Homesickness

[Blackphoenix]

My Anxiety appears to be related to acute homesickness, it has been so severe that I returned home early from my dream job abroad after only 2 weeks and I didn't move out of my parents house until I was 26. When I did finally move out I couldn't actually stay in the place for 3 months.
I moved house again a couple of days ago and have only been there twice. I am currently staying at my mum house with no intention of leaving. What doesn't help is my housemates constant nagging at me to come back. I've told him about my anxiety but he doesn't understand.
Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

[milkcarton]

I get homesick all of the time and my Mum is a plane ride away!

I totally understand how you feel. However with all forms of anxiety comes avoidance. When we avoid the situations that we are scared or unsure of, it builds it up and makes it worse. Sometimes you do have to test yourself and even though it scares the living daylights out of yourself to move out, it will pay off in the long run. I used to cry my eyes out on the way to the airport and even on the plane when I returned to London, where I live now. However, it gives me great strength and personal resilience to get on with things and know that I have a lot to look forward to when I do go back to see my Mum.

The important thing is to live life for you. If moving out completely is too much at the moment, why don't you move out in stages. This week, stay at your Mum's for 4 nights and at your new place for 3 nights and build up the length of stays each week/fortnight?

Don't try to jump in the deep end if you are full of anxiety. It's best to do it in smaller steps and live in the now. Don't worry if you can only manage 3 nights for a month, as long as you are spending at least two nights away then you will become stronger in yourself.

Also, lots of people do not understand anxiety, your housemate should be more understanding but just be patient with him and if he does make you feel uncomfortable, try not to stay home and rise above it. It depends how unreasonable he is being, I am not too sure whether to say that or say just forget about him!

Milk x

[Rennie1989]

Anxiety aside. Are you still paying rent/housekeeping for the house you have just moved out from? You have to understand that from their point of view that if you're not going back then they need to know so they can find a new housemate. If you're not paying them then they at least need to know that you're not going back. You have to understand why they are nagging at you and it's too expensive to have a vacant room.

Back to the subject of anxiety. Homesickness is very common, I moved from London two months ago yesterday and I still miss it a lot. The only way to tackle it is to simply keep plugging on, create new routines and new comforts. It's OK to go back home once or fortnight or so to visit friends and family but keep contact to a minimum otherwise you'll forever be homesick.

[blue moon]

I get homesick for my old life in Iran,really miss it.but have too and accepted I cannot go home.I meet up with family in Turkey or Kuwait,it is so hard to leave them behind,I am feeling emotional now being here on my own again my husband is overseas with Doctors without Boarders for another week,hopefully I will see my son on the weekend.So even at my age homesickness is awful.

Petra :)

[Catherine S]

One of my daughters lives in France now and she gets really homesick. Before she had children she came home alot but now she has to focus on family life and accepts that is over there. She doesn't come back as much now, which means I get to go over to visit her...and I hate flying!

You're still young and perhaps when you have met someone to share your life with you will become less homesick and more stable as you will focus more on life with them rather than life with your mum. You'll still miss home but it won't be so easy for you to keep moving back if you have other people in your life to think about.

[Blackphoenix]

Thank you for all your advice.
I managed to stay there once so far and keep a bag packed in my car encase I change my mind. It's just so bloody frustrating.
I am paying my rents and bills etc so that's no problem it just makes me sick to the stomach at the thought of going there, I feel so defeated, I'm not myself at all and I hate that. I have started therapy so hopefully that will help.
Thank you again for your kind words x

[MyNameIsTerry]

If you are paying your rent, why are they pestering you? There is no need to. If you are on a tenancy agreement, you remain liable to the landlord.

Something to consider is how you are paying for your utilities. You will be equally liable if all your names are on the tenancy agreement and tenants usually split this equally since its not possible to actually determine individual usage. Please remember this because if you are not there much, you will be paying for their usage which is wrong. If your utilities are included in the tenancy agreement, this will be difficult to deal with but if its not, your utility companies dont care who pays as they pursue everyone hence its betwedn the tenants to agree what % they all pay.


Its like a case for exposure type therapy where you become habituated to being away from home. So, maybe you need to start small and build up your time away so your confidence improves as your anxiety decreases.