I don't know how to explain myself

[grace.M]

hello again :) i was just wondering if anyone had some advice on explaining to family about generalised anxiety disorder?

recently i've been coping really well but some of my family really don't understand its still there, because i don't have panic attacks all the time like i used to.... suddenly its an excuse? more recently i've had some family members tell me to 'just get over it' or 'worrying doesn't solve anything' (thanks for letting me know!...solves everything) and its stressing me out that more recently i've been hiding the fact i have been missing uni and lectures because i often get into long and a lot of the time poorly explained conversations going along the lines of 'no no i'm not lazy, i just get scared easy...and trust me i hate myself for it' it comes across as me making excuses when really i've had a lot of trouble sleeping, doing any serious work and putting on a brave face for people i'm not brave enough to give the textbook description of all my symptoms and why i can't be as brave and determined as i would like and i really really would like to be doing well and making major progress with myself and my work, that being said... as i mentioned earlier i'm doing loads better than last year and i've even been brave enough to join a few social clubs :yahoo:

any kind of experience with this or some tips on helping family know would be amazing, i find it difficult because unless i know someone really well or they are around me all the time i avoid even saying i have anxiety and make up excuses for myself, its just difficult keeping it up with really close family who i'd really love support from, thanks for reading xx

[aprilmoon]

Hi Grace
First,well done on all the progress you've made.I know how hard it is to let people in,and who to trust.You have to make yourself very vulnerable to do that,and its not easy.I spoke to my grown up daughter a bit about how am feeling at the moment when we sitting in the garden yesterday.My poor husband has had enough of it all,and although he loves me very much,it is getting to him now.She was understanding about it,and at least I know she knows that I'm still struggling.

[Rennie1989]

Why don't you provide them a link from a mental health that explains GAD to families?

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/friends-and-family/?o=10282#.UzmCsKhdXL0

http://www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/what-you-need-to-know/supporting-someone-with-a-mental-illness

[Ryan92]

Hi Grace, I feel the same and I suffer from GAD too, I know how tough it can be :hugs: well done on your progress and its great your joining social groups :D

I'll make up excuses to my family sometimes as I worry of what they think of me and my anxiety.

It can be difficult for family to understand, my family are supportive but not all of them fully understand. My family sometimes say to me 'calm down' or 'you dont need to worry about that' which is easy for them to say but when we have GAD we can be anxious all the time :doh:

Have you tried telling your family about how you anxiety makes you feel etc ? I know it might be upsetting to talk about it but they may understand more if they know your feelings and emotions. If you have not already told them, you could talk to them about how you feel it is affecting your life.

Sometimes I feel guilty about my anxiety, thinking Im wasting my families time so I then get mad at myself and I'll then say sorry to my family for no big reason :doh:. You might find these sites helpful :)

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxiety_explained.html

http://www.healthcentral.com/anxiety/c/1443/157042/anxiety-sufferers/

Sorry if its not much help

Are you taking medication to help control your GAD or are you seeing a therapist ? Im taking sertraline and in the past Ive had CBT sessions but Im on a waiting list for counselling and more therapy sessions. I hate those waiting lists :wacko:

I have this other side of me in my mind I refer to as my 'critical self' where I will think negatively about myself. (Its not been that bad recently, Ive found NMP a great help :D )

Hope you feel better soon :)

[grace.M]

thanks for all your replies :) i have explained to family previously, and in great detail when i was really bad, back when i was offered different medications but i didn't take it because my family and friends had really strong views against it :shrug: my other half is really supportive and understands, but when it comes to a few close family members its like it is only an issue when i mess up and even then their first thoughts are not about my anxiety but i get asked if i was doing it deliberately or get told 'surely you can't be like that all the time' ...so i have a lot of self-doubt too, and recently i've been thinking.. perhaps i am just lazy... or maybe i haven't tried hard enough to get better :weep:

i'm seeing a counsellor at the moment, and i havent really ventured into cbt yet... probably just worried about asking my GP or being put on a waiting list!

thanks for the website links too, they have helped :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Grace, its very hard for anyone to understand how anxiety actually feels. My CBT therapist agreed that professionals didnt know it unless they've had it. Its like saying you know what a broken leg feels like when you've never had one!

If someone attacked you in the street or mugged you, you would feel a load of anxiety if you aren't trained to tackle that situation. For an anxiety sufferer, just answering your own front door can hold the same level if anxiety. If a non anxious person is scared of going to the dentist, try feeling like that all day long over absolutely nothing, or brushing your teeth, having a shower, etc.


Thats how I sometimes try to explain things but whether it really sinks in, who knows.


The remarks made to you were ignorant. Maybe they were said out of frustration? If people are stressed, they often say things with less tact.


I would use the links about. Also, look at Time For Change since that is there to try to end stigma of mental health disorders.


If your anxiety causes an issue that may be seen outside of family, sometimes people feel a bit embarrassed because the social stigma is there.

[grace.M]

thank you terry :) i have been finding it really hard recently, as people who were really supportive seem a bit fed up,.... i have no idea what to do, i can't even talk to anyone about how i feel anymore because i'm either saying the same things or it just looks like i'm not trying hard enough. i've been really tearful lately because i know i'm avoiding everything and i know i should be doing something about it.... but whenever someone talks to me about it i just blame myself anyway :unsure: Time for change is a really helpful website too x the stigma is something i'm not letting myself get past which is terrible, i feel like i should be able to handle myself... and i was doing well this year until recently

[MyNameIsTerry]

Guilt is a powerful emotion so its going to prolong the low moods. You need to think of this as a lesson learned and come up with ways to tackle the things you are avoiding. Small steps though since big goals can be overwhelming.

It sounds like your self esteem and confidence have taken a battering. If you dwell on peoples comments, it will destroy them further.


However, they need to be understanding of your needs. They need to understand that no one wants to be like this, its not like its a holiday because we might get out of some social activities. They may see it that way, but they are thinking of things in their own terms.


Ultimately, no one can know how it feels, they can only try. I think they assume that we feel anxiety at the same intensity as they do and its our ability to handle it. But thats like comparing a bruised ankle to a broken one.

[robinsky]

hello again :) i was just wondering if anyone had some advice on explaining to family about generalised anxiety disorder?

recently i've been coping really well but some of my family really don't understand its still there, because i don't have panic attacks all the time like i used to.... suddenly its an excuse? more recently i've had some family members tell me to 'just get over it' or 'worrying doesn't solve anything' (thanks for letting me know!...solves everything) and its stressing me out that more recently i've been hiding the fact i have been missing uni and lectures because i often get into long and a lot of the time poorly explained conversations going along the lines of 'no no i'm not lazy, i just get scared easy...and trust me i hate myself for it' it comes across as me making excuses when really i've had a lot of trouble sleeping, doing any serious work and putting on a brave face for people i'm not brave enough to give the textbook description of all my symptoms and why i can't be as brave and determined as i would like and i really really would like to be doing well and making major progress with myself and my work, that being said... as i mentioned earlier i'm doing loads better than last year and i've even been brave enough to join a few social clubs :yahoo:

any kind of experience with this or some tips on helping family know would be amazing, i find it difficult because unless i know someone really well or they are around me all the time i avoid even saying i have anxiety and make up excuses for myself, its just difficult keeping it up with really close family who i'd really love support from, thanks for reading xx

I've had anxiety for several weeks and I find that you can only understand anxiety if you've been there yourself.