Scary thoughts

[shieldmaiden]

I don't know if this is gonna make sense or anything but anyways..I believe myself to have harm ocd but lately I fear that I feel nothing for people. That I'm empty, cold, selfish. If I hear about something tragic, it's like I don't care. Alot of the times, I feel like I'm forcing myself to care. and whhen I ruminate, about bad stuff to make sure i'm repulsed by it, sometimes I worry that I like it. I don't want to. and the other night something weird happened, i was riding in the car just looking out the passenger window and i saw out of the corner of my eye a car slowing down in front of us and my boyfriend wasnt slowing down, there were 2 others in the car, one, whom, had just said something mean to me earlier and it's like my brain consciously made the decison not to say anything about the car slowing down. and this scares me, am I becoming my thoughts? i never wanted to be a monster. i dont know if im reading too much into my thoughts as a whole, the memory itself has been faded alot, i find myself ruminating it over and over. but im getting thoughts like that more and more now, if i get angry with someone its like my brain will for a second not care about their well being and this honestly scares the living hell out of me.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Feeling detached from reality or empty is common with anxiety & depression. Some days you don't really care if the world ends. It's just where it pushes you sometimes.

Thoughts don't equate to actions.

Think of it this way. If you wanted to hurt that person, you could have grabbed the wheel and crashed the car at any time. But you didn't.

I can understand how you feel. You don't really care about yourself right now so perhaps that was part of it by thinking "I can't be bothered". It's very common with depression to get llike this but you can change it.

Do you really feel you don't care? Or is it that you are overthinking the situation. For instance, when I'm low, I really don't care about bad things that I watch on the news. Right then at that moment, nothing really matters. But that doesn't mean I'm selfish and people without these issues watch the news and just switch themselves off from it without feeling guilty.

Have you sought any help from your doctor or via therapy? CBT & Mindfulness are useful tools to help you address your thoughts so they are worth a try.

Honestly, I've had some very graphically violent thoughts over the past few years but I haven't done any of them. It's just that anxiety takes something and bends it all out of proportion, often past the boundaries of your morality.

That doesn't mean that is what you are.

[Hopefullness]

OCD is really an expert in attacking us there we're most vulnerable - and that's often to get us to question our own values and personality. When you get the thought that you're empty, cold, selfish, you get it because you are the diametric opposite and the OCD knows that this is the most disturbing intrusive thoughts if can find.

I know how difficult it is to live with obessions, and I know that you definitely not is a monster.