View Full Version : Why do I put myself through this? Hugs needed
It is my parents 60th Wedding Anniversary this week and since I have been feeling a lot better I offered to have all the family at my house tomorrow afternoon (approx 30 people!) and I will provide the food.
This week I have felt my anxiety getting higher the closer it gets to tomorrow! I got up this morning to bake some cakes. I have made a carrot cake which has hardly risen and looks a bit of a disaster! I made a marmalade cake which looks fine so hope it will taste fine and some maids of honour which look really good. I was going to bake cup cakes but decided to order some from Sainsbury's bakery to save me more stress.
I need to finish cleaning the house and tomorrow I will bake the savoury stuff and make the fruit flans. Reading through this sounds like I am quite organised but really I feel like I want to either scream or cry!
This is something that I guess even non anxious people would stress about so goodness knows why I volunteer to do these things!!
I really want it to be Sunday and everything over with. :( I should be looking forward to a big family get together not dreading it! The thing is by Sunday I will probably be saying I enjoyed it...crazy isn't it?
:hugs: You'll manage, its always the build up thats the worst part like you said, then when it's done you wonder what the big panic was about!
Thank you Kchan for your reply. I have to admit I have had a little cry this afternoon. I have done this before though and everything was fine so why is it so hard to convince myself of this? I spoke to a friend earlier and it hit me that I am so afraid of criticism that I worry about getting things right. I have endured a lot of criticism and bullying in the past so I worry about being in a situation that may make me the target for more. In reality though I am just sure that everyone will just be grateful to me for organising it all. I am trying hard to reassure myself :)
Annie, is there anyone else that can help and perhaps do the cleaning....... that might ease the pressure:)
My husband will be home tonight and I am going to send him shopping for the things I forgot :) My sons and their wives/girlfriends are travelling here tomorrow which is something else I am worrying about...them having the long drive here. :(
One of my neighbours has called in and seen how stressed I am so she said she will bake some savoury stuff for me.
I only have the bathroom left to clean. I am just worrying about getting everything done when in reality I know I have the time to do it. I think my failed carrot cake was the trigger for my anxiety and emotional outburst this morning. No one will know if I buy one instead will they :D
:) Personally I would have bought the lot!!! Get to Sainsbury and pretend:D
I am wishing I had now :) I am good at making things more difficult for myself :)
There is nothing else really that I can do until tomorrow now. I have ordered some sandwiches from M&S so I don't have to worry about them :) Will send hubby to collect them.
It all sounds lovely... can I come?:D
Oo free sandwiches :D
:hugs:
I guess I wouldn't notice 2 more Sarah and Mr Andy :)
---------- Post added at 16:13 ---------- Previous post was at 15:58 ----------
Now hubby has just phoned to say he has to work later tonight :( I guess I had better get out and do the shopping myself!
Annie, I would have bought the lot too, then again I am no cook, and I get myself in a state when I know I am having visitors .
Anyway Annie I wish you all the best with this one:hugs::hugs:xx
TooMuchToLiveFor
21-03-14, 16:35
Oh, Annie, I do stuff like this to myself all the time! The thing is- I LOVE being the hostess and entertaining! I love cooking and opening my home for fun get-togethers……, BUT I often end up making myself (and my husband!) miserable for the 48 hours prior to the event. I always look back after- happy and ready to do it again…..but the secret is finding that joy through the process and not just trying to "get through it", isn't it?
At this point if I were you, I would install my "crunch time contingency plan"- LOL!
I would look at my list and categorize things into four areas:
1.) What are things that can be eliminated completely?
2.) What are the things that I can simplify?
3.) What are the things I can delegate?
4.) What are the things I have to do- and have to do myself….and then in what priority should I do them?
I'm sure it will be a lovely time, and what a beautiful thing to be celebrating!
Thank you Magic :) Tmtlf..Thank you for the advise, I am going to start by delegating my hubby to make me some dinner tonight as he is now home. :) I have survived the shopping trip even though a car almost reversed into me as I was going into the car park and my eggs wouldn't scan at the self checkout. I treated myself to some jeans as I have lost weight and I am tired of having to pull the others up.
Oh earlier today I came upstairs to sit on the bed and watch tv (don't want to mess my tidy living room up!) Suddenly a face appeared at the window! A big grin from my window cleaner, I hadn't even heard the ladders :scared15:
hugs Annie :hugs: remember to "float" through it, smile and imagine yourself floating around. Helps me when I'm stressed!
almamatters
21-03-14, 18:41
Sure you will be fine Annie, hope it goes well :hugs: xx
Thank you Pancho :) I was just telling my hubby what I have to make tomorrow and I said I was doing some stuffed eggs. He dared to ask me to leave the mayonnaise out of one for him!!! I have 30 people and he expects me to cook to individual tastes! I screamed at him a bit then we both burst out laughing at the silliness of it :D My 2 year old great nephew phoned earlier and asked if I had any jelly. I didn't but I melted to his charms and have made some little pots of jellly for the little ones :) (I won't melt to hubby's charms though :) )
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Thanks Alma :)
Yummm Carrot cake:D
:) Unfortunately mine is not yum this time. the last one I made was perfect but when I have made it this time, I don't know what went wrong. It is edible but not to be served at a party :) At least I can laugh about it now instead of crying :)
Can't you just cover it with tons of that lovely icing? Send it to me I'll eat it:D
I have covered it with cheese frosting, the problem is it just didn't rise enough, it is 3 layers but they are just not moist enough and a bit flat :( I have made other cakes though so I guess it is no great disaster. If you lived near enough you would be welcome to it :)
Good luck tomorrow Annie... try to enjoy it..... and save the carrot for me!!!:)
I think you'll find it had my name on it:roflmao:
I am so pleased I have NMP friends to cheer me up :) I am relaxing this evening :)
TooMuchToLiveFor
21-03-14, 20:23
Annie-
Do you guys make "cake balls" over there? They are SOOOO yummy, and it might be a solution to your carrot cake if you think you don't have enough otherwise……you probably don't have the time to do this this go around, but it's an idea if you ever have another cake that needs a plan b.
The way you do it is to take the cake and crumble it very fine. Then you add frosting and mix it all together so that it is a gooey, yummy mixture. Freeze until very cold and then roll into balls. Then you dip into white chocolate and let set. They are to die for! I did them for Easter a few years ago. Of course, you can use any flavor combination. :)
Anyway, you have enough on your plate this go around, but just thought I'd share the idea since it popped in my head. :)
That sounds a good idea for some other time :)
Hmmm...I have lost my writing icing for the anniversary cake...I know I bought some but can't find it. I may have left it at the checkout. Oh well will have to send hubby out for more in the morning I guess.
Thank you Kchan for your reply. I have to admit I have had a little cry this afternoon. I have done this before though and everything was fine so why is it so hard to convince myself of this? I spoke to a friend earlier and it hit me that I am so afraid of criticism that I worry about getting things right. I have endured a lot of criticism and bullying in the past so I worry about being in a situation that may make me the target for more. In reality though I am just sure that everyone will just be grateful to me for organising it all. I am trying hard to reassure myself :)
Like someone said 2 me yesterday...... Believe in yourself :-)
---------- Post added at 20:31 ---------- Previous post was at 20:28 ----------
It all sounds lovely... can I come?:D
Me too please coz if the rest if your family r anything like you, Annie, they'd all be lovely & we'd have a great time :-)
True Tessar and I really should :)
Hubby found the icing in my cake decorating cupboard where I have looked twice :doh: I blame the HRT!
---------- Post added at 20:36 ---------- Previous post was at 20:31 ----------
I asked one of my sons if he could make a topper for the anniversary cake. He has made a model of the church my parents were married in out of marzipan. He just sent me a picture of it, it is really good. Much better than the cardboard 60 sign I had thought about!!
Go for it Annie...... U will do yourself proud... I know will .....
:)
---------- Post added at 23:00 ---------- Previous post was at 21:01 ----------
Oh No! I had been hearing strange noises and thought it was a helicopter, went to look where it was coming from and it looks like we have some sort of problem with the heating system!! That's all I need!
Have a good day.:hugs::hugs::hugs:
MRS STRESS ED
21-03-14, 23:37
Hi Annie I Cook for a living and get stressed out, so I Know were your coming from ,all you can do is your best which I.sure you will and if its anything like your lavender cake it will be scrummy , good luck xx
Thank you Shaka & Mrs S :)
Panic over re the heating...air in the pipes :) (I often have the same problem myself!)
Feeling unusually calmer this morning...best get started on the savouries then :)
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The calmness didn't last long...need to get my rescue remedy out and if that doesn't work I may need a diazepam :(
Oh Annie, Not funny, but you know what. I have had to smile . No -laughing now. sorry.
I don't know why but your thread has cheered me up no end.
I cannot wait for you to tell us how your day has gone:) xx
Oh Annie, Not funny, but you know what. I have had to smile . No -laughing now. sorry.
I don't know why but your thread has cheered me up no end.
I cannot wait for you to tell us how your day has gone:) xx
Sod's law that's what it was!!! At least it wasn't a huge problem though.
I'm also dying to hear a report on how it went ... hopefully :yesyes::yesyes::yesyes:
Hope it's all gone well for you:D
TooMuchToLiveFor
22-03-14, 21:29
Bet you are tired, but have had a precious day!
Thank you everyone...I survived!!!!
It all went very well and everyone enjoyed the food :) Lots of cake left if you want to come and get some :)
I have to admit...I am EXHAUSTED!!!!
TooMuchToLiveFor
22-03-14, 23:01
YAY! Bravo!!!
yipeeeeeeee :hugs::yesyes::yahoo::hugs::yesyes::yahoo::hugs::y esyes::yahoo::hugs::yesyes::yahoo:
I am on my way for cake...........
Well done Annie, you're able for a lot more than you think! :)
Oh dear it could only happen to me! :( Dashing around this morning clearing up, rushed into the conservatory but forgot to open the door first :( Very sore head and feeling a bit sick and dizzy. Sitting on my bed now with an ice pack on my forehead.
---------- Post added at 13:30 ---------- Previous post was at 13:29 ----------
I have to admit that I cried like a baby too :(
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Glad all went well for you Annie. Sorry about the bump.
take you time and get some rest xx
Plus side is I have had my roast dinner cooked and served to me in bed :)
It was probably a release of all that tension from the last few days annie. nowt wrong with crying like a baby. probably the best thing for you. holding it all in doesn't help. sometimes you just need to LET IT OUT!
also, considering where you have been with anxiety over the last few years, this was such an amazing effort. I am proud of you, really proud because not only did you cope with a house full of people ..... but you fed the 5000 too. I really am impressed and do feel that your example is something people can take on board. it just shows you how an anxious person and retrain their mind and achieve so much.
you are a star and an inspiration to go with it!!
Aww thank you Tessar for your kind words. I have to say that I am suffering a bit tonight though but probably because I am just so tired.
Well.... U may be suffering, but I'd say that clearly it's because you are indeed tired. The way I'd put it is this......
Previously you would have felt tired at times like this because your anxiety about "what might happen" would have worn you down & got the better of you. Most often you wouldn't have been able to fulfil whatever the commitment was because your anxiety would have prevented you from attending or would have meant leaving early.
Now, however, you have gone right through the process and been brave in facing your fears. Loads of people in your home.... Having to organise so much stuff...... But you did it.
Despite anxiety in the lead up to occasions like this that might have freaked you out before, you are now doing whatever it is, coping with any enduring anxiety..... And coming out the other side triumphant.
All that to contend with? No wonder u r tired!
Yes I guess I have a right to be exhausted. Hubby just said "well what do you expect..you work non stop for days, bash your head off a double glazed door and wonder why you feel ill!!!!" :D
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