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View Full Version : Contacted an ex...eurgh...


harasgenster
21-03-14, 18:49
Sometimes it's like I just miss being stressed and have to do something to stress myself out :)

I contacted an ex last week - the only person I was ever truly in love with I suppose - because I convinced myself that if I kept coming back him in my mind after 6 years (that's how long ago we split up) then it's ridiculous not to contact him.

To be honest, I think the message was a bit confused because I was a bit confused about why I was thinking about him. It did say that I missed him, but that I wasn't in love with him anymore and I didn't know if I'd want anything like that, I just wanted to hear from him again. All of which is true.

After a few days I realised that what I missed was just his company (he's different from my friends - more fun) and that I didn't think the fact I haven't felt the same way about anyone else was a 'sign' of anything - well, anything except a sign that I haven't met the right person yet.

But after such a heartfelt message he didn't even reply and now I'm really quite angry with him! It's so arrogant! It's like he's saying he's so much better than me that I'm not even worth a one or two word response! I guess I assumed he'd get back with even just 'I don't want to be in contact', because if it ever happened to me the other way round I would feel terrible about leaving them hanging.

But I suppose my question is would other people find his behaviour arrogant? And is what I did weird? I suppose I'm still hung up on the idea of appearing weird to people and I've suddenly got this slight anxiety that other people will find out somehow (recurring fantasy of bumping into him somewhere and him bringing it up in front of other people) and everyone will think I'm weird. (Probably need to get over the fear of people thinking I'm weird really...)
Phuzella
21-03-14, 18:55
It's so easy to read things into why people don't return messages, I do it myself.
I do find it rude if people don't reply though. But I should leave it at that now, try and put it out of your mind and move on. Easier said than done though :D
SarahH
21-03-14, 19:05
Ive done the same in the past..and I am sure others have too....but to be honest I think he is trying to tell you something...... he doesn't want contact.... move on, it will be easier on you in the end.... and NO you are not "weird"... you are normal (whatever normal is):)
harasgenster
21-03-14, 19:06
It's so easy to read things into why people don't return messages, I do it myself.
I do find it rude if people don't reply though. But I should leave it at that now, try and put it out of your mind and move on. Easier said than done though :D

Thanks :) I'm ok with it, just started to get frightened that I was being weird. When I had mental health problems I behaved quite erratically and I'm scared of going back to being 'a nutcase' so I keep finding myself monitoring the relative normalness of my actions!

Definitely no more contact with him, anyway. He's not shown me very much respect.
Phuzella
21-03-14, 19:09
Nah not weird, just human lol. Sometimes I think I'd rather be weird than unthinking like some humans can be.
Annie0904
21-03-14, 19:09
I agree with everything Sarah has said :)
harasgenster
21-03-14, 19:10
Ive done the same in the past..and I am sure others have too....but to be honest I think he is trying to tell you something...... he doesn't want contact.... move on, it will be easier on you in the end.... and NO you are not "weird"... you are normal (whatever normal is):)

I think I have moved on romantically because I quite like someone else and don't think I feel like that about this guy anymore. But as for the other reasons I missed him, I've decided that if I'm really having no fun with my friends anymore (I suppose I've changed from going through therapy etc.) I might consider moving to another city and starting again. I'm giving myself until December to think about, though, before I make a decision. :)

Still think that's a very rude way to say no contact, though. Thanks for the reassurance re: being weird. I do feel a lot calmer now people have said that!
Dying_Swan
21-03-14, 19:12
I don't think what you did is weird. I've done it lots of times, and then end up feeling like you do! It's very difficult to let go when you've had such strong feelings for someone and then have no contact with them. I often find myself thinking about an ex from 8 years ago and wishing we still had some contact. I would also be upset not to receive any response, but perhaps there is a reasonable explanation. Maybe he's away? Maybe he misses you too but doesn't know how to express that? If not, then yes it's arrogant and you are better off not hearing back! :)
Phuzella
21-03-14, 19:15
Good to give yourself time to think over a big decision, I'm selling my house after being here 32 years so it's quite a scary thing to do, but also exciting.
Good luck with whatever you decide:)
harasgenster
21-03-14, 19:16
Good to give yourself time to think over a big decision, I'm selling my house after being here 32 years so it's quite a scary thing to do, but also exciting.
Good luck with whatever you decide:)

Thanks, and good luck with your house move!
Phuzella
21-03-14, 19:17
Thank you:)
Fishmanpa
21-03-14, 20:32
I understand how that might hurt your feelings but after 6 years?... not arrogant at all IMO. There are many reasons he decided not to reply. No sense in letting it niggle at you.

Positive thoughts
harasgenster
21-03-14, 22:28
I understand how that might hurt your feelings but after 6 years?... not arrogant at all IMO. There are many reasons he decided not to reply. No sense in letting it niggle at you.

Positive thoughts

Yeah, fair enough. I suppose from my perspective if anyone sent me a message that I thought might be stressful to write - even if it was the boyfriend I had when I was 13 - I'd definitely reply because I'd feel that I wouldn't want to stress them out!
Fishmanpa
21-03-14, 22:54
Yeah, fair enough. I suppose from my perspective if anyone sent me a message that I thought might be stressful to write - even if it was the boyfriend I had when I was 13 - I'd definitely reply because I'd feel that I wouldn't want to stress them out!

Unfortunately, not everyone has as kind a heart :( I had a GF that broke my heart and trust (as in cheated). A year later I got a message on my phone apologizing in tears. It was obvious she had been drinking. Can you say delete? ~lol~

Positive thoughts
harasgenster
22-03-14, 18:20
Unfortunately, not everyone has as kind a heart :( I had a GF that broke my heart and trust (as in cheated). A year later I got a message on my phone apologizing in tears. It was obvious she had been drinking. Can you say delete? ~lol~

Positive thoughts

Haha! Actually yeah if anything like that had happened then I'd totally understand!

But, I suppose I think I only really want to associate with the kind-hearted so no loss to me :)