Dobbiedoo
31-03-14, 22:00
Hello again
I’ve tried to stay away from this forum for the last couple of months as I really thought I was on the mend after doctors confirmed that there was nothing seriously wrong with me following investigations for some scary symptoms. However, I still feel very traumatised by how worried and scared I was and keep being struck by horrible thoughts that maybe the doctors missed something and I actually have cancer which, deep down, I know is probably irrational(?) but I just can’t help myself………
Until late last year I never really had health anxiety before, although I have had general anxiety in the past and have taken Citalapram. It all started last autumn with some bleeding in between periods and I also noticed that there was sometimes a small amount of white mucus in the toilet after a bowel movement. I started to worry myself sick about both womb cancer and bowel cancer, especially as my dad died from bowel cancer.
I saw a gynaecologist for the bleeding who diagnosed some benign fibroids growing under the lining of my womb as the cause. I had a minor op to have them shaved back and a mirena coil was also inserted. I was told a combination of the two things should solve the problem. Biopsies were taken during the op that came back clear.
Separately, I saw a gastroenterologist for the mucus who, after doing a colonoscopy which was entirely normal, could offer no explanation. Meanwhile (and feel free to laugh Fishmanpa!!) I had been monitoring my bowel movements for a 15 week period and…..Tmi coming up……I realised that the mucus never occurred when I was bleeding either due to my period or fibroid problem. Given that I typically bled for 2-3 out of every 4 weeks it seemed more than a coincidence that it only ever showed up during the odd times when I wasn’t bleeding. Thinking back to the initial investigations for the bleeding, I recall my GP remarking that I had an excess amount of vaginal mucus (she called it “leukorreah”). I had noticed it myself – it often seeps out during a bowel movement (when I’m not bleeding obviously) and is often white. I’ve also discovered that leukorreah can be a symptom of fibroids. Therefore, it seems more than likely that my 2 problems are linked. I mentioned it to the gastroenterologist who agreed it could be a feasible explanation and even mentioned it in her report back to my GP! However, I keep worrying that maybe this theory is wrong, not that it actually matters because I’ve had a clear colonoscopy?! I stopped looking at my poo several weeks ago (with just the occasional lapse) as it was causing me too much anxiety. However, someone on another forum (not an anxiety one) got me worried by saying I was silly not to check my poo as a colonoscopy is not 100% and I could miss signs of bowel cancer! Eeeeek!
Disappointingly, nearly 3 months after the fibroid op I’m still bleeding a lot. The doctor, the leaflet and even Dr Google say this is a very common side effect of the mirena coil and usually settles down after a few months so I’m actually not too worried about this, it’s just annoying more than anything. I’ve been told that if it doesn’t settle down there are other options, a hysterectomy being the last resort. However, the mirena has another unpleasant side effect – my back has broken out in horrible acne due to the hormones in it. I had bad acne on and off from my teens until my mid thirties and it made me extremely miserable and I ended up taking a strong drug (Roaccutane) to get rid of it. I’ve been spot free for 10 years and really didn’t expect to have it back again in my forties! I’ve tried not to let it get me down, deciding it was better than having cancer! However, I’ve started to be haunted by horrible memories of how my acne made me feel and try as I might I AM worried and depressed about it, just like the old days. I had to refuse to take my kids swimming as I’m so embarrassed and am reluctant to book a summer holiday in case it hasn’t cleared up. I just got some antibiotics from the GP for it but know they only work for a while, if indeed they work at all.
I’m so sick of feeling like this, I just can’t snap out of it. I’ve always been a healthy person and these health scares have brought home to me that now I’m in my forties, the likelihood of getting a serious illness is increased. I don’t seem to be able to go a day without hearing about someone getting cancer – just today my sister told me her brother in law had been diagnosed and he’s not much older than me. 2 years ago a close friend died of a brain tumour and last year a mum at my children’s school died of the disease.
It’s so frustrating as I could have such a good life – nice home, nice family including two gorgeous kids, financial security and, just before my battle with health anxiety started, I left a horrible, stressful job for a much more enjoyable job with fewer, flexible hours. However, I don’t feel I’m doing it justice as my brain is forever wandering to my worries. My kids are very challenging which I feel is partly my fault as I just don’t have the energy to tackle their often poor behaviour and am forever snapping and yelling at them. I know my husband is sick of me and my mood and is annoyed that after spending a lot of money on private investigations, I’m still not happy.
I find that recently I’ve been waking at around 4am feeling panicky and cannot get back to sleep as my worries keep going round and round in my head. I’m forever going through my worries in my mind, rationalising them one by one. I keep thinking I’ve “put them to bed” but before I know it, I’ve started the cycle again and am back to square one!
I’m sorry for rambling on and congratulations if you’ve actually managed to read this far without falling asleep! However, writing it all down does seem to help. Can some of you relate to what I’m saying? Any words of wisdom?
I’ve tried to stay away from this forum for the last couple of months as I really thought I was on the mend after doctors confirmed that there was nothing seriously wrong with me following investigations for some scary symptoms. However, I still feel very traumatised by how worried and scared I was and keep being struck by horrible thoughts that maybe the doctors missed something and I actually have cancer which, deep down, I know is probably irrational(?) but I just can’t help myself………
Until late last year I never really had health anxiety before, although I have had general anxiety in the past and have taken Citalapram. It all started last autumn with some bleeding in between periods and I also noticed that there was sometimes a small amount of white mucus in the toilet after a bowel movement. I started to worry myself sick about both womb cancer and bowel cancer, especially as my dad died from bowel cancer.
I saw a gynaecologist for the bleeding who diagnosed some benign fibroids growing under the lining of my womb as the cause. I had a minor op to have them shaved back and a mirena coil was also inserted. I was told a combination of the two things should solve the problem. Biopsies were taken during the op that came back clear.
Separately, I saw a gastroenterologist for the mucus who, after doing a colonoscopy which was entirely normal, could offer no explanation. Meanwhile (and feel free to laugh Fishmanpa!!) I had been monitoring my bowel movements for a 15 week period and…..Tmi coming up……I realised that the mucus never occurred when I was bleeding either due to my period or fibroid problem. Given that I typically bled for 2-3 out of every 4 weeks it seemed more than a coincidence that it only ever showed up during the odd times when I wasn’t bleeding. Thinking back to the initial investigations for the bleeding, I recall my GP remarking that I had an excess amount of vaginal mucus (she called it “leukorreah”). I had noticed it myself – it often seeps out during a bowel movement (when I’m not bleeding obviously) and is often white. I’ve also discovered that leukorreah can be a symptom of fibroids. Therefore, it seems more than likely that my 2 problems are linked. I mentioned it to the gastroenterologist who agreed it could be a feasible explanation and even mentioned it in her report back to my GP! However, I keep worrying that maybe this theory is wrong, not that it actually matters because I’ve had a clear colonoscopy?! I stopped looking at my poo several weeks ago (with just the occasional lapse) as it was causing me too much anxiety. However, someone on another forum (not an anxiety one) got me worried by saying I was silly not to check my poo as a colonoscopy is not 100% and I could miss signs of bowel cancer! Eeeeek!
Disappointingly, nearly 3 months after the fibroid op I’m still bleeding a lot. The doctor, the leaflet and even Dr Google say this is a very common side effect of the mirena coil and usually settles down after a few months so I’m actually not too worried about this, it’s just annoying more than anything. I’ve been told that if it doesn’t settle down there are other options, a hysterectomy being the last resort. However, the mirena has another unpleasant side effect – my back has broken out in horrible acne due to the hormones in it. I had bad acne on and off from my teens until my mid thirties and it made me extremely miserable and I ended up taking a strong drug (Roaccutane) to get rid of it. I’ve been spot free for 10 years and really didn’t expect to have it back again in my forties! I’ve tried not to let it get me down, deciding it was better than having cancer! However, I’ve started to be haunted by horrible memories of how my acne made me feel and try as I might I AM worried and depressed about it, just like the old days. I had to refuse to take my kids swimming as I’m so embarrassed and am reluctant to book a summer holiday in case it hasn’t cleared up. I just got some antibiotics from the GP for it but know they only work for a while, if indeed they work at all.
I’m so sick of feeling like this, I just can’t snap out of it. I’ve always been a healthy person and these health scares have brought home to me that now I’m in my forties, the likelihood of getting a serious illness is increased. I don’t seem to be able to go a day without hearing about someone getting cancer – just today my sister told me her brother in law had been diagnosed and he’s not much older than me. 2 years ago a close friend died of a brain tumour and last year a mum at my children’s school died of the disease.
It’s so frustrating as I could have such a good life – nice home, nice family including two gorgeous kids, financial security and, just before my battle with health anxiety started, I left a horrible, stressful job for a much more enjoyable job with fewer, flexible hours. However, I don’t feel I’m doing it justice as my brain is forever wandering to my worries. My kids are very challenging which I feel is partly my fault as I just don’t have the energy to tackle their often poor behaviour and am forever snapping and yelling at them. I know my husband is sick of me and my mood and is annoyed that after spending a lot of money on private investigations, I’m still not happy.
I find that recently I’ve been waking at around 4am feeling panicky and cannot get back to sleep as my worries keep going round and round in my head. I’m forever going through my worries in my mind, rationalising them one by one. I keep thinking I’ve “put them to bed” but before I know it, I’ve started the cycle again and am back to square one!
I’m sorry for rambling on and congratulations if you’ve actually managed to read this far without falling asleep! However, writing it all down does seem to help. Can some of you relate to what I’m saying? Any words of wisdom?