An Experiment...

[LeFi_81]

Hi guys,

So my health anxiety only started parallel to my panic problem. The panic jumped into action at a stage in my life where I was completely depleted of energy and motivation. Stress got the upper hand over my entire life. The result - panic attacks.

Do you know what is the worst of all? The fact that my so-called stress was/is actually just the smallest little things!

After I had the first panic attacks, my GP could not really elaborate what happened. He did the routine check up and send me home with a verdict of physical health. The consequence? I spend hours on the internet looking up what could be wrong with me. 3 Major possibilities were concluded for me by Dr. Google. a) Heart disease; b) Brain tumor or c) Panic Disorder.

Option a was ruled out by my GP. Option b remains unexplored (its not like one can get an MRI from one day to the next). Option c was taken several steps further with great success. I do believe that I am suffering of anxiety and the side effects of it just freaks me out! It remains hard for me to grasp how strong psychosomatic symptoms can feel!

My current state is one of sensitization. In other words I am over sensitive to external/internal stimuli. Not a nice state to be in since every little unexpected noise scare the living lights out of me :roflmao:! Also, I am now working hard on the whole anxiety thing.

Here comes the experiment. My therapist asked me to try not to focus on my "option B" for one week. If my symptoms subside a little, then I will be more assured that it is truly just a result of my creativity. If the symptoms increase or stay present as strong, then she will refer me to a neurologist.

So the deal is that my "symptoms" are subtle. Very much so indeed! I am just so scared since I am seemingly surrounded by many sufferers of brain tumors. (Nope not a nurse or Dr. Merely family and friends).

I want to go for the experiment. Just now my eyes played some tricks on me as I tried to rest on the couch. So I decided to write. Just let it out. Just to say to you and to myself that I do not believe I have a brain tumor. That I belief it is a result of my reaction on my symptoms that my sensitization is rather fed by my creative mind. Do I struggle with accepting? Oh yes! So I will take a leap of faith. For one week tell myself to look the other way. Just to see. Try to go a little further each day. The moment I fail, I will salute my negative thought. Then I will venture out again. Away from the negativity.

Carpe Diem!

What is the worse that could happen?

[LunaLiuna]

Great idea LeFi, I hope that plan works for you!

I have a similar fear and I found looking straight at the problem and exploring why I'm scared of it helped me massively, that way you make friends with it, rather than treating it as something that isn't apart of you (the Anxiety that is) :)

[LeFi_81]

Yes! Exactly.

I imagined how happy and warm I will feel if I get a "clear" result from an MRI scan. Then I realized that I CAN make myself feel happy and warm.

The funny thing is, my HA is only affecting me about 25% of the time. I function normal, look normal, talk normal. I want to quit living this 25% of the time in my mind filled with fear! Enough! Kick it! :mad:

[flossy74]

Lefi great post and a really interesting idea to try. Like you the majority of the time I am ok but sometimes get stuck with one lasting worry. Luna I like the idea of facing the fear too and looking at it warts and all, also one to try.
Its like a diet, those last few pounds ate the hardest and I am finding these residual niggly worries are stubborn to shake!! :)

[LeFi_81]

Oh I relate to your statement about those last few pounds ;-) Perhaps, if I can succeed in my experiment, then it would also be helpful in other area's of life. Basically learning to make a decision and sticking to it. Perseverance!

Dusk is usually high time for the anxiety traffic to rush through my body. Since my decision to focus away from my fear, I can truly say it is reduced!. Yesterday I came down with a terrible cold. All the more reason for panic and anxiety to throw a party in LeFi's inner world :) Amazingly though is the fact that I could experience the side effects of the cold, without going ballistic about my future health. Great!

Two things that helped me would be that my therapist feels my symptoms (that are ever changing are not really so strong that they indicate true physical disease) and also that I spoke to her so sincerely about it. Really poured my heart out. Face to face. I feel embarrassed about it. No need to lie about it. I feel like I am making a mountain out of a moles heap! So I do not speak to my hubby about it too much. Perhaps therefore the talk with the therapist was so much more productive.

I still have headaches and my eyes are still playing tricks and I feel a little beside myself from time to time. It just freaks me out less and less.

Thanks to some great advice that I got here. This factor cannot be neglected.

Wishing my fellow people here a good day. Moment to moment.