Feel like giving up on everything

[shootingstars]

The panic is back, for the third time. This time it's been seven months. Panic attack almost every day. Sometimes I have successive days where I'm fine, only to get back to anxiousness again. It's like I expect it.

I get the strangest symptoms like vertigo and hearing loss, heart racing, and feeling like I'm going insane...sometimes just seemingly randomly.

I've learned CBT, I'm back with a new therapist trying to teach me to be in the moment, and while being in the moment works for me when it's successful, some days I just can't seem to control my moods. Ativan only does so much.

I'm depressed, feel like I bother people, am not functioning as well at work as I did before the relapse...I feel like a shell of a person.

I'm engaged, I dont know what hes thinking trying to take all this on. It bothers the hell out of me when I express feelings just to hear "I'm sorry to hear that" because it makes me feel like a lost cause. I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel like I'm just effed for life.

We're supposed to be moving and I'm unsure of how I'll handle that too.
Forums tend to scare me, all the horror stories leave me feeling like I may as well just give up on everything. I'm horribly depressed.

[Tessar]

Shooting Stars............. it's not all bad. Not all posts and threads on forums are bad. The bad ones are going to catch the eye, of course they are, but dip into "success stories" on here and you'll see straight away it really isn't all bad.
At the moment as you're seeing a new therapist, things are bound to feel bad because you're making an effort to challenge the bad. for me, making those challenges involves fear. I have to face what I have been putting off for so long. you are doing that. facing stuff. good for you.
also, you have things going on in your life that are good. brilliant in fact but scary too. its lovely you are engaged. but even happy events bring stresses too. moving indeed is a scary and unsettling life event. rated as one of the most stressful.
what you need to do is give yourself a break form all this. allow yourself time to relax and just exist, free of these stresses and strains. you don't have to be worrying or thinking all of the time. it might be a quiet moment just to sit & do nothing. or it might be something strenuous like a bike ride or fast walk. whatever it is you ARE entitled to relax and simply be.
Oh and all that worrying about bothering people? Well I recall telling my therapist that I was a nuisance. Her words to me? You are not a nuisance, far from it. That is the last word I would ever use to describe you. And So it is the same with you, Shooting Stars, you are not a bother! you are a person who is having a difficult time & who needs some help and encouragement to get back to where they would like to be. so they no longer feel like a shell.
that time will come I am sure. There may be some hard work along the way and a few things to face but you know you can get there. you've done this before so its time to draw on the strength you have and to go for it.
:-)

[shootingstars]

Thank you so much your positivity is really uplifting :)

[danbryn]

You sound excatly like me, im currently having cbt. While its slowly helping i do feel like giving up completely but lifes worth more than that.
Use your inner strength, you are not a nuisense or in the way.
I know this feels like a long road and i have been suffering years myself, but sometimes i come on here and read success storys and know we can conquer it.
When you do something that is hard on anxiety, reward yourself, even if its small. Sometimes reading and just listening to music gives you the break you need :)

[Tessar]

Danbryn..... Very good words.... I totally agree with you.
In terms of progress I am further down the line and something I very firmly believe is that going through hard times (when things feel rather hopeless) is all part of the process.
These days I still have bad days, I had one last Thursday.
But the difference now is that the bad days are becoming more isolated.
Also the times when I sit there & feel like giving up or trashing my hard work "because it's just not worth bothering" are also becoming less frequent too.
When I am feeling down of course I do think these things..... But I acknowledge more readily every time that they are a knee-jerk reaction to the situation I find myself in.
The despondency & glum thoughts don't last anywhere near as long & even while I am experiencing them, I know in my heart they won't last forever & soon.... If I keep at it.... They will recede & I will begin to feel happier again soon.

Sometimes the thoughts & bad feeling ps can last for weeks and it seems like they really will last forever but if you keep at it..... I really do believe you will start to see a difference.

Everyone is worth it ..... :-)