Hi, can anyone help?

[Sam_dh]

This is my first real post on here so...hi everyone.
I'm really struggling at the moment and I feel like I don't know what's going on. I have GAD and PTSD.
I'm 19 and this is all a result of when my dad died when I was 12.
.anyway I have this thing where I just feel tuned out and apparently it's cause my anxiety has been so high for so long that a part of my brain just zones out. Anyway it makes things feel not real and I have that feeling now but in a different way and it's really scary. I spoke to my mum tonight but all she said was about how it's different everytine and how I always say but it is different this time. I know I do say it's different each time but that's cause it is. I feel more scared than usual and I feel trapped like there is no way out of this. This'll sound stupid but earlier in the week I was watching eastenders and someone has cancer on it then I started panicking I might get cancer. That never happens so maybe I'm worrying more than usual? So all week I've probably been anxious. Also earlier in the week I was planning how to re do my bedroom but I kept thinking that I shouldn't plan as I might be down the day I'm meant to do it. So maybe In a weird way it put pressure on me. I tried distracting myself today by tidying my room and putting things on eBay but I felt like there was no point as in I won't be here. Which is weird. I don't know if my anxiety is just affecting me in a different way but I feel like this'll never end. Usually I get a fuzzy feeling in my head when I tune out bad but that's not there. It feels more clear so maybe I got a bit better but it felt weird so that made me anxious? I don't know what's going on but I feel trapped. I really don't know. I told my therapist when I saw him and he said it's because there had been a lot of uncertainty for me in the last few weeks. Uncertainty is something that makes me very anxious. With me being ill a few weeks ago with the flu, changing my bedroom which I guess could be considered a safe zone. Like a painted one wall and it makes me anxious just looking at it. But my whole perception on things is so different and I'm worrying why that is. I just feel like this is it for me. I don't know why but I feel like doomed and frustrated. I don't know what's wrong with me. My mind runs away with itself. All I'm picturing is me getting worse until I can't cope and kill myself. I don't know what's going on.
I feel tired and I feel like I can't move, like I wanna just lay here wrapped up in myself.
Anyone have any idea what's going on?
Sorry if bits don't make sense as I don't understand what's happening. Usually I have control over anxiety or wait for it to pass but this time I don't and can't. Thank you

[paula78]

Aww Hi and welcome to NMP, you'll find great comfort and help from this site I know I do, and I alsways feel reassured that there is always someone to talk too 24/7, anxiety is horrible but just tell yourself that's all it is, are you receivng counselling or on any meds etc? Xx

[Sam_dh]

Aw thanks.
Yeah I see a therapist once every two weeks and I am on citalipram.
But I feel...doomed and like this is it for me :(

[MRS STRESS ED]

Hi Sam sometimes it is very hard to control anxiety especially if your feeling unwell stressed or tired ,you need to make sure your getting enough sleep and keep your body hydrated plenty of water ,maybe you need to go back to your go and tell him how your feeling it could be your tablets are not working for you ,you have come to the right place we understand your problems most of us have been there xx

[Ryan92]

Hi Sam, you sound almost exactly like me. I have GAD too and OCD, Im 21. I was diagnosed with GAD a few years ago but I've been suffering with anxiety issues for around 9-10 years. Medication is helping me but Im on a waiting list for counselling/therapy sessions :doh:. The next time you feel anxious try and do something you enjoy like a hobby etc will help try and take your mind of your anxiety or at least help :D. Like paula and mrs stress ed have said you've found the right place :D we're all here to support one another. Good luck with your therapy sessions :) Ive had therapy (CBT) before but I only had 1 session every 1-1 and a half months due to my therapist been ill :doh:

I'm not afraid of storms for I'm learning how to sail my ship.
... Louisa May Alcott (1868)

I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear. Steve Maraboli