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Tanner40
15-03-14, 13:34
Good Morning and a Happy Weekend to all. Just wanted to post an update on my Dad and all that goes along with the situation.

On New Year's Eve my father was rushed to the emergency room and was admitted as an inpatient. He had pneumonia but he also has a rare, primary spinal tumor, called a chordoma. So we were dealing with a neurosurgeon and an upcoming spinal surgery. He was in an extreme amount of pain with the spinal tumor, which is why we took him to the hospital to begin with.

When he was released from the hospital, he was still in extremem pain and my brother and I were taking care of him 24/7. About a month ago, my Dad developed a massive bleed, and we took him to the ER again, where once again he was admitted. Turns out he also had colon cancer, and had to undergo a colectomy. He then went to a rehab facility for about a week to regain some strength.

Testing and pathology of the resected colon ended up showing a rare form of cancer, mantle cell lymphoma, which is incurable.

Almost two weeks ago, being the stubborn man that he is, he went down the steps to check the mail, fell and broke his hip. Back again to the ER by ambulance, where he underwent surgery for a hip replacement. Pathology of the replaced hip showed that the mantle cell lymphoma had already invaded his bone marrow. Stage IV mantle cell lymphoma.

He is back in the rehab facility for the next few weeks to gain strength and mobility again.

For anyone who has read this far, thanks very much. Many folks had asked how he was doing and it felt easier to post a thread.

The stress and the anxiety caused by these situations and diagnoses has been overwhelming. I didn't think that I would ever be able to handle all of this, but thanks to my toolbox of tricks, and many of you and your support, it has all gone relatively well. I have been able to handle the stress fairly well.

I think that the important thing is that I expect there to be stress in this situation. I don't go to that place of worrying that it is just me being weak ot the panic and anxiety taking over. I know that even people without an anxiety disorder would be feeling stress in this situation.

I am learning how to set boundaries to better take care of myself. I am learning that I can't be in control of this situation. Just knowing that I do not have to be in control is a relief. No, "I should have's".

I will be posting a different thread soon about my fears about the upcoming two weeks. My partner has to leave town for ten days to care for her Mother in Atlanta, who is having surgery. This fact is making me feel fearful and I will be checking out my tool box and figuring out how to handle this situation.

Thanks for taking the time to listen.

LeFi_81
15-03-14, 14:09
Hallo Tanner,

It is impossible for me to even try to imagine how you must feel. You have climbed yet again a few levels higher in my regard. To me it seems you are making some wise decisions. In the end, we have to take care of ourselves. For if we do not, then no one will.

A short while ago I spoke to a woman who is very ill herself. Upon my question about how she is coping, she said "I cannot control my illness, but I can control my attitude". It was devastating for me to hear these words, for I long for such strength. Perhaps we have it in us to be so strong.

In all regards, I wish you only strength, calmness and inner peace.

Thank YOU for sharing this.

Jacsta
15-03-14, 14:29
I think you should be proud of yourself tanner...sounds like your poor dad and your family have had it rough....life is pants like that sometimes but I think you will come out stronger than ever... Reading about the horrible time your dad is going through makes you look at the world in a different way.

Take care, you are one tough cookie

Fishmanpa
15-03-14, 14:36
I've said it before and I'll say it again... You've done incredibly well under the circumstances. Obviously, your Dad will be on palliative care and it's my hope that the doctors can make him comfortable and give him some quality of life. One thing to look into now to gain an understanding (and I know this is a very touchy subject) is hospice. It's not always for end stage situations. They are available to help family members deal with terminal situations and help in making the patient as well as the family more comfortable.

I'm sorry to hear the news Tanner. It seems like it's been one thing after another with your Dad :( He sounds like an incredibly brave (and stubborn) Warrior (I know about the stubborn part and my fiance' will attest to that!).

If you need anything shout out Ok?

Positive thoughts and prayers

Tanner40
15-03-14, 15:10
Thanks LeFi, Jacsta and Fishmanpa. I really don't think of myself as stronger than anyone else. I a m just fortunate enough to have had great support and a determination to work hard to rid myself of my irrational thoughts. I still get them; I just know how to better deal with them thanks to CBT and some great advice from folks on this site.

Yes Fishmanpa, it has been one thing after another, but isn't that the way of life. Sometimes those are good things and sometimes bad. We just have to find the gleam of light that is hiding within the bad. This situation has brought one of my brothers and I much closer together.

As for palliative care and hospice, the oncologist is going to begin Adar on some medications and small chemotherapy that is symptom management oriented. My partner is actually a hospice nurse. That is her passion in nursing. We had hospice in for my Mom from the beginning if her diagnosis and we are already talking about hospice for my Dad. We definitely have some decisions to make over the course of the next few weeks while he is in the rehab center.

Thanks to each of you for taking the time to reply, and for your thoughts and prayers.

TooMuchToLiveFor
15-03-14, 17:01
Hey, Tanner,
What a testament to who you are that you were able to share a positive thing you have found in this time of terrible trials- the relationship with one of your brothers becoming stronger! That is wonderful to hear!

I am so, so sorry your family has this heartbreak to deal with.

We are here in anyway we can be, and I want to extend the same thing to you that you did for me…..PM me anytime and I would be MORE than happy to visit with you over the phone. I am so behind everyone with technology, so I don't have FB or FaceTime, etc…., but I have a phone! Please keep that in mind for especially when your partner has to be gone. I know that is looming before you, but remember we always build these things up with our anticipatory anxiety, and then we always come out successful.

I know what you mean inside and out about one thing after another. My younger brother (who we lost to alcohol for over a decade- and nearly for good) has fallen off the wagon again. It breaks my heart, and my tears my family apart more than my mom's cancer, dad's heart issues, etc. Trying to remember what I can do, and what I can't do. >….Actually, think I will pull up that thread of yours today for a refresher of your wise words there.

Love ya, Girl…..hang in there, and we are all so proud of you!

Round in circles
15-03-14, 17:32
Just wanted to send some warm wishes to you and your dad Tanner. It must be incredibly hard when one thing after another happens like that. I'm glad that you have your toolbox of tricks to help you through this. Thinking of you and your family :hugs:

Tanner40
15-03-14, 22:12
Thanks Round In Circles and Too Much!

Too Much, it is definitely the anticipatory anxiety that gets me started with the "what if's" when I think about being alone with all of the responsibility for the next two weeks. So I'm working on those pesky "what is's" and will soon be writing a column about it. I may just take you up on that chat offer during that time.

All will be well.

saab
15-03-14, 22:58
Just wanted to post to say how sorry I am to hear of your fathers illness and to send you my best wishes for the coming weeks.

Tanner40
16-03-14, 00:08
Thanks Saab, that means a lot to me. Hopefully I can help some people while they are supporting me. That would be the ideal way for NMP to work. I appreciate your kind words.

MrAndy
16-03-14, 08:16
:hugs:

MRS STRESS ED
16-03-14, 16:11
Hi Tanner just wanted to say your a wonderful person many people would of run a mile ,you are doing an amazing job ,you should be proud of yourself it must be the hardest job you could ever do nursing a loved one ,you are strong and your an inspiration thinking of you and your family

almamatters
16-03-14, 17:11
Sending best wishes to you and your family Tanner :hugs:

Tanner40
16-03-14, 22:11
Thanks Andy, Mrs Stress and Alma! Your kind words mean a lot. I definitely draw strength from the support of folks on this forum. It's not always easy but we do what we need to do. I try to look at it that I'm gaining strength from this experience and giving love all at the same time. my Dad and I have always had a bit of a contentious relationship and this experience is allowing me to heal some of that. Always have to look for the good in a situation and we will generally find something positive.

KLP
16-03-14, 22:30
May I add your in my thoughts in this testing time. You have a wonderful way with words on NMP helping and supporting others, even though none of us truly know one another, you show a warmth that's comforting. If I could show half the strength you are in this chapter of your life, I'd be proud of myself.

Tanner40
17-03-14, 11:08
Thanks KLP. From your recent posts, I see a new strength. Looks like you're working hard and you'll get there