shatteredsolace
16-03-14, 20:49
Hi guys,
I guess I'm really just looking for some solidarity here. I'm 24 and I've suffered from intrusive thoughts since I was about seventeen. I get them about a bunch of things - dying, the world ending, and sometimes sexual attraction (I'm a lesbian and for a while I was scared that I'd been lying to myself all along and I was actually straight).
I graduated about a year ago and I've had to move back with my family, and a few weeks ago I started having intrusive sexual thoughts about my sister. At first I was able to brush them off but this week I got into a panic spiral and I keep being scared that it's really what I want. I'm usually quite affectionate with friends and family members and my sister has noticed that I haven't been hugging them as much as I normally do but for pretty obvious reasons I can't tell her what's up. I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself, to the point where I want to self-harm or do something to somehow get these thoughts out of me.
Today I summoned up the courage to tell my best friend, and she told me it was normal and was very supportive of me. I'm seeing a therapist who's being supportive as well. I can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend specifics, but she knows I have intrusive thoughts and she helps as much as she can. I'm very lucky, and I know that eventually this episode will pass like all the other ones did, but right now it feels like it's never going to end and I'm scared.
Um. Thanks for listening.
I guess I'm really just looking for some solidarity here. I'm 24 and I've suffered from intrusive thoughts since I was about seventeen. I get them about a bunch of things - dying, the world ending, and sometimes sexual attraction (I'm a lesbian and for a while I was scared that I'd been lying to myself all along and I was actually straight).
I graduated about a year ago and I've had to move back with my family, and a few weeks ago I started having intrusive sexual thoughts about my sister. At first I was able to brush them off but this week I got into a panic spiral and I keep being scared that it's really what I want. I'm usually quite affectionate with friends and family members and my sister has noticed that I haven't been hugging them as much as I normally do but for pretty obvious reasons I can't tell her what's up. I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself, to the point where I want to self-harm or do something to somehow get these thoughts out of me.
Today I summoned up the courage to tell my best friend, and she told me it was normal and was very supportive of me. I'm seeing a therapist who's being supportive as well. I can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend specifics, but she knows I have intrusive thoughts and she helps as much as she can. I'm very lucky, and I know that eventually this episode will pass like all the other ones did, but right now it feels like it's never going to end and I'm scared.
Um. Thanks for listening.