Hi.. I'm new.. and terrified and in need of help

[halfwayhome]

I am so glad I found this site.
My name is Steph - I'm 22 and have suffered with anxiety my whole life. It started with seperation anxiety as a very young child, and I now have OCD, GAD and Panic Disorder. I was midiagnosed with ADHD as a child and it took them two years before they figured out that it was actually anxiety.

Lately, my anxiety has been out of control.
About five weeks ago, I had a health scare - I had some symptoms that led me to believe I had colon cancer. I went to the doctor, who did an examination and found nothing. He gave me a take home test to do, but I never did it - I was too afraid. The symptoms were horrible - mostly abdominal pain. I woke up with it daily.
Shortly after that, I started thinking I didn't have colon cancer, but I must have SOMETHING else horrible. I think I went from HIV (I've only ever had sex with one person, and never unprotected), to appendicitis to.. I can't even remember. Just everything.

Lately, I've been obsessed with a brain tumor.
It started with some vertigo and balance problems. I went to the doctor who told me it was probably labrynthitis. I didn't believe him. As time went on, I felt some facial numbness on the right half of my face, and then some numbness in my right arm and slight sensations in my left arm. After having continuous panic attacks for days (and googling to no end.) I broke down and begged my poor boyfriend (who has been dealing with this nonstop for weeks now.) to take me to the emergency room.

After waiting for five hours, I was told that this was due to stress and anxiety. I specifically asked the doctor about a brain tumor and he did some tests - no scans, just an exam. He told me straight out "this is not a brain tumor." I even asked him if he was sure. He said he was sure enough that he wasn't going to order a scan and that there was no need to "radiate my brain".

I felt better that night, but the next day it all came back. The strange sensations have now spread to my right leg as well. My motor skills are fine, they're just feelings that I have. I don't believe that anxiety can cause such strong physical symptoms no matter how many people tell me it can. My boyfriend tries so hard to tell me that it's stress, but my reaction is "how does he know?" I logic myself into not believeing the doctor because "misdiagnosis happens."

Aside from the weird sensations/numbness on the right side of my body, my memory hasn't been as good, I'm having a bit of trouble remembering the right words (but it comes back to me in less than two seconds) and I still have some vertigo.

I'm just at my wits end. I cannot continue to live my life like this. I am in a constant state of panic and anxiety. Can anxiety really cause one sided numbness like this? Can these symptoms really just be anxiety?
I am currently trying to book an appointment with my old psychaitrist who I haven't seen in over a year, but meanwhile I am just in horrible shape. I see a brain tumor commercial and I think it's a sign. I feel the tiniest sense of ANYTHING and I assume it's connected. My friend just told me a story about a friend of hers' sister who had a tumor and would've died if she had waited even a week longer to go to the hospital. This all just makes everything worse.

I'm too scared to go to another doctor. asides from the fact that everyone in my life is telling me that I'm being ridiculous. I just.. need help. I don't believe that anxiety can cause this - how can anxiety cause these sensations on only one side? I really feel like I'm going to have a seizure and die any second.

Steph

[halfwayhome]

I think one of the reasons I refuse to believe the doctor is because a good friend of mine.. her father had a brain tumor. He was paralyzed on one side. He went to the emergency room of the same hospital I went to, and the doctor told him it was nothing and to go home. I don';t think it was the same doctor as my doctor was not at all dismissive and did the examination, but it just proves that misdiagnosis CAN happen. My friends father had to fight for hours to get another doctor, who did a CT scan and found a brain tumor.

Also, I don't get headaches, but I think I have a frontal lobe tumor which doesn't list headaches as a symptom.

Steph

[LickeyEndBlues]

Hey Steph,

Boy, have you found the right place!! Welcome to NMP!!

In this site you will find lots of help, advice and support. You will also find a stack of folks who can relate 100% to what you have said. Whilst I haven't had the health scares that you describe others will be able to discuss that.

I can see and feel your anxiety however, and from what you say understand where it is coming from.

I see you have posted in two or three areas, "admins" in those areas will sort out some links for you.

There are a growing number of folks from across the pond in here and it won't be long before the chat area is 24/7, it can be very useful.

Take care Steph, remember you are not alone in here.

Iain

What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

[sgp64]

Steph

sorry to hear of your troubles. First and foremost....STOP GOOGLING. I know..I've done it and have diagnosed myself with everything and still think that somewhere there is something seriously wrong with me. Your anxiety can cause all the physical symptoms you've described and more but I know how hard this is to accept. Stick around and listen to the stories of so many people here and it will only help you to know that there are many like us.

Take care

Sean

[honeybee3939]

HI Steph,

A BIG warm welcome to you, lovely to see you here, im sure you will get some great advice here while making new friends on the way.:D

Love

Andrea
xxxx

"If you have a worry turn it into a problem, you cant solve worrys but you can solve problems"

[joolee]

hi steph, i used to have panic attacks a lot i went to cbt and that sorted me out i now know how to deal with them when i feel one coming on just now though i have been feeling awful as i am in the middle of buying my house and the stress haws made me feel anxious again i tooo right now have been feeling light headed and offf balancefor the past 5 days now i remember i used to feel like this when i was stressed before i too feel like im fighting to keep myself from having a fit honestly you are fine your symptoms that you are having just now sound ex actally like what im going through just now and it is panic it can do some strange things when you are constantly worrying about certain things if you need to speak to me pm me any time hope you feel better soon dont worry doll you will be fine xxx

[yorkylover]

Hi steph,I have been exactly where you are pet.All your symptoms are down to anxiety.Its taken me 22 years to find this out myself.You have come to the right place,and will get lots of support here.And yes these symptoms can all be anxiety.I do feel for you,and you will get better.
Take care.;)

Ellen XX

[sandie]

Hello Steph

I am so glad you have found NMP. I was a confident, outgoing 53 business woman with a management degree and was pretty happy. Six weeks ago I started panic attacks - severe palpitations, dreadful insomnia, shivers, sweats, fear of leaving the house, etc. Whilst I am now on beta blockers and sleeping tablets, I have found this website an absolute godsend; beginning to understand my attacks, finding people who can offer ways of dealing with the attacks, and sharing thoughts and feelings is such a help. Knowing I am not the only person experiencing the attacks and that it isn't really anything 'life-threatening' has made the problem so much more bearable.

You certainly sound as though you need a tremendous amount of support and I am sure NMP can contribute to that support. The First Steps pages are really VERY helpful.

Thinking of you - please take care.

Sandie

[manmoor]

Hi Steph,

A big warm welcome to you.

Take Care

Mandyxx

[sandlin]

hi steph

You've found the right place. I sometimes get funny sensations in my head and arms etc so you are not alone

Linda xx

[chillx]

Hi Steph,

Welcome to the forum. You will get lots of help and advice here. I can certainly relate o the dizziness. I had it constantly for 4 months and was convinced I had a brain tumor. I wouldn't believe the doctor. What you have to understand is that constantly worrying about it will just keep the symptoms going as you are continuously producing adrenalin.

I have to agree with Sandie this site will help you to understand your symptoms and realise they are not life threatening. It is at that point of realisation that you will begin to be more accepting and the symptoms will slowly ease. That is what happened to me and for the last 4 weeks I have been free of the dizziness/lightheaded feeling. This in turn has eased my anxiety and the depression has lifted. It takes time and you have to be patient.

chillx

[vagabond]

Welcome Steph

Without sounding patronising........you poor girl you.

About 12 years ago....i was going through similar toughts. I was either going to have a heart attack or felt i had a brain tumour. Anything i heard or saw.........i had...........if i got a spot....or a dimple or an ache or a pain....i would be looking for illnesses that started with those symptoms.

A few times i was taken to the hospital. Had several tests.

Spent £1000's on a therapist.

Then one day..............i met a CBT therapist.....and within the first session she had diagnosed me. ANXIETY

But.....i would ask...........Why i would say...........i couldnt believe what she was saying.

Over the next few weeks....she advised me to read certain books. I started to see it. How powerful our brains are, to make thoughts turn into physical symptoms.

Its called physcosymatic disorder.

Let me tell you a litte story:
In America once........they did a test..........At an NFL football game...they put it over the tanoid that the vending machine in Section C was not to be used as there had been a complaint about contaminated food.

Within an hour...........about 1000 people were vomiting and going to the local paramedics complaining of food poisening.

THERE WAS NO CONTAMINATED FOOD - HOW POWERFUL THE MIND IS WHEN GIVEN SUGGESTIONS.

A nasty test you may think. I agree...but it was a proven one.

In time Steph....i have managed to overcome the health anxiety, to the extent that I know they are just thoughts. I do get moments where i feel im not too well but realise...........i dont really have a say in it.

I LET GO.........AND I LET GOD...........that is my solution. When my time comes....my time comes. In the meantime...i try to enjoy life the best i can.

On a lighter note Steph..........i want you to not think of a pink elephant!!!

Exactly.............it cant be done.

But what can be done.............is changing our belief systems.....

Hope you find the right answers and support on this site.

Zinny & Zanny






If I could replace my Fear with Love - Even Jesus would ask my Secret !!!

[fisher]

hi steph my names joanne, i suffer from health anxiety, i must of had it since being in the juniors because i remember feeling like i couldnt breath sometimes and got sent home from school, i was always scared of dying from being young, dont know what brought it on,then when i was a teenager and i was in clubs if i got a funny feeling in my body i am sure i used to panic, and then once when i was getting ready looking in the mirror i got this weird feeling come over me like who are you and i thought what am i doing here, and thought i was going to collapse i panicked run down the stairs and sat on my mums knee and they took me to hospital, i remember screaming saying my head is going to collapse, i bet they thought i was a nutter, somebody came to speak to me, and she said because i was sunburnt i had sunstroke, but i think i had a pnic attack, but i didnt know much about them then, even now i am 33yrs old and i still panic if i get a headache thinking i have a blood clot and i am going to die, its true that if you do think of somethink your body will make you feel like you have it, i dont take meds never have, but it would be nice to see how you are getting on, email me back if you can, take care hope to here from you soon x

[jos]

hi steph

i too had, and still sometimes do have, left sided sensations as well as a lot of left sided tension and very brisk left reflexes - i had been in bolivia up at 4000m when my first major anxiety attacks happened which sent me to the ER 4 times with shortness of breath and chest pains - lots of tests later and nothing significant.

by the time i got home to the uk a month later i was in a real state - high anxiety, paranoid, dangerously depressed and some episodes of psychosis - due to my high state of anxiety the uk drs were not interested in my left sided symptoms - I thought I had had a stroke but like you had no motor problems - I eventually had a head CT and an EEG and all was clear - the chance of a scan showing anything abnormal in someone young with no motor problems is small but for me it allowed me to accept that my problems were psychological and not organic - at the time I was desperate for an organic cause and a quick cure to relieve me of my distress

I too could not believe that all my varied physical and psychological symptoms could be anxiety - nobody explained what anxiety really meant outside the normal use of the word - it wasn't until I got to this site searching for left sided symptoms that I began to understand

so why the left - i have heard of the suggestion that a otherwise minor viral infection could hypersensitise just one side of the body - also the left is often the non dominant side as well as the side controlled by the emotional right brain - another theory is perhaps conflict between your right emotional self and your left logical self expresses itself as physical left sided symptoms - i have just read Oliver Sacks - A leg to stand on - which covers aspects of this and is an interesting read

I could go on but will call it a day there
By the way - i am now largely recovered - still get odd left sided aches and sensations but now accept them as a quirk of me and pay them no attention (well not too much)

maybe your psych can order a CT if you will believe the results when its clear - thats what the drs did for me after I pushed for it

good luck jos

[Erin]

Hi Steph,

One of the scariest things about physcial sypmtoms stemming from anxiety is that they are SO REAL that it's hard to believe that they can be attributed to "anxiety". So many times I have be UTTERLY convinced that anxiety could not possibly be responsible for all of the crazy sensations I've had. Only though time and experience have I started to figure out that my body is capable of some pretty wacky stuff due to anxiety.

My fear is not knowing what is anxiety and what is really something to be concerned about. I know that as a general rule people say "go to the doctor and get it checked out" but when I'm all wrapped up in an anxious state I'm normally too petrified to do anything, let alone go to a doctor.

For now Steph, try to draw strength from the collective experience of the people here at this forum. Keep reaching out - you're doing the best thing possible. You deserve to feel better and I'm glad to hear that you're not going to settle for the suffering state that you have found yourself in.

Take care,
Erin

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
-Dr. Seuss

[tuppenybun]

Hi Steph

I'm a newbie too and you may find this free online CBT workshop useful in understanding the link between Thoughts, Behaviours, Emotions and Physical Symptoms and their relationship to outside influences such as school, families, work etc. It's

www.livinglifetothefull.com

please try it, it may give some comfort before you can get to professional help.

Take care

Tup x

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could...

[trac67]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends,

Take care

Trac xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[nomorepanic]

Hi Steph

Welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

Hope we can be of some help to you.

Nicola

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel