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mirry
29-11-06, 11:37
I have a good book called "PANIC ATTACKS" by Christine Ingham.

In it she writes about seperation anxiety, and its really hit a cord with me.

Childhood fears:
children are vunerable and sensitive beings, Unfortunately , parents can tend to forget that, and unwittingly do harm by speaking and acting carelessly towards them.Psychodynamic theories suggest that if frightening situations make a great enough impact on children,unpleasant feelings and thoughts can be triggered later in adult life when they find themself in a situation which reminds them of the original ,fearful scene. It neednt be something which has happened in real life; it could be part of fantasy.Dissaproval ,physical threats ,and overwhelming stimulation could all be percieved by children as potentially dangerous situations.
Another incredibly frightening situation for a child to be in is where s/he fears seperation form their mother figure.Initially this seperation anxiety can show itself as school phobia.In later years the anxious feelings can be rekindled when the person finds themself in a situation which reminds them ,perhaps subconsciously, of that same threat.
Panic attacks sometimes begin to occur after an actual or threatened loss of an important person or support system.Perhaps it echoes those early unresolved fears, but although these links have been suggested , it is unclear weather panic attacksare always linked to early seperation anxiety or not.With or without the links with childhood seperation anxiety,losing important relationships or other kinds of suppot does appear to predispose some people to panic attacks.
so it seems that incidents in childhood , the way we were brought up and taught to think about ourselves could all have a bearing on wether someone eventually in later life develops panic attacks.
Subconscious worries and fears can establish, from very early on, a level of anxiety much higher than that of happy-go-lucky people.
And perhaps because of these feelings have always been there , this sort of person is quite unaware of them.

mirryx

monty
29-11-06, 12:56
Sounds like me... although I am now 17 I often revert to child-like fear and a need for contact or reassurance from my mum. I wouldn't be surprised if my PAs and agoraphobia were the result of early 'seperation anxiety' re-surfacing.

Because my mum's a teacher I was always at the same school as her (even in her class in year 3) and my PAs started 2 years into high school- the first time I was 'far away' from her... food for thought I suppose. However, I really don't believe that my mum did anything wrong- she tends to blame herself- but I can't think of anyone who has a better mum than me!:D

Lucy -x-

samc100
29-11-06, 13:15
Aww Monty - that is lovely.

I think it is so hard for parents to know what to do for the best.

The vast majority of parents adore their kids to pieces and would never intend to cause problems for later but there are so many unknown factors that can cause problems. It's an impossibility to 2nd guess how actions affect in later life.

Thanks Lucy for the book list I think I will read the Oliver James one

clickaway
01-12-06, 18:14
This certainly rings true, Mirry.

I was separated from my family for six weeks when I turned five, and I know this affected me a lot. But I did not have social phobia in primary school, that happening from puberty onwards co-inciding with my period with epilepsy which may have been triggered by childhood fears anyway.

An interesting thread.

Cheers

Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

Piglet
01-12-06, 18:29
I too think this is very interesting and I probably also have a lot to 'relearn'.

I won't bore you with my childhood stories as they are even more ridiculous than my current ones but my mum worked full time right from when I was a toddler, so me and my sister were put into nurseries at a very early age.

I on the other hand decided to do the exact opposite with my kids - time will tell if this was the right thing to do. It's so hard really I've been a kid and I am parent and it's not always easy to make the right choices as either [}:)][Sigh...]

I am going to sound really tree hugging now and say I honestly think if you come at any situation and do your best and act lovingly that really is all you can do. Hope that didn't sound too sickly but I really mean it!!

Piglet xx


"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

mirry
02-12-06, 11:42
Piglet , that doesnt sound daft, I know exactly what you mean :D
we have alot in common infact ! When I was 2 years old I was in a nursery full time whilst my parents worked and I was there at overtime too. Whilst there I was treated badly by 2 members of the nursery (which as an adult I reported to the police ).
This seperation anxiety effected me Big time.
I am just like you Piglet, I have stayed home to look after my kids...wouldnt trust anyone else.
As a child I used to have nightmares about being kidnapped and that my mother would just watch and not care.

Seperation anxiety seems to play a big part in panic attacks as adults, in the book it says this is why we can hate to be alone , and I think I know what they mean. When I go to work (once Ive dropped my daughter at school) I walk down the street feeling sad, its like my normal world has gone away...(does that make sence?)
Everyone I love has gone , its an unsettling feeling like somethings wrong and I cant put my finger on it.

It also said in the book , this is why panic attacks usually start when someone has had their support system taken away from them or the threatened loss or actual loss of someone they love or care for.

I started getting panic attacks when we moved to a new town and my nan died (interesting).

mirryx

Piglet
02-12-06, 13:03
My panics started after my divorce and various other family probs. So I guess separation anxiety comes into that too - all of a sudden I was a single mum and having to take responsibility for 3 small piglets all on my own.

I have loved and still love my role as a mum - for me it brought everything about me together and made the most of me. I know in this world of high achievers this may not be for everyone but it was for me. All the qualities that I didn't like in my growing up years I was able to reverse in the way I was with my kids. I feel guilty for saying this but my relationship with my own family hasn't always been an easy one and I absolutely didn't want that to happen with my own kids.

I was a very fair but firm mum while they were little (we won't go into the overprotective bit [:I]) but as they have grown older our relationships have evolved into a much more equal basis. 40% of the time its still mother and child but 60% of the time is now as friends.

I try really hard to respect their views and not to make them feel foolish (something I often felt growing up) - they love that I also go to them for help and advice with things too. I still feel regarded as somewhat of a clumsy child with my own family and yet the funny thing is they all come to me with their problems when they get them.

I still think it goes back to genuinely caring about the other persons feelings and relationships can be so complicated and through fear some parents can be too controlling or manipulative etc etc. My goal was always to be a simple parent with no sides, I can't say I have achieved this 100% of the time but it's always the goal I work for.

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

Dreamer029
02-12-06, 14:30
this sounded right on the money to what my therapist said. i was abused for years as a child by my mother, and now the anxiety has hit at age 20, she thinks i view the university/professors as my mother and they hold something over me, the chance to succeed and get an education. i have anxiety pretty much everyday in class and whenever i have tests coming up BAM it hits so intense i never think its going to end.