View Full Version : Threads Being Deleted
I'm finding something quite confusing at the moment. I was just reading a thread started by Chris (CPE) and then poof, it was gone. This has happened to me several times lately.
Is it a problem with the forum or are folks actually deleting their threads?
All of the posts being deleted seem to revolve around someone not agreeing and then harsh words being said, and then deletion.
Can people not understand that to disagree is normal? There is something to be learned from everyone's opinions. Chris has so much recovery and wonderful advice to offer and for people to make judgements on him is quite unfair, as he is judging no one.
We are all at different stages of recovery. I try to learn something from everyone that posts. Whether it's what to do or what not to do. Maybe we should all take that attitude and allow people their opinions without vitriol.
Hey Tanner I deleted it as contrary to some opinion my desire wasn't to offend people. Unfortunately that was an unintended outcome, so whilst I think some of the points in there were valid that the outcome of people getting upset was worse than the messages that were originally intended.
As for other deleted threads I have no idea.
Right - off not to worry about HA for a while and watch a very poor game of football in the rain.
It's just a shame, Chris. You have helped me so much in the past and people don't seem to be able to listen to a differing opinion. Enjoy your football today. I'm going to enjoy watching basketball.
OOOH now I'm curious Chris! Which thread was that?.....
nomorepanic
22-03-14, 13:19
You should leave the thread up Chris and let people debate - I was about to answer on it as well lol
almamatters
22-03-14, 13:21
I was curious why you deleted this thread, although I had not posted on it, I thought it was a really good debate and something that is relevant to the forum. I don't think you offended anyone?
I also felt is was a very valid point and I back it 100% People will get offended and get their panties in a bunch over the type of bread you eat let alone a point on a forum. That's the nature of the beast.
I also agree that Chris is a positive and valuable member who has offered very sound advice concerning recovery. I too am sad the post was deleted.
Positive thoughts
WHAT THREAD?.......... please tell me....I am SO nosey:D
CPE deleted his own post. I don't get it. No one else can have an opinion? If you believe what you wrote why delete it? This is such a waste of time. I didn't say anything offensive just stating how I felt. Instead of all this drama shouldn't the focus be on people that are posting for help?
For goodness sake - you can't do right for doing wrong.
I will keep this brief as I am standing in the rain in Accrington and plan to attempt to enjoy a game of lower league football.
I deleted the post for two very specific reasons:
1) a poster told me they were finding the debate unhelpful and offensive. When that happens the point of the post is lost and any debate becomes futile.
2) various posts had become a discussion challenging my integrity and suggesting that I was judging and being critical. I found myself defending a point of view. Posts became personal and in honesty I don't need the hassle.
I stand by the spirit of what I wrote - I just don't care enough about it to spend my time justifying it. I also don't think that any positive sentiment is worth causing others offence whether I believe the offence is justified or not.
I am here to try and help people. Six months ago I barely wanted to leave the house. I remember telling my therapist that my definition of success was when I stopped spending 90% of every day thinking about my health and replaced it with 10%. Not perfect but something I could live with. I am on that path now and whilst I have had setbacks and will continue to, my life has changed dramatically and that has been underpinned by effort and a plan. If anything I have learned helps anyone then great.
If what I say doesn't resonate then ignore it and leave me alone. I don't need to spend my time justifying a view which frankly has helped me move from being a very miserable person and a largely useless dad and husband to where I am today which on balance isn't too bad.
Rant over , but can we just leave this largely futile debate alone now as this is verging on inappropriate and becoming quite personal and targeted.
venusbluejeans
22-03-14, 14:54
debating things is always good, people will always have different opinions about everything and expressing those opinions is always going to be a good thing, whatever the opinion is.
what is the saying?........ "it would be a boring world if we all thought the same"
nomorepanic
22-03-14, 14:56
I know how you feel Chris cos a few of us that have opinions on here get jumped on when others don't agree with those opinions.
I don't see it as drama either !
Have to say Nic, I agree with you and Chris, what starts off as a debate seems to turn into a personal attack.
A difference of opinions is healthy and normal, hitting out at people however is not acceptable.
Just my opinion lol
Elen
I don't understand how I personally attacked anyone. I think this may not be the place for me anymore.
I agree a difference of opinion is very healthy and I love a good debate but only when it's necessary. I'm not sure that posting it on the HA forum is the right place though as I personally feel it's becoming a bit tit for tat and childish.
Yesterday I directed a friend of mine to this website in the hopes they could find some useful information as they're having a hard time of late. Sadly he has got back to me saying that he doesn't like the tone of some of the threads and can't imagine why I find it beneficial. My friend has been put off posting in the fear of putting on something others don't like, and in his words, 'one of the moderators seem to have a bee in her bonnet' (his quote!!!)
Personally I have found much solace from here, especially in replies from Fishmanpa who has given so much useful and valid help.
Also I would like to add that the likes of seeking help by the way of CBT and the like isn't as easy as it sounds, I know in my area there is a massive waiting list.
It takes time to get better from this and some people may take longer than others, one persons fix isn't necessarily another persons, I think we could all do with remembering that!!!!!
nomorepanic
22-03-14, 15:26
I don't understand how I personally attacked anyone. I think this may not be the place for me anymore.
No-one said you did RoseEve
nomorepanic
22-03-14, 15:31
I agree a difference of opinion is very healthy and I love a good debate but only when it's necessary. I'm not sure that posting it on the HA forum is the right place though as I personally feel it's becoming a bit tit for tat and childish.
Yesterday I directed a friend of mine to this website in the hopes they could find some useful information as they're having a hard time of late. Sadly he has got back to me saying that he doesn't like the tone of some of the threads and can't imagine why I find it beneficial. My friend has been put off posting in the fear of putting on something others don't like, and in his words, 'one of the moderators seem to have a bee in her bonnet' (his quote!!!)
Personally I have found much solace from here, especially in replies from Fishmanpa who has given so much useful and valid help.
Also I would like to add that the likes of seeking help by the way of CBT and the like isn't as easy as it sounds, I know in my area there is a massive waiting list.
It takes time to get better from this and some people may take longer than others, one persons fix isn't necessarily another persons, I think we could all do with remembering that!!!!!
Sadly an awful lot of threads seem to get posted on the HA forum and I spend time moving threads and then people get upset/annoyed about that as well so I can't win :shrug:
Your friend can read the articles on the left as they may offer them some support/advice.
The forum isn't for everyone I don't think.
I think I missed something. I'm the only one disagreeing.
---------- Post added at 15:35 ---------- Previous post was at 15:32 ----------
Nicola, for who is this forum for? I'm not being nasty I just don't understand. What is the purpose if this forum? I thought it was a place of solace, comfort, and support.
The point is/was/still is:
Reassurance seeking behavior, while part of the HA/Anxiety cycle, is not healthy nor does it serve a long time solution to the problem. The other point being that along with the reassurance seeking behavior comes a diagnostic tendency on the thread which is not healthy nor advisable either. While knowing you're not alone and someone else suffers the same symptom or niggle offers some immediate peace of mind, it's short lived until the next symptom comes along. Doctors visits, tests costing thousands of dollars and time from the medical profession are passed off and one comes to a forum to ask others who doubt the same thing. "Yep me too... I had all those tests too and the doctors told me I'm fine but I know they missed something"... How is that reassuring? That would scare the bejeebers out of me! So more tests, more doctors visits and the results are the same. (see Skippy's thread about tests).
What's happened in this instance is that some viewed the post and took it personally due to the fact that they themselves engage in this behavior and posted a differing "opinion" that targeted the OP.
If you look back at the post history of a member in recovery, you'll see how they have broken the reassurance cycle. Even when a blip occurs or they question their ability to cope, you can see the techniques and rationality at work and quite frankly it's inspiring.
IMO... for what it's worth
Positive thoughts
May I add that Chris you've helped me unequivocally I hate that a view point can be tarnished. If you don't like it DONT BL**DY READ IT!, just like twitter I suppose. Makes me mad.
nomorepanic
22-03-14, 15:49
Nicola, for who is this forum for? I'm not being nasty I just don't understand. What is the purpose if this forum? I thought it was a place of solace, comfort, and support.
I don't have time to reply in full as off to work again but yes it is a place for support and advice and I truly believe it does provide that.
I don't have time to reply in full as off to work again but yes it is a place for support and advice and I truly believe it does provide that.
It has certainly provided me with these things and enabled me to give the same to others. For that I am very grateful.
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-14, 00:34
I agree a difference of opinion is very healthy and I love a good debate but only when it's necessary. I'm not sure that posting it on the HA forum is the right place though as I personally feel it's becoming a bit tit for tat and childish.
Yesterday I directed a friend of mine to this website in the hopes they could find some useful information as they're having a hard time of late. Sadly he has got back to me saying that he doesn't like the tone of some of the threads and can't imagine why I find it beneficial. My friend has been put off posting in the fear of putting on something others don't like, and in his words, 'one of the moderators seem to have a bee in her bonnet' (his quote!!!)
Personally I have found much solace from here, especially in replies from Fishmanpa who has given so much useful and valid help.
Also I would like to add that the likes of seeking help by the way of CBT and the like isn't as easy as it sounds, I know in my area there is a massive waiting list.
It takes time to get better from this and some people may take longer than others, one persons fix isn't necessarily another persons, I think we could all do with remembering that!!!!!
Spot on!
Thats a real shame about your friend. This is the only board on here that Ive noticed this, could your friend post on any of the others
P.S. Ive found the mods fine. Im just adding as I dont want them thinking I agree with that part, the rest I certainly do - but only on ths HA board and in 2 threads so far, well now 3.
---------- Post added at 01:34 ---------- Previous post was at 01:23 ----------
The point is/was/still is:
What's happened in this instance is that some viewed the post and took it personally due to the fact that they themselves engage in this behavior and posted a differing "opinion" that targeted the OP.
If you look back at the post history of a member in recovery, you'll see how they have broken the reassurance cycle. Even when a blip occurs or they question their ability to cope, you can see the techniques and rationality at work and quite frankly it's inspiring.
IMO... for what it's worth
Positive thoughts
I disagreed with OP in that thread. My reasons were that its up to the mods to enforce forum rules, create or change forum rules and wouldnt it make more sense to come up with ideas anx engage with them since threads die off.
So, now I have "targeted" the OP, who I am sure he quite capable of entering a discussion without certain people rallying to their defence, because I took it personally because I engage in reassurance seeking behaviour. I dont seek reassurance at all, I dont have HA, just aspects of it, so you are very wrong there.
Also, if look at RoseEve's recent thread you will see she has taken proactive steps to stop it and is looking for advice on how to do more of this. I fail to see how that is reassurance seeking behaviour...if it is, so is CBT really.
Cut the drama everybody, and just use the site as intended. Enough with the self righteous stuff.
Robin, comme les Francais disent, 'je suis d'accord'!
I may have had too much red wine. ;)
Catherine S
23-03-14, 00:50
Have to agree with robin there...we can't have the lunatics running the asylum. Please leave the rules and regs to the owner of nmp and not the members, and I'm not trying to be nasty just trying to hand back control to the rightful people.
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-14, 00:53
For goodness sake - you can't do right for doing wrong.
I will keep this brief as I am standing in the rain in Accrington and plan to attempt to enjoy a game of lower league football.
I deleted the post for two very specific reasons:
1) a poster told me they were finding the debate unhelpful and offensive. When that happens the point of the post is lost and any debate becomes futile.
2) various posts had become a discussion challenging my integrity and suggesting that I was judging and being critical. I found myself defending a point of view. Posts became personal and in honesty I don't need the hassle.
I stand by the spirit of what I wrote - I just don't care enough about it to spend my time justifying it. I also don't think that any positive sentiment is worth causing others offence whether I believe the offence is justified or not.
I am here to try and help people. Six months ago I barely wanted to leave the house. I remember telling my therapist that my definition of success was when I stopped spending 90% of every day thinking about my health and replaced it with 10%. Not perfect but something I could live with. I am on that path now and whilst I have had setbacks and will continue to, my life has changed dramatically and that has been underpinned by effort and a plan. If anything I have learned helps anyone then great.
If what I say doesn't resonate then ignore it and leave me alone. I don't need to spend my time justifying a view which frankly has helped me move from being a very miserable person and a largely useless dad and husband to where I am today which on balance isn't too bad.
Rant over , but can we just leave this largely futile debate alone now as this is verging on inappropriate and becoming quite personal and targeted.
The thread was deleted since my post (I saw RoseEve's after) so I have no way to understand what has happened. The same happened with the previous thread where I was told by one member not to judge you because you have done a lot for other people and I am deflecting. I only presented my points in a respectful way to all and I get inappropriate behaviour back for it. That member also viewed me inferior to you on that basis despite having no knowledge of my journey through this.
So, do I assume the same happened again and I cant discuss my point of view? I dont agreed with thread deletion personally, I think its best to lock them. Other forums only allow mods to delete them or lock them for that matter.
When I see this happening I start to think Im not welcome because Ive not proved myself.
Its great that you are getting better and want to offer advice, I hope it continues.
Its hard for me to say this last part, and its not aimed at you CPE, but I dont think its helpful to dismiss the opinions of others if they havent been on here a long time or are in recovery. New members are only new on here, not necessarily new to these issues, so may have experience of recovery that you are all unaware of.
I personally would like a moderator to explain.
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-14, 00:57
Have to agree with robin there...we can't have the lunatics running the asylum. Please leave the rules and regs to the owner of nmp and not the members, and I'm not trying to be nasty just trying to hand back control to the rightful people.
Exactly.
If somethings that working, come up with ways to improve it.
---------- Post added at 01:57 ---------- Previous post was at 01:56 ----------
Cut the drama everybody, and just use the site as intended. Enough with the self righteous stuff.
Exactly, but if you are accused of something, I think you have the right to reply. Nothing self righteous about that.
It may be that I have had a lovely night out with the other half, some good food and some lovely Malbec, but can I suggest that we all decrease the stressiness, because personally I can't be arsed ;) all too much like hard work for me.
Different views, c'est la vie.
Threads deleted - who really cares?
I am off to bed and tomorrow will be another rainy Yorkshire day. I will mostly be decorating my kids' bedrooms and the world will continue to spin.
Have a great night everyone, and a wonderful Sunday tomorrow
Catherine S
23-03-14, 01:34
So...a classic case of firing the bullets then walking away me thinks. Yes, have a great Sunday too CPE. Will wait with baited breath for the next episode.
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-14, 01:39
It would be nice to see something positive per PanchoGoz's thread where this happened and it was turned around.
Anyone got any ideas about how to make improvements to steer it another way?
---------- Post added at 02:39 ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 ----------
So...a classic case of firing the bullets then walking away me thinks. Yes, have a great Sunday too CPE. Will wait with baited breath for the next episode.
Yep, its all very one way with some threads. It would be great to see some ways to get the board to go the way people want it to. Opinions ars great for discussion but if they dont lead to actions, its a bit of a waste.
Catherine S
23-03-14, 01:42
Absolutely Terry :)
Surely if someone decides to delete their own thread its their right to do so?
It can be detrimental to continue sometimes,especially if its upsetting people.
Anxious types tend to take stuff personally and it can often lead to arguing on a forum.
Sometimes its simpler just to walk away and get on with something constructive.
Decorating sounds a much better pastime, than spending your day trying to explain yourself.
Just my opinion.
Catherine S
23-03-14, 01:56
I agree Clarisse...but why then keep on about it...we got the point with the first posting of it, no need to keep firing the gun.
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-14, 02:06
I agree as well Clarisse, other forums tend to lock them unless they could be offensive or defamatory, in which case they delete them.
However, just end them if things arent going the way you intended. I dont know about the 2nd one but the 1st had innappropriate comments from the supporting side as well and I think its unfair that you dont get to see how members respond to you later. Discussion is always the best way forward in my eyes, not dismissal.
Turn it into a positive I reckon.
I agree with, I'm trying to be careful as I dont want to make anyone feel worse. On a non mental health forum though, I wouldnt feel the same.
I do agree with you both .But sometimes people wont do what you,d do.
If it was on a different type of Forum i wouldn,t have posted my first comment.
It can be very hard trying to get you point across on one of these forums for fear of being taken the wrong way.
I do enjoy your posts Terry and you add a lot to this forum.No need to prove yourself to anyone.
IsB you have made me chuckle out loud tonight.you seem to be on my wavelength man.Thanks for that.:roflmao:
Catherine S
23-03-14, 02:33
No problem..peace Clarisse. Hey that rhymes :D
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-14, 04:32
Thanks Clarisse, that means a lot!
I know what you mean, the written word doesn't come across quite the same.
mummyanxious
23-03-14, 08:53
If you 'can't be arsed' with it OP then why did you start the thread in the first place eh? To get everyone arguing against each other that's why. People here were getting on nicely and the whole site has been turned on its head.
Funny your thread was deleted the first time when someone challenged your own opinion. Exactly the thing you're accusing all of us of.
If you 'can't be arsed' with it OP then why did you start the thread in the first place eh? To get everyone arguing against each other that's why. People here were getting on nicely and the whole site has been turned on its head.
Funny your thread was deleted the first time when someone challenged your own opinion. Exactly the thing you're accusing all of us of.
Cpe didn't start this thread, if you look back to the beginning you'll find it was a different poster wondering about all the struggle over differing opinions. Accusing people of starting arguments on purpose is simply bringing this whole debate to a ridiculous level, can we not differ in our opinions and discuss them without being accused of being inflammatory?
If you don't like certain posters or their opinions then avoid their posts here, it's simple as that.
mummyanxious
23-03-14, 09:08
Then I stand corrected but CPE seems to always be there.
And I know you don't like me anyway HL you've made that perfectly clear from your previous comments.
I came here originally like others to seek solice and all that's happened is I have felt victimised. That may not have been people's original intention but that's how it came across and now I feel like I can't even help others.
Then I stand corrected but CPE seems to always be there.
And I know you don't like me anyway HL you've made that perfectly clear from your previous comments.
I came here originally like others to seek solice and all that's happened is I have felt victimised. That may not have been people's original intention but that's how it came across and now I feel like I can't even help others.
Considering the amount of people who have spent time writing to you to try and help you feel better and work through your anxiety, myself included, I'm very sad for you that you that you feel you've only been victimised by these boards.
If you 'can't be arsed' with it OP then why did you start the thread in the first place eh? To get everyone arguing against each other that's why. People here were getting on nicely and the whole site has been turned on its head.
Funny your thread was deleted the first time when someone challenged your own opinion. Exactly the thing you're accusing all of us of.
MummyAnxious - I do wish that I had saved a copy of that thread. It was deleted following a specific request and post from YOU saying that you were finding the discussion offensive and thought it should be deleted. As I could see the discussion had departed from its original intention then I agreed and deleted it.
So let me get this straight? You were castigating me for starting the thread and now you are castigating me for deleting it which was a direct response to your direct request - and you call victimisation?
I find that utterly confusing Mummyanxious.
I tend not to form opinions of people online, as all you are is a username and a set of words without intonation and meaning, but your desire to paint me as an egotistical villain of the piece is really becoming quite tiring.
mummyanxious
23-03-14, 09:52
As I suspected and yet again couldn't be further from the truth
I am sorry but if you want me to have the faintest idea what you are talking about then you will need to explain.
mummyanxious
23-03-14, 10:52
It had departed from its original intention because people were challenging YOUR opinion and clearly you didn't like that as you removed it.
KLP is having a blip. You've all been very nurturing on that post as should happen. Lovely comments to get KLP through it.
I've never had such comments from people. There a&e a few who I pm who have helped me immensely. But the comments that have been far from helpful, ie comments like you and others have made have served to make me more anxious, panicky, stressed and made my blood pressure soar. So well done.
This will be my last comment as you are continually baiting me.
Definantely there are clicks on this site.
It had departed from its original intention because people were challenging YOUR opinion and clearly you didn't like that as you removed it.
KLP is having a blip. You've all been very nurturing on that post as should happen. Lovely comments to get KLP through it.
I've never had such comments from people. There a&e a few who I pm who have helped me immensely. But the comments that have been far from helpful, ie comments like you and others have made have served to make me more anxious, panicky, stressed and made my blood pressure soar. So well done.
This will be my last comment as you are continually baiting me.
Just a couple of threads where you were given plenty of nurturing comments & I passed on lots of advice about your different problems:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=150056
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=146760
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=143095
My last post on one of your threads, where I wished you well but was removing myself from replying to you because of how frustrating it became. It's not a case of disliking you as you seem to think, it's a case of protecting my own time and frustration:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=150240&page=3
People don't have bad intentions towards you here mummy, but you jump on the defensive so quickly when someone offers advice that you don't want to hear. It doesn't mean people dislike you, they've only offered help. Try to focus on the positive you're getting from this forum, there are many who try to help you.
You cannot blame others for causing your blood pressure to soar, I think we've discussed in the past how it is our own reactions that cause us stress. We have to own how we approach the world, be responsible for our own feelings and reactions.
I'm not even sure why I'm replying, I guess I just want you to see that people aren't out to get you but I'm not sure you'll believe me.
Pardon me while I get some popcorn :whistles:
Positive thoughts
Boy, oh boy, how this OP wishes she had never posted this thread. No one is a villain here and no one should be made out to be. I think that the only point that I was trying to make was that it is interesting how posts get deleted and that I wasn't quite sure that I understood. Believe me, I do understand now, as I wish that I could just delete this one. Any new person coming to this board, reading this thread, would just turn around and run.
The back biting should stop and people should stop throwing stones in all directions. Childishness at best. Shouldn't we get on with the business of recovery from anxiety and helping each other.
Honey Love and CPE have helped me immensely along my journey. I may not have always agreed with every point that they made but I had enough respect for them, their recovery and this forum, not to start childish arguments that are pointless.
Honey Love said it very well when she said that our reactions to the things that occur is what causes us anxiety. I can only imagine that some folks anxiety is sky high due to the way that they are responding. It's not all about you, folks. It's about us as a collective group, helping each other.
Tanner surely you must have known this thread would start conflict. Both parties are responsible for this argument. I think it's time to drop it now and as you said focus on the group.
Tanner,
Nicely put... you saved me a lot of time there!
sarah
No Rose Eve, I certainly never dreamed that this thread would start arguments. Naively, I believed that it would lead to a discussion where everyone could agree to disagree and still help each other. I never thought that people would be throwing so many symbolic stones. Had I thought that, I never would have begun the post.
For goodness sake people, stop sniping at each other. I have been an observer of these thread topics for a while now because I could see the direction they were headed.
The initial point that someone was trying to make on the original thread (I think 4 threads ago) was that people need to think before posting a thread. Do not seek medical advice, but do seek support.
The debate whether reassurance is helpful or not will always be that...a debate. This is because (I'm sure I have said this before) everyone is at a different stage of their recovery journey, and reassurance is part of the illness that we all have to overcome.
There is a difference between a debate, and personal attacking and sniping, and this thread has turned into the latter. Everyone should read back at all the posts (including their own) and think....should I speak to people like this? Is this how someone should be spoken to? If you can keep the debate civil then have your argument in PM because conflict make me and I'm sure many other people anxious, stressed, and sad...all of which we could all do without.
I'm pretty sure that every single person who has expressed an opinion on this thread joined this site for support, and to support others, so why don't we get back to doing that. Lets not delete this thread, it should be an example of how we shouldn't be on this forum and we should be reminded of that.
Remember, not every piece of advice will be helpful to you, but it may be helpful to another person, and the person offering advice I'm pretty sure is doing it in view of helping.
Happy Sunday to all x
venusbluejeans
23-03-14, 13:11
Totally agree with you Jac and well put.
Just to point out a few things about the original thread in this 'saga'
1. NO ONE has ever said you shouldn't ask for reasurance on NMP, that is what is for.
2. The point of the original thread was that there is a HUGE difference between
" I have a pain and I am panicking about it, please could you help reassure me and help me stop panicking"
and
"OMG I have a pain, I am dying of cancer"
3. Health Anxiety (along with all the other anxiety disorders) is a crap illness and yes it is illogical and can make you panic and impulsive BUT you can still think about your threads before posting them.
As Jac said, why would you 'attack' someone for having an opinion different to your own? If someone had a different opinion to you in 'real life' would you go and verbally attack them for thinking different to you??
The answer is no (most of the time) you wouldn't. so why do it online? especially on a forum like NMP when people on it are there to support and to get support.
please don't vilify people for having a different opinion.... state your opinion and move on, there is absolutely no point in having a go at people and making them that their opinion is invalid and wrong, it just makes them feel worse and belittled and as we see that is how pointless arguments happen.
Think before you post!!
I guess I don't see how I verbally attacked anyone.
venusbluejeans
23-03-14, 15:01
I am not talking about anyone in particular Rose. just how all threads like this go in general
nomorepanic
23-03-14, 16:59
MummyAnxious - I do wish that I had saved a copy of that thread.
Just to let you know - you can undelete your own thread in the same way you deleted it.
* I think *
Nicola have you time to answer me now?
nomorepanic
23-03-14, 17:37
Ok you asked:
Nicola, for who is this forum for? I'm not being nasty I just don't understand. What is the purpose if this forum? I thought it was a place of solace, comfort, and support.
The forum was initially set up for sufferers of panic attacks and general anxiety. I created it as I wanted to get help with my panic attacks and how to cope with them and tips on how to recover. I met some fellow sufferers and we helped each other usually based on things we had found that helped us - relaxation, reading self-help books etc.
Several years ago (and to date) it seems that a lot of Health Anxiety sufferers joined looking for help with various ailments and worries.
This sadly has escalated into people posting with medical queries and stating they must have cancer because of this and that.
Reassurance doesn't always help in a lot of cases and continually getting reassurance is futile UNLESS that member is doing something additionally to get help with the underlying REAL problem - which is usually some form of anxiety.
I have seen members move from one life-threatening illness to another a few weeks later after they have been reassured they don't have condition x but they then move on to condition y.
What we should be doing is trying to change their thinking rather than continually saying "you are fine" and "yes I had that" as the reassurance is short-lived.
However, when someone posts asking if they have condition z we cannot diagnose them and must suggest they seek medical advice and a proper diagnosis. Just because we had the condition and it was nothing serious, it does not mean that it isn't serious for someone else.
I think that is all I want to add for now as I have explained before on threads like this that I need to make changes to the way the NMP forum is used but I am not clear what to do yet.
Nic,
You put into words much more eloquently than I, what my post on this thread was about.
That being said. There is no issue with reassurance when put into the context as VenusBlueJeans stated (I lol'd when I originally typed VenusBJ ~lol~).
If you're hurting, I'm all in on "You'll be Ok"... Just take the initiative to get to the root of the problem.
:grouphug:
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-14, 23:52
So, if everyone puts the arguments aside and the various comments across the last 3 threads, what solutions can be offered?
Saying continual reassurance is wrong, which was agreed by all from thread one, is a start but that alone wont change the current situation that the board isnt how you want it to be unless you are prepared to keep saying it in every thread.
Just a thought but maybe instead we can ask questions to them like on an irrational thought log. For example someone thinks they have a brain tumor because they have a headache instead of telling them they don't we could ask them, what else could it be? Which is more likely? What would you tell a friend in this situation?
Catherine S
24-03-14, 00:11
Almost RoseEve. It means..I think...that if somebody asks "I have a headache, do I have a brain tumour?" How do you know if they do or not? You may suspect they don't but only their doc can say for sure and its not fair that we are put in the postion of answering that question. However, if that person was to say they FEAR having a brain tumour but have had reassurence from docs that they don't and are asking for help with the symptoms of their fear then tthat's something we can help with. Hope that helps a bit.
mummyanxious
24-03-14, 06:56
Really though RE that just equates the the same reassurance seeking. It just comes in a different guise. I've been challenged on what I'm doing for my anxiety so many times on my threads. I've explained what I'm doing for my anxiety and yet still I get the same replies.
MA to be fair chances are you wouldnt receive the same comments if you kept adding to one thread rather than starting different threads.
It is hard for people to see what is really happening if they need to have read every thread that you have written.
By keeping everything in one thread (per subject obviously) it would make it easier for people to see what had been said previously.
Not a criticism so please don't take it that way, purely an observation.
mummyanxious
24-03-14, 10:00
That's ok Elen, I think I'm going to refrain using this forum very often now anyway.
Well thanks MA that really makes me feel better, not.
You complained about a problem that you had with the forum, I suggested a possible solution and your answer is "I'm going to refrain using this forum"
Rightly or wrongly that makes me feel that my input is not appreciated, perhaps it is me being over sensitive but that is the danger of speaking to people on an anxiety forum.
mummyanxious
24-03-14, 10:30
Oh ffs I can't do right for doing wrong. I think my words were actually thanking you and then saying I was going to use the forum less often.
Just a thought but maybe instead we can ask questions to them like on an irrational thought log. For example someone thinks they have a brain tumor because they have a headache instead of telling them they don't we could ask them, what else could it be? Which is more likely? What would you tell a friend in this situation?
When I did CBT (not for HA but for other beliefs I had that needed challenging) I was shown how to challenge my irrational thoughts. It took me a long time but I got there in the end.
This training I received is something I use every day of my life even a decade down the line.
I strongly urge anyone who has issues they need to challenge to try CBT. It really does help. You could say "it puts a spanner in the works if your fears & irrational thinking".
It does make you think.
It also makes you refocus.
Instead of focusing on your negative, frightening or disproportionate thoughts, you come up with evidence (based on facts and not feelings or tho it's) that challenge them. This takes practice but it works.
Something else I can relate to with people who seek reassurance.
For me I felt I needed approval all the time. I spent much of my life trying to be what other people wanted me to be & hoped that would get me the approval, reassurance & attention I so badly craved.
Well..... My therapist helped me see that the less I sought approval the more of it I got. It kind of sounds daft but it is true. It took quite some time for me to accept this, it also meant quite a roller coaster ride.
I no longer expend masses of energy chasing something that in the end isn't good for me. I don't waste time on it, I focus instead as much as I can on the positive side of life. When I do get approval, attention & so on I appreciate it so much more now. It really has been worth the battle.
Of course I do have bad days when I really need attention. On those days there's nothing wrong with seeking it either. Just the same as a person who has HA might need someone to say "don't worry it will be ok" ..... But I suppose you sort if save that for when you really need it.
It really is worth seeking help for your issues. Even though it might seem impossible, It is entirely possible to break the habit if seeking reassurance. It's hard not to seek reassurance but it can be done.
Also, I have to say from my own experience, the less i focus internally both mentally and physically.... The better I feel.
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