mummyanxious]

I am having a break and going to speak to the dr again on Monday to reassess TMTLF.
The breathing thing is really freaking me out because I don't feel like I'm tensing my chest muscles at all but I feel like I'm suffocating and my chest is burning.
The spaced out is the pits as well. I can't be relying on my family every day to help me with my kids.
The counseller referral called me Friday to get more details so the ball is rolling there at least.

---------- Post added at 16:16 ---------- Previous post was at 16:14 ----------

FMP I've done all this on my own without meds many times. I come out eventually. I think it's the come down of all the stress I've been through last year. The adrenalin in still flowing even though it doesn't need to be if that makes sense.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

FMP- I think your looking back and feeling "drugged" comment has been very insightful for me, because I read it once before in one of your posts and found myself thinking- "Am I going to feel drugged too once (if ever) I am off?" ….And, then I realized….when I'm not blipping around I have had weeks where I am the "best version of myself" on these meds. I am clearer. I am joyful, and not in a fake, euphoric way. It has really made me realize (my docs too) how low my serotonin level probably was and has been, but I have always found ways to compensate. So, rather a testament to how meds work differently for us depending on where we are chemically.

Mummy- I am sorry, I can't remember your whole story off hand- what are the issues with which you struggle? Do you have HA?…..I do not, so the physical symptoms of anxiety and med start up weren't hard for me to accept for what they are….., but I was having deathly fear over not being able to be fixed and that I would have to live in that Hell forever. The burning sensations I had all over my body. In particular my chest, upper arms, thighs, and the worst-- brain. I felt I could actually feel my brain doing "stuff" and changing. Over sensitization, panic in general,- these things do not help calm us during these trying times- that is for sure!
I also kept asking everyone- "Am I making sense? Do I sound like me" …..Looking back I had terrible depersonalization as well. I remember washing dishes one day and just found myself staring at my hands because they seemed "weird"…..like the didn't belong to me.

And, yes,….you can find ways to rely on people everyday to help you through this, because you will get through this….., but you are going to have to walk through a bit of fire to get to the other side most likely. You don't want to live as you were, right? That is why you started seeking treatment…….I just want to see you well, and although I certainly don't have all the answers…..I have personal experience, and will be happy to share it with you in any way.

[Fishmanpa]

]FMP I've done all this on my own without meds many times. I come out eventually. I think it's the come down of all the stress I've been through last year. The adrenalin in still flowing even though it doesn't need to be if that makes sense.

That makes total sense as it's how my "scanxiety" manifests itself. While I handle the stress well, it tends to internalize and affect me that way. I do get more irritable and impatient a couple weeks prior to my follow up appointments. That's the body's response to increased adrenalin and the general "fight or flight" response to danger, whether it's real or not.

This last time, it manifested into chest pain. Again, as in the couple of times I had it before, I "knew" it was anxiety/stress. But based on my history with heart problems, it's wise to get checked out. All three times this has happened, I've been fine. I hate going through all the tests and the costs involved but for me it's better safe than sorry. The difference is I'm able to rationalize and not get into the spiral that I see many here experience.

I hope to see you get there too MummyA. You've been really having a tough time of it for a while.

Positive thoughts

[mummyanxious]

TMTLF I have had for a while now a fear of my heart but I've been through a marriage breakdown and everything that goes with that and two kids. Court battles etc. I generally dislike my job as well. Everything had come more of less to an end now so my body is coming down.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Ahhh….that I understand. Not the specifics of your details, but the harshness of life that can leave our nervous system feeling in a constant state of danger.

[mummyanxious]

What I need is something to dampen down the adrenalin so my body can get a break from it. I don't know what the answer is I really don't. But apart from the breathing thing which is still with me now, my head is feeling much clearer and sharper this evening.

[Barnabas75]

Maybe I am wrong but I am nearly certain I have read somewhere you already had breathing problems before starting Sert.The breathing problems are anxiety related unless your doctor has said from the tests you have been on that its something else.And anxiety increases on start ups..oh well its your body and life and final choice is yours..pity you cant use the same amount of effort you put into believing you are sick into believing you are not and that its anxiety..best wishes

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

What I need is something to dampen down the adrenalin so my body can get a break from it. I don't know what the answer is I really don't. But apart from the breathing thing which is still with me now, my head is feeling much clearer and sharper this evening.

Actually, that is exactly what staying on the SSRI has done for me….(I know it is different for everyone),….but by inhibiting the amount of serotonin that my brain circuits were re-uptaking- it has produced a chemical balance that allows my sympathetic nervous system to realize I am in a safe, relaxed place- and it can quit pumping out adrenaline, and allow my parasympathetic nervous system to be in charge ("rest and digest" as opposed to "fight or flight").

[mummyanxious]

That's interesting TMTLF.
The tablets made my body feel like there was a battle going on between relaxation and adrenalin.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Man, in the beginning for me- there wasn't even a battle. There was just an adrenaline storm of epic proportions.

[mummyanxious]

Well beings as I only took two I thought the drugs would be out my system this morning after one night as I was feeling much clearer and pretty normal last night but this morning I'm having horrible cold waves comes over me every time I move. I'm feeling really frightened again today. The breathing thing is a little better but still there.

[cpe1978]

Objectively MA you seem to be going round in circles. I guess you either have to choose an approach and ride something through, or sit and wait for this period of HA to pass which is something you say has worked in the past.

For what it's worth I have taken ssris in the past and after riding through the initial side effects found that they achieved exactly what you are battling with. They freed up some head space, which the internal battle I was going through at the time didn't afford me.

[mummyanxious]

I'm having a terrible day today. I only took two tablets and have not had any for 24 hours but I'm still feeling dreadful. The breathing thing is still as bad and my tongue keeps tingling and my mouth going hot and then my breathing goes hot and I get cold sensations in my arms and chest. This is every time I try to take a deep breath.
I feel like my gases are completely off balance and worried its going to affect my heart and lungs. I'm in a right old flap today. And if voter no dr so only the emergency dr or a&e to consult if necessary. Kids to look after and be normal around but I feel seriously weak and shakey.

[jillyb]

It does sound like panic. My doctor has given me some diazepam to help with the very increased anxiety as I get used to the tabs ( citalopram). The tabs are starting to help, 5 weeks in I think, but today I have a hideous cold/foul cough etc so the HA has really kicked in again. I hope you can speak to a doctor soon and see what they think. Lots of people seem to be given diazepam or similar when they start ssri's. I hope you feel better soon. X

[mummyanxious]

I haven't had one for 24 hours so I would have thought the effects would have almost left my body by now :( hope you're coping ok with your meds.
I think it's all been a massive wake up call for me.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Sweetie,
Can you clarify what you mean by "massive wake up call?" Just that meds aren't right for you?

Also, you are in a panic cycle right now. This is not the meds, themselves, but the terrible feelings of anxiety. The meds may have (even most likely) escalated your anxiety, but now your body is running with it.