Round in circles
24-03-14, 03:27
I think I probably need a break. Tonight I was looking at the sore on my leg that hasn't fully healed in about a month and all of a sudden a giant wave of fear smacked me across the back of the head. "What if it's skin cancer?"
To say I surprised myself is an understatement. After the intense rush of fear subsided I found myself feeling very confused wondering where on earth that came from. I know everyone's answer would most likely be that it was because of my health anxiety, but here's the thing..
I worry about a lot of things, but it's always in relation to pains and sensations that are happening at the time. I don't really know how better to put that. Other than the heart related worries I had when I was having funny turns on a daily basis, I don't really have the big what ifs that seem to be quite common in HA sufferers. I don't think about cancer or tumours and the like.
And yet here's me feeling a sizeable amount of what can only be described as terror over a skin cancer worry. If my leg was itchy, bleeding or causing me pain, I can understand that. Something that would draw my attention until I freaked out. But it's very slightly itchy tonight, and that's only because I prodded it before putting savlon on it.
After thinking about it I realise that reading other people's worries about these issues is affecting me in ways I was unaware of. I've never been in any kind of group therapy or even among other health anxiety sufferers so I have no experience of the whole group dynamic thing. I know this is a long rambling post fed by my anxiety and I apologise. I'm feeling a bit destabilised and I guess it's shaken me up a bit. Think it's time to batten down the hatches for a bit of a computer gaming holiday.
I'll bring everyone back a stick of rock!
To say I surprised myself is an understatement. After the intense rush of fear subsided I found myself feeling very confused wondering where on earth that came from. I know everyone's answer would most likely be that it was because of my health anxiety, but here's the thing..
I worry about a lot of things, but it's always in relation to pains and sensations that are happening at the time. I don't really know how better to put that. Other than the heart related worries I had when I was having funny turns on a daily basis, I don't really have the big what ifs that seem to be quite common in HA sufferers. I don't think about cancer or tumours and the like.
And yet here's me feeling a sizeable amount of what can only be described as terror over a skin cancer worry. If my leg was itchy, bleeding or causing me pain, I can understand that. Something that would draw my attention until I freaked out. But it's very slightly itchy tonight, and that's only because I prodded it before putting savlon on it.
After thinking about it I realise that reading other people's worries about these issues is affecting me in ways I was unaware of. I've never been in any kind of group therapy or even among other health anxiety sufferers so I have no experience of the whole group dynamic thing. I know this is a long rambling post fed by my anxiety and I apologise. I'm feeling a bit destabilised and I guess it's shaken me up a bit. Think it's time to batten down the hatches for a bit of a computer gaming holiday.
I'll bring everyone back a stick of rock!