carlosviteri
24-03-14, 02:11
Hello, my name is Carlos. I am a 25-year-old male. I currently go to college and work full time in retail. My mother has a history of chronic panic.
In 2009, my father had a heart attack. 2 days later, he had bypass surgery and when the surgery was done, his heart would not start. They put him on a respirator and 2 days later, he was pronounced dead. He was only 47 years old.
When my dad died, he left behind my mother, my 2 sisters and I. After he died,
I don't think I properly mourned him. I was very focused on being the man of the house and caring for my mother and sisters. I just kept on going. At the time, I was back in school full time for the first time since graduating high school. I was also working in retail, full time.
I suppose my failure to cope caught up with me. In May of '12, I started experiencing things I had never experienced before. For example, I would eat and then almost immediately throw up. At first, I thought I was just sick. But, then, as it became something regular, I always felt as if I had a lump in my throat. I was scared to eat. This continued for a couple of months. At the end of July, it all came to a boiling point. I had heard a story from a friend about diabetic shock. After hearing this, I immediately started to fear that I had diabetes and would fall in to diabetic shock, never to wake up again. This led to my first, and probably worst panic attack ever.
It was a Sunday morning. I woke up at 7AM like usual to be at work by 8AM. I didn't feel well. I didn't sleep well and had a headache. I took some acetaminophen to try and alleviate the headache. After this, I got in the shower and threw up the pills. Since I didn't feel well, I did not eat. As I was doing my work, I started to feel tense and anxious. After a couple of hours, it seemed to be getting worse rather than better. It eventually got to the point that I was essentially hyperventilating. I told my boss that I was afraid I was having a heart attack and that I was going to go to the hospital. On my way to the hospital, I felt a huge tightness in my chest. At this moment, I remember my exact thoughts. I was thinking: "this is it. I am having a heart attack. It is over for me. I am dead." When I started feeling this chest tightness, I immediately headed home. Luckily, as I work across the street from my house, I was right there. When I got home, I burst in to the house and yelled to my mother amidst hyperventilated gasps, "Mom! I am having a heart attack! Please take me to the hospital!" My mother was not convinced and she knew all too well what was happening to me as she had experienced it many times before in her life. She asked me to have a seat and to drink some water. She also asked me to take a half of a Xanax. I refused the pill at first because I was entirely convinced that I was indeed having a heart attack. After about 10 minutes of talking me down, my mother convinced me to take the pill. Not more than 1 minute after swallowing that pill, I absolutely broke down. I was sobbing like I had never done before. I was broken. I must've cried for 30 minutes straight. Soon after that, the pill knocked me out.
When I woke up, I still felt extremely on-edge. My persisting fear caused me to schedule an appointment with the doctor. When I explained everything to the doctor, she ordered bloodwork for me and referred me to a counselor. My bloodwork came back relatively normal. The counselor saw me a few times and gave me some stress managing techniques that he believed would help me cope with what he perceived to be a lot of pent up stress and anxiety from the death of my father. It took about a month, but I finally started feeling better.
Since that time, I have occasionally suffered with panic. Within the last 6 weeks, I have again started to have extreme panic and terrifying thoughts of dying. This has caused me to go back to the doctor. My bloodwork came back about a month ago and most of the numbers were actually better than they were in August of '12. But, for whatever reason, I continue to be terrified that I will have a heart attack and drop dead at any moment. This is despite the fact that I am relatively conscious that these scary thoughts can actually prompt my body to feel symptoms that I would associate with a heart attack. I have taken a number of heart attack risk tests online and when I plug in my numbers, I get back a risk level of less than 1%. But, I cannot shake these feelings of terror. I am going back to the doctor for a physical and I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. I found this site tonight and have found some solace in reading some of the articles and posts on here. I am tired of living in constant fear and I hope I can take steps to remedy that. Writing out an abridged version of my story has seemed to help a bit. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.
Kind regards,
Carlos
In 2009, my father had a heart attack. 2 days later, he had bypass surgery and when the surgery was done, his heart would not start. They put him on a respirator and 2 days later, he was pronounced dead. He was only 47 years old.
When my dad died, he left behind my mother, my 2 sisters and I. After he died,
I don't think I properly mourned him. I was very focused on being the man of the house and caring for my mother and sisters. I just kept on going. At the time, I was back in school full time for the first time since graduating high school. I was also working in retail, full time.
I suppose my failure to cope caught up with me. In May of '12, I started experiencing things I had never experienced before. For example, I would eat and then almost immediately throw up. At first, I thought I was just sick. But, then, as it became something regular, I always felt as if I had a lump in my throat. I was scared to eat. This continued for a couple of months. At the end of July, it all came to a boiling point. I had heard a story from a friend about diabetic shock. After hearing this, I immediately started to fear that I had diabetes and would fall in to diabetic shock, never to wake up again. This led to my first, and probably worst panic attack ever.
It was a Sunday morning. I woke up at 7AM like usual to be at work by 8AM. I didn't feel well. I didn't sleep well and had a headache. I took some acetaminophen to try and alleviate the headache. After this, I got in the shower and threw up the pills. Since I didn't feel well, I did not eat. As I was doing my work, I started to feel tense and anxious. After a couple of hours, it seemed to be getting worse rather than better. It eventually got to the point that I was essentially hyperventilating. I told my boss that I was afraid I was having a heart attack and that I was going to go to the hospital. On my way to the hospital, I felt a huge tightness in my chest. At this moment, I remember my exact thoughts. I was thinking: "this is it. I am having a heart attack. It is over for me. I am dead." When I started feeling this chest tightness, I immediately headed home. Luckily, as I work across the street from my house, I was right there. When I got home, I burst in to the house and yelled to my mother amidst hyperventilated gasps, "Mom! I am having a heart attack! Please take me to the hospital!" My mother was not convinced and she knew all too well what was happening to me as she had experienced it many times before in her life. She asked me to have a seat and to drink some water. She also asked me to take a half of a Xanax. I refused the pill at first because I was entirely convinced that I was indeed having a heart attack. After about 10 minutes of talking me down, my mother convinced me to take the pill. Not more than 1 minute after swallowing that pill, I absolutely broke down. I was sobbing like I had never done before. I was broken. I must've cried for 30 minutes straight. Soon after that, the pill knocked me out.
When I woke up, I still felt extremely on-edge. My persisting fear caused me to schedule an appointment with the doctor. When I explained everything to the doctor, she ordered bloodwork for me and referred me to a counselor. My bloodwork came back relatively normal. The counselor saw me a few times and gave me some stress managing techniques that he believed would help me cope with what he perceived to be a lot of pent up stress and anxiety from the death of my father. It took about a month, but I finally started feeling better.
Since that time, I have occasionally suffered with panic. Within the last 6 weeks, I have again started to have extreme panic and terrifying thoughts of dying. This has caused me to go back to the doctor. My bloodwork came back about a month ago and most of the numbers were actually better than they were in August of '12. But, for whatever reason, I continue to be terrified that I will have a heart attack and drop dead at any moment. This is despite the fact that I am relatively conscious that these scary thoughts can actually prompt my body to feel symptoms that I would associate with a heart attack. I have taken a number of heart attack risk tests online and when I plug in my numbers, I get back a risk level of less than 1%. But, I cannot shake these feelings of terror. I am going back to the doctor for a physical and I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. I found this site tonight and have found some solace in reading some of the articles and posts on here. I am tired of living in constant fear and I hope I can take steps to remedy that. Writing out an abridged version of my story has seemed to help a bit. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.
Kind regards,
Carlos