Back to work tomorrow

[dan76]

So... I have been on sick leave last 4 days and tomorrow I should get back to the office. It just feels so wrong feeling like this. I don't understand how my life turned upside down like this in less than a two months.

I have been really struggling for last 6 weeks or so. I was able to attend work until last Tuesday. At work I have by no means been doing much. Just waiting hours to pass, so that I can get back home. I feel so dizzy and weak all the time that it occupies my entire mind. If I get any pressure to concentrate on anything like - phone call or writing an email - it gets worse and I feel that I am going to pass out or that my mind will just go blank. And it is so difficult to keep this all inside me, because from the outside I look completely normal.

On the other hand I really want to go there, because staying home alone is not that much fun either. I am not feeling that better at home either. Only relief being that I can go lay down whenever I feel the need and that I don't need to keep acting as everything was fine.

Past 6 weeks I have been thinking a lot what is really wrong with me and so has my GP. But as there are no indications of any physical issues, the anxiety is only that is left. Thinking from that perspective, it sounds pretty solid diagnosis, but I am still not sure. I even had appointment with a psychiatrist but even he didn't think that I was suffering from anxiety. But maybe it was because that point of time I was more convinced that something else is wrong and I kept acting when he interviewed me...

And now that I have just started venlafaxine I don't know anymore which is a real symptom and which is just a side-effect. Am I just making myself more sick by taking this medicine. But I really want it to work.

[hanshan]

Hi Dan,

It sounds like some kind of emotional crisis that you have to work through. Don't worry about whether there is a proper name for it. The most important thing is that you come out the other side okay.

Stick with the venlafaxine. In time, you will be better able to distinguish side-effects from symptoms of your problem.

[Rennie1989]

When I'm feeling awful, whether it's depression, heightened anxiety or the pesky pills, I find going to work is more benefitical to being at home. At work you have the distractions that you need, tasks to keep your mind occupied, people to talk to and a routine to work around, whilst at home you may be too tempted to stay in bed or lie on the sofa all day and be left with your thoughts. I understand that coming back to work after some time off sick is really hard but 1) the longer you put it off the worse it will get 2) you'll be back into the swing of things pretty quickly on the first day back.

[dan76]

Thanks guys. Fully agree with the fact that it should be better for me to go to work. It is just the physical symptoms which can become so overwhelmingly debilitating at times. That of course adds to the anxiety and so forth.. well I think I will see tomorrow evening how I did.

[wabbit1]

Hi.

I hope it goes well for you tomorrow.

[hanshan]

Hope all went okay. If not, tomorrow is always a new day.