see, I was right!

[Lisa.w1979]

After countless tests at the doctors and 5 years of being convinced I have some terrible affliction, I have discovered I'm right! I have health anxiety....a scary, crippling disorder. It may actually be worse than a heart attack in that once you have a heart attack, you're treated, looked after for years by an array of medical professionals. Its pretty cut and dry. But HA has no one size fits all remedy. Most of the time I get fobbed off by doctors, live in constant fear of an attack or torture myself with thoughts of imminent death. If I call an ambulance, I don't get treatment. I get left home alone with this demonic voice in my head telling me I'm dying. I don't ever want to take my own life. In fact I'm the opposite. I want to live so so badly....but not like this. This isn't living. Its barely coping. But there are days when I wish it was a heart attack because that would be the end of it. I'd get treatment and it would stop and I could go back to living again.

I know there is hope, and light at the end of the tunnel. But I'm at the start of the uphill climb and being frank....i'm scared. Scared of failure and living my life in the shadow of HA. Scared of attacks. And scared to let myself believe I CAN beat this thing and get my life back.

Anyway. I just wanted to vent....so rant over!

[Catherine S]

Great post Lisa, and now you are on the right track to being free of anxiety. Your positivity...with a few blips thrown in... will get you there in the end, believe it :D

ISB

[Lisa.w1979]

I want to so badly! I had a couple of years when it dissipated somewhat. But then around 18months ago, it returned with a vengeance. I've tried group setting cbt and didn't like it, self help and meds and nothing seems to work. I just feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. I'm going to give one to one cbt a try and some herbal supplements, like rescue remedy. My friend Sarah swears by it. And some forever living products which have had good results for friends. I might lose sight but I never lose hope.

[mummyanxious]

What natural supplements have been recommended? I'm willing to try anything (other than meds again)!!!

[realworrier]

I and I guess so many could of written this post! im back here again after a few years away after 'falling off the wagon' which I guess has been bought on by stresses of my life. I keep thinking how many more cancer's illness that will result in my death can I diagnose myself with! I had help and got better. I can work myself out of this hole again, it takes time. Yes I do have an illness its called health anxiety!

[Catherine S]

My breakthrough was accepting that anxiety cannot be eliminated completely. We've suffered so much for so long that we strive to bannish all traces of it but that can't happen because our system is programmed to be anxious sometimes, its part of life. As Dr.Claire Weekes aleays said...the minute you accept it and let it flow through without making it worse, that's when you start to recover.

The difference between us and 'normal' people is that they will feel the fear and shrug and do it anyway, while we anxies will feel the fear and then think of 1,000 reasons not to do it, because we don't like the pounding heart and skips beats and the trembling etc. Its not that they don't feel that too, they just accept those feelings are happening for a reason and they will subside eventually.

[Lisa.w1979]

Bachs rescue remedy like I mentioned is apparently really good. You can get it online or in chemists. But its not cheap! My friend who does Forever Living products has said royal jelly is good in capsules and also beeswax. I too am done with meds. I stopped taking fluoxetine yesterday after only ten days as the side effects were horrific. But the gp said it'd take a few days for it to leave my system so still getting the stupid side effects. She gave me amitriptyline to calm me down for a couple of weeks but I'm too scared to take them lol. I'm so pathetic.

I'm sorry you feel off the wagon realworrier. Relapse is horrible and I know we can both get back to normal again!

[nomorepanic]

But there are days when I wish it was a heart attack because that would be the end of it. I'd get treatment and it would stop and I could go back to living again.


I can't say I agree with this part to be honest but I kind of know what you are saying. BUT HA can be treated but you can't repair the damage to a heart.

[Lisa.w1979]

Yes, I didn't word that very well. I couldn't find the analogy I wanted to use. I guess what I was trying to say is the heart attack is the release of the symptoms. Whereas HA is symptom after symptom with no release. I still can't find the right words to verbalize my feelings and thoughts.

[Catherine S]

Mummy anxious, I suggested trying herbal remedies such as Rescue Remedy on your meds thread yesterday and you said they wouldn't be much use to you :huh:

[cpe1978]

After countless tests at the doctors and 5 years of being convinced I have some terrible affliction, I have discovered I'm right! I have health anxiety....a scary, crippling disorder. It may actually be worse than a heart attack in that once you have a heart attack, you're treated, looked after for years by an array of medical professionals. Its pretty cut and dry. But HA has no one size fits all remedy. Most of the time I get fobbed off by doctors, live in constant fear of an attack or torture myself with thoughts of imminent death. If I call an ambulance, I don't get treatment. I get left home alone with this demonic voice in my head telling me I'm dying. I don't ever want to take my own life. In fact I'm the opposite. I want to live so so badly....but not like this. This isn't living. Its barely coping. But there are days when I wish it was a heart attack because that would be the end of it. I'd get treatment and it would stop and I could go back to living again.

I know there is hope, and light at the end of the tunnel. But I'm at the start of the uphill climb and being frank....i'm scared. Scared of failure and living my life in the shadow of HA. Scared of attacks. And scared to let myself believe I CAN beat this thing and get my life back.

Anyway. I just wanted to vent....so rant over!

You only need to fear failure if you define success in absolute terms. What I mean by that is often we apply all or nothing thinking it whether or not we are recovered from anxiety. If you measure success in terms of trajectory and positive steps and allow yourself blips and setbacks, but then remember what you did to get where you got, then really there is absolutely no reason you should fail.

[Lisa.w1979]

thank you cpe. I've decided im going to make small step plans so i achieve a lot more. Step one is to not fight my next panic attack. Im actually not fearing it atm as i want to try some of the techniques ive read about on here. Step 2 is to try one to one cbt. and im already working on it. I emailed the IAPT services in my area today.

[Lucym681]

I see my doctor for various things and come out feeling worse, like I'm being fobbed off. I am at the point now that I have had enough of feeling like this and "surviving rather than living" and I also have contacted my local IAPT service, hoping for some CBT to help with my health anxiety.

[Lisa.w1979]

i just replied to you on another thread lol. i have found a doctor at my surgery that i trust, after seeing 4 or 5 different ones. she's brilliant.

i think the decision fight anxiety is a massive step. i'm done being anxiety's b***h!

[Tanner40]

Lisa, great post and you are so right when you state making small steps will allow you to have many small successes. CPE said it very well as to not looking at recovery in terms of absolutes. Take those small progressions and savor them. Ignore the blips or small setbacks. The less attention that you pay to thm, the fewer setbacks there will be. Great attitude.

[cpe1978]

I see my doctor for various things and come out feeling worse, like I'm being fobbed off. I am at the point now that I have had enough of feeling like this and "surviving rather than living" and I also have contacted my local IAPT service, hoping for some CBT to help with my health anxiety.

Would definitely recommend finding a new GP. Unfortunately we still have a bit of an old school NHS and some GPs just don't get the importance of treating the person rather than the disease. We need to move on from a paternalistic medication orientated NHS to one that is about partnership between clinicians and patients. Some docs do get this though so make sure you persevere until you find one who will help.

IAPT is great though and mental health services I understand are one of the few services you can self refer to.