Not coping

[kchan]

Lately a bad situation has developed and I don't feel like I can cope with it. Without going into great detail my partner has very recently been placed in a position of care and whilst I do support that I feel unable to process it myself. I keep thinking about how much we were going to do and how our relationship has hit a wall now with this, sometimes I think about walking away, which makes me feel horrible and incredibly selfish because they're the one going through this, not me. I do care for my partner, I just can't see a future because of this. I keep having panic attacks, regularly getting to the point where I'm physically shaking, and tight painful chest feelings. I'm currently on propranolol which is barely helping. I don't know what to do here, I'm trying to just take it day by day but I'm worried for my own health, which just adds fuel to the fire! I'm a wreck and I have no idea what to do or what I even want.

[trish1955]

Aww bless you I wish I could tell you wat to do hopefully there will be son one who reads yr PST and can help take care xx

[kchan]

Thanks Trish. The situation somehow just keeps getting a tiny bit better then a whole lot worse, I'm really not able to handle it but I can't tell anyone that, it's hell.

[madge]

It sounds like you have a lot going on so it's not surprising that stress is causing panic attacks. I toohave panic attacks so you have my sympathy. I don't know what is right for you but have you considered counselling to help you make sense of it all? I hope . you feel better soon x

[kchan]

I figure by the time any counselling would become available it would be too late so I haven't bothered asking for it.

[Phuzella]

Be a little bit selfish and make time for yourself, you'll be no good to him if you yourself are not in a good place. If there's anything you like to do, hobbies etc, do them.
Maybe see your doctor, explain what's going on. Try not to worry about the future, you can sort that later. :)

[madge]

I'm not trying to tell you what to do but maybe you could put your name down anyway and if it ends up being too late you could cancel it. Nothing to lose. It's so hard to make decisions when under stress.

[kchan]

I did once try and was told of the lengthy wait in my area, instead I was referred to this CBT course done on computer which I honestly didn't find that helpful, it had some good points but I feel much better actually talking with someone which is why I like it here, someone will at least listen.

[MrAndy]

I figure by the time any counselling would become available it would be too late so I haven't bothered asking for it.
I got counselling within a week at rethink.org do a search and see what's available in your area

[kchan]

I'm not in England, looks like rethink only supports that region :(

[MyNameIsTerry]

If you had mutual plans then maybe your partner has been feeling some this too? It's only natural to be frustrated when life does things like this so anyone could feel a bit selfish followed by guilty for feeling like that. Don't feel bad about it, it's just that your anxiety issues are pushing to a level higher than you would have normally have felt it.

Wouldn't it make sence to talk to your partner about this and perhaps come up with something realistic that still gives you a life together but compromises with the caring situation? I think you may have to approach it carefully as it could be a bit raw for them too...they may even even feel guilt fore letting you down?

Try some relaxation exercises like progressive muscle relaxation, calming technique, etc. I never thought they would help me at first, but they do if you keep at it.

Mindfulness meditation is very helpful to calm your mind but it's takes a while to feel the benefit so you have to keep at it. Combine it with the others until you get into it. Some people take to it easier than others and it may also depend on just how anxious you are at the moment.

Which region are you in? There are other services. I had a referral from my GP to Healthy Minds within 30 days for guided self help, then onto CBT.

[kchan]

I think i might try to schedule time each day to learn some techniques, sort of like something to look forward to each day? Not sure if it'll last, i have a bad habit of planning to do these things then not actually doing them, but maybe if i try i'll manage. I did look into counseling and the wait isn't great, i'd rather not go on a list because i feel like i could (or should maybe) be able to handle this without it and i don't want to take it away from someone who really needs it. I'm one of those 'run every option into the ground' types i guess :tongue:

Approaching the situation is sort of off the cards right now, almost elephant in the room-ish but we both know neither of us is ready to go there right now, the days are bad enough. I would like to talk but i know he'll see it as me being selfish right now, and i'd kind of agree with him. I did go out tonight to try and have a little fun and bumped into someone i used to know but haven't talked to in many years, something that didn't quite develop into a relationship but came close, and it upset me and made me yearn for that again, or maybe just reminded me of a better time, i'm still not totally sure. I know it's a fairly typical response for anyone when they see someone they used to know but with this situation looming it sort of added to it, not quite what i was looking for from a night out! It also sort of reminded me how i don't really have any friends anymore, which didn't help either. Been a weird night, heads kind of frazzled now and just wanted to get that out :wacko:

[MyNameIsTerry]

You've got some positives in there though. You know you need to try and find things to improve your mood and decrease your anxiety. Go with it, try and distract yourself for now until you & your partner are ready to talk.

It's probably not a good idea to dwell on the what could have been's, I think they tend to be a bit rose tinted because eventually we all have problems.

You still have those choices, should you stay or should you go, but you need time to explore what to do.

Don't feel guilty about asking for help. Thats a negative thought process that only ends up making you feel worse. Sometimes we all need help, ignore social stigma and do whats right for you.

[kchan]

Part of the problem also is the place where I could get counselling, which I believe is the only one available to me, is somewhere I'm trying to get a job with and I don't really want to walk in to an interview with people who have been involved in counselling me! I have some moments of clarity, or at least positivity, on the whole situation. They last all of 5 minutes but they're there. I've been trying to distract myself more with reading, I should look into meditation too, learning how to calm my head would be an invaluable skill! Thank you for these replies, they help greatly :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

That does seem tricky.

Anything you discuss in counseling is strictly confidential unless you show signs you could harm yourself or others in which case they act to protect you in contacting an outdide party e.g. your GP. If they use that with a job interview, they would be breaching this leaving themselves open to legal action.


The trouble is, its like turning somedown for a job who is too old, you just use another excuse. Its then hard to prove discrimination.


Could you try something remote? There is online counselling in some disciplines e.g. Mindfulness or perhaps the CBT course on here?


Definately go for the Mindfulness meditation. Exercise as well.