Driving Lessons

[jayjoe18]

Hi all, so I'm turning 21 soon and I've been excited to drive since I was younger but haven't been able to learn due to anxiety. Now my grandparents want to pay for block lessons for me as a 21st present, my grandad has gone out of his way to find and contact a driving instructor for me and has told them they are not to upset me or else :roflmao:

Anyway, the driving instructor is male, I always wanted a female as I just feel more comfortable but obviously I can't say no as it would be very ungrateful. The instructor has been told about my anxiety and he sounds really nice and friendly, I'm just feeling nervous about it.

I've got my first lesson booked for next week, he said we would only go to a quiet road behind my house but I'm still nervous.... does anyone have any tips or anything to keep the nerves down? Has anyone learnt to drive with anxiety? The driving part doesn't scare me, just the social side of learning.

[shakey1961]

Anything new and you will be nervous, we all are, so you're not unique in that.

As you say you've been excited for a long time to learn to drive. Just get out there and enjoy it.

It'll be the best thing you ever did. It opens the world to you.

He sounds like a nice instructor and he's been told about your anxiety, so stop worrying.

[Rennie1989]

I was just having this conversation with my husband earlier. There are situations where EVERYBODY feels anxious/nervous, and your first driving lesson will be one of them. I can't give you any advice, but what I will say is that once you meet your instructor and once you've both had the pep talk you will forget about how anxious you were and you'll be straight back here saying 'I loved it!'

Good luck and have fun :)

[almamatters]

Hi If you are anything like me, you will be so busy concentrating on your lesson that you will forget any nerves you had. Your instructor sounds understanding which is great. I was grateful that my instructor was a quiet person so we did not have to get into too much social chit chat. Just concentrate on your end goal, getting your driving licence and you will be fine.

[PamG]

I know exactly how you feel. I was in a catch 22 at the end of last year. I had only just went back to work at reduce duties and reduced hours after being off for 6 months. I went back knowing I have an 1 1/2 hour commute to work on public transport and from work the same way. The only way I could go back to full time would be to learn to drive. I had a bad experience with an instructor when I was 17 , I'm now 30. Now I have been learning to drive for four months. I am taking it slowly, but where I initially felt terrible (retching and heaving even thinking about going on a lesson), as soon as I got in the car and had to concentrate on the road and the instructor telling me what to do I forgot all about being anxious. Each lesson now gets easier and easier and now I can't remember what I was so nervous about. It does feel crap on the initial run up to the lesson, but hits a peak as soon as you get in the car. Push through and it will all be fine.

[wabbit1]

Hiya, I think that once you get started learning to drive you'll be to focused on that to worry about the social side of things. I know that when I'm concentrating on something I can cope better with the social side of things. Like I manage to go running with a club (something I would never have thought I'd be able to do a year ago) but if I'm finding it difficult to with everyone around me and stop talking people assume it's because I'm having to concentrate on my breathing. It takes so much pressure off me.

People are right about what they are saying. Everyone will find the first driving lesson nerve wracking. Although I know it doesn't help calm the nerves that much at least he'll have dealt with loads of nervous people. Also the driving instructor knowing your background should help you.

Good luck and enjoy the driving!

[roxy90]

I took my driving lessons 3/4 years ago. I went to an all female school as I thought I'd be more comfortable. I failed 4 times and was the most nerve wracking time.

After my 4th failure I had a paddy and quit my lessons. Fast forward to now and I've restarted them (taking a break at the minute because I'm 34 weeks pregnant) but this time I have a male and he is a million times a better instructor, I feel very confident around him.

I don't think it matters male/female as long as you feel comfortable with them. The first lesson will be nervey, but it gets easier as you get know him.

I love driving and I cannot wait to eventually pass, and my instructor is confident I will. Enjoy it, for me its the one place I feel most in control. x

[jayjoe18]

Thanks guys, really helpful to read these right now, my first lesson is tomorrow! A lot of the scary things I've done in the past have always been more manageable when I had something to concentrate on, it distracts from the anxiety, I hope this is the same!

I don't know how we manage to do the things that people without anxiety find nerve wracking. The anticipation is getting to me a little bit now and I know it's going to be horrible tomorrow. Hoping I can keep control of my nerves at the same time as keeping control of the car!

[NE21 worrier]

Hey Jayjoe,

Just wanted to drop by and offer a few tips for your first driving lesson. I learned to drive with quite regular anxiety - it took me five times to pass the test but I did eventually get there and I've loved driving ever since so I'm sure will too.

Anyway, onto the tips (off the top of my head):
*Be prepared to expect a surge of adrenaline before you start - this is only natural as you are doing something which you are not naturally accustomed to. Be aware that this may set off some nasty symptoms and the usual alarms but stay with it. They will genuinely not render you incapable of driving car, plenty of nervous people have driven before and even if you have to go really slow, you will still be driving.
*Be honest with your instructor. I told mine right at the start that I was going to be a nervous learner from the start and, while I was told "Yeah, everyone is nervous", it may be worth stating that you may need your instructor to be extra-patient with you. If they're any good, they will - after all, it is in their interests that you stay with them and pass.
*In slight contrast to the last point, emphasise to your instructor your determination to achieve this, no matter how long or how difficult it is. It really is worth it in the end.
*Don't pressure yourself into trying to remember everything about the car all at once - and bear in mind that if you're going to make a daft error (it happens), your instructor will apply the dual controls.
*Smile and enjoy it. Indulge in some small talk with the instructor at the start and end of the lesson, perhaps. Build a relationship with him, he is going to be pretty important :)

Good luck,
Peter

[wabbit1]

Good Luck :yesyes:

[Catherine S]

Always remember that absolutely everybody feels anxiety with something like this...its 'normal'. Never make the mistake of thinking your life can be entirely anxiety free, that's a mistake some people on the forum make. Anxious times are part of normal life. Go for it and good luck. I passed on my third test many years ago and my son two years ago on his second, but last year my daughter on her first. We are all different...not better, not worse, just who we are.

[jayjoe18]

Hi guys, I thought I'd pop back on to say thanks again for all the great advice and support, I managed to do my first lesson though it was so scary!! I'm now onto my 3rd next week, not done that much driving (just stopping and starting) but it's been good, I hope I can do a bit more driving soon... I may be nervous but I'm not nervous about driving it's just the social anxiety haha.

Anyways, it's still very new and nerve wracking I'm just hoping that it will keep getting easier, fingers crossed!

Hope everyone is well!

[AnxietySufferer]

As a fellow anxiety sufferer I completely understand your want for a female instructor! Unfortunately, there aren't actually that many of them around. I think it's great that your driving instructor knows about your anxiety (mine didn't, just thought I was a very nervous driver). I remember being extremely nervous before my first driving lesson, after the first few lessons and I actually remember crying to my mum saying my instructor was too pushy and I didn't want to learn any more, she encouraged he to finish the block of 5 lessons at at the end, although I still didn't like the pressure from the driving instructor I suck with driving (and him). You shouldn't always think of anxiety as a bad thing though, it certainly makes you work harder at it, and made me want to egg a lot of practice in before my test which I believe makes me a safe driver. Anyway, passing your driving test is one of those great feelings in life that just makes you feel really good about yourself, the day will come you have just got to stick with it! Honestly driving will help your anxiety in the long wrong, just knowing you don't have to rely on lifts is a bit help and it will be the confidence boost you need... And the best thing about it? Anyone can do if if you work hard enough at it :) also the key is not the focus on passing or failing.. When I passed there was another girl there on her 5th test! Driving isn't easy but she got there in the end (padding the same day as me)

[jayjoe18]

You shouldn't always think of anxiety as a bad thing though, it certainly makes you work harder at it, and made me want to egg a lot of practice in before my test which I believe makes me a safe driver. Anyway, passing your driving test is one of those great feelings in life that just makes you feel really good about yourself, the day will come you have just got to stick with it! Honestly driving will help your anxiety in the long wrong, just knowing you don't have to rely on lifts is a bit help and it will be the confidence boost you need...

I totally agree, we see anxiety as a bad thing but it does have some good points to it like you said, already I've been learning as much as I can to have more knowledge to make me more comfortable and confident during lessons, and that will surely help me in future! I think driving will really aid in giving me more confidence too, I hope! :yesyes: