struggling again

[Rachy-Rach]

I've been off citalopram for more than a year now as I didn't want to be on it whilst pregnant. I'm now half way through my first pregnancy and I'm really struggling. I advised a stranger about a wound - I'm a nurse - whilst the advice i gave was correct I can't stop worrying that something bad will happen as a result.

I started a new job a couple of months ago and I'm finding it difficult. Panicing about what I've done and worrying I've done something wrong. I'm not supported with my anxiety as my manager cannot keep anything to herself and I don't want everyone I work with and people I don't knowing I'm struggling. I can't quit as I need the money for maternity leave. I only have 4 months left but I'm not sleeping and worry about everything. What can I do?

[MyNameIsTerry]

You can always talk to your GP. They won't share your information will they? I don't know if their are protocols in the NHS for that, for the rest of us we would be covered by the Data Protection Act.

It seems that you don't trust yourself, which I think is common in anxiety and definately in OCD (which I have) because you end up double checking and triple checking and it goes on.

Have you triied Mindfulness meditation? It's recommended by CBT therapists and it's widely available without consulting anyone. It can help calm your mind and break the obsessive thoughts. It takes time to learn but isn't hard, it's just that it's takes time for you to understand it at a subconscious level.

There is a CBT course on here as well which might help. CBT is good at tackling precise issues rather than general ones as it aims to retrain how you think about that situation or thought process. Your's seems related to trusting yourself and your confidence so it could help with that.

Something to consider is the fact that you are a nurse and as such if you make a mistake, isn't it going to manifest itself or be seen by others?

Just to add, I've worked with many managers like that, so I know how you feel. However, any manager breaching something confidential other than within the guidelines from HR (e.g. talking to them, their own line manager for support, etc) is gross misconduct and you would be entitled to enter a disciplinary process.

Are you in a union? I'm wondering if they can help you a bit. Aside from the fact they can protect you with your manager, I would have thought unions dealing with nurses would have additional support functions in place to counsel them given it's a very stressful job.

[Rennie1989]

I am very sure that the advise you gave was sound. Remember that on the streets you could be absolutely anybody, so if a stranger wants to take your advice it is their responsibility.

You have the exact same issue as myself, self doubt. My career has been scuppered by my lack of confidence and self doubt and it can be frustrating when a task that everybody else does causes so much anxiety.

Have you ever considered CBT or counselling? CBT can help to change your mindset and attitude towards your confidence whilst counselling could help find out why you have such low confidence and some techniques to help combat that. I'm sure there are some books out there that can help too. Remember that set backs and relapses are fine. Bad days will happen but if you keep plugging on, let the bad thoughts do their worse, you'll get through it.

You're awesome, don't let the thoughts tell you otherwise ;)

[Rachy-Rach]

Thanks :-) the strage thing is my anxiety only really applies to my job. I'm quite confident in other aspects of my life, probably more than most. I had cbt previously but the therapist was terrible! Every session she would tell me about the importance of routine which is impossible when you do shift work. She clearly delt the same model to everyone regardless of circumstances. I did see a psychologist previously who I actually worked with - he was amazing and for a while I was a lot better. I'm nit the worst I've ever been but I don't feel good about things right now and I've noticed I've started to try to avoid work as much as I can which only makes it worse when you have to do it. A new job and my first pregnancy is a kot to take on and I find that worrying and therefore not sleeping at night means I vomit in the day which makes me feel more miserable so it's quite a vicious cycle. I found an app last night that helped me to calm down a little but I'm still worrying this morning. I won't have pills but I'd like a magic wand.i don't understand how people can do what I do and not worry. What's their secret?

[Rennie1989]

Their secret is that they don't think and ponder on things. It sounds very simple but it is true. I kept asking my husband why I kept worrying about things that are minuscule in importance or unlikely to happen yet everybody else didn't. He said you have to learn to let things go, if you have no control over something (which is partly the route of my anxiety) to just let it go, if you have control then do something about it. I just keep saying 'que sera sera...'

[Catherine S]

Nursing is quite a responsibility, you are in charge of people's health and wellbeing and not everybody can do this kind of job so kudos to you. Also, if you normally have to take meds to control ocd, the fact that you're not taking anything, together with the surge in hormones that pregnancy brings is more than likely having this effect on you. Hopefully when you take maternity leave you will begin to recover from the added pressure of work that you have just now, and just enjoy being at home with your baby :)

[roxy90]

Big hugs to you. I bet you are a fabulous nurse, there is no reason why you aren't and as you said your advice was correct. :) You sound like you just need a confidence boost.

Maternity leave is lovely, I'm about to start mine soon. Enjoy your job and enjoy your baby, just relax and take care x

[MyNameIsTerry]

I used go be one of those people myself as my issues only came when I entered my thirties.

The reason I didnt feel like this is because I didnt know "this" existed. My subconscious never went there.


Its a whole different world now. Ive spoken to others who say the same.


It must be quite hard at the moment with your hormones inflaming the issue.


That CBT therapist was an idiot by the sound of it. Routine is an OCD sufferers problem, you break it, not reinforce it. With anxiety, routine can create safety behaviours so not good their either. CBT doesnt rely on routines anyway, I never heard that in mine. Another CBT therapist might help you more.


I guess all the issues with standards are making you concerned about your performance as well. Perhaps review some things you did and show yourself that you do not what you are doing. Just dont make it a habit or you will find it will become obsessive.

[davidthegnome]

Giving advice is always a dangerous thing. What if you give good advice to someone who messes it up completely and does only half of what you told them to? What if they do everything you told them to - and then something happens anyway? What if?.....

That is the question that those of us who have anxiety tend to agonize over. Our ability to "what if" ourselves to the point of absurdity is truly virtuoso. The logical, simple solution, is simply to stop thinking in terms of "what if", which, as we all know... is like trying not to think about pink elephants. Whatever you do, don't think about pink elephants! So... what are you thinking about? Pink elephants?

My solution to these what if marathons is generally to try to come up with something firm. Some times you can change "What if?" to "so what?", or to "I did the best I could/I'm doing the best I can - that's enough for me". Maybe a bit more complex when giving medical advice, but all you can do is the best you can. We can't make things right by worrying them to death. All we can do is hope for the best. Or... "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage, to change the things I can - and the wisdom to know the difference."

An odd time for me to say this perhaps... but, congratulations on your pregnancy! It's really tough to give up a medication that helps, even when doing it for good reasons - and I admire your strength and resolve.

As for what to do now... I think you're already doing it. You're reaching out and sharing your feelings and looking for help. That's pretty much the first step of every battle like this. None of us human creatures go through life alone, we share our burdens and in doing so become stronger together.

I don't have the answers, but I do have faith that someone strong enough to give up the citalopram is strong enough to be a great mom, anxiety or no anxiety.

Deep breathing. Tea with chamomile. A long talk with a loved one. A walk on the beach. A few hours in the sun. There are many things that can help a little - and some that can help a lot. I'm definitely sending encouraging thoughts and prayers your way, I don't know if that helps, but I'm going to do it anyway.

No matter how hard it seems right now, I promise it will eventually get easier.

[Rachy-Rach]

Thank you so much for such a beautiful message. I'm still panicing but it'll get a little less each day until something else takes me back to square one again. Walking in the countryside really helps me. Your words are so kind. You sound very rational and wise. Hope I can get there one day x