Sorry can I have a moan?

[ponylover]

I'm so, so, so fed up. It's the end of term on saturday, and so I have no more work to do. I don't know anyone and have nothing to do so I'm in my room, and I've lost my phone and all my numbers so I can't even contact the friends that know about how I feel for some support.
I have to go home on Saturday, and although I'd rather be there than here, I've developed OCD symptoms since I left that my mum doesn't know about, and I have to make a real effort to appear normal around her because last time I really fell apart it destroyed or relationship, and I can't cope with that again. I'm stressing about having to pack tomorrow(compulsive checker and obsession with losing things - made even worse by losing my phone 2 days ago). I don't know what to do with myself, I'm just sitting here thinking and it's really not good for me, I've been derealised for hours, and random thoughts keep occuring to me and scaring me, and I'm just getting in a worse and worse state. I've been really good and have managed not to self harm since I've been here, mainly because I'm too busy, but at the moment I'm really having to resist the urge to go and get the sharpest thing I could find, and I'm panicking that I've started to obsess over that again. I'm sorry for ranting, but there is really noone else I can speak to, noone at uni knows of my problems, and I don't even have my phone. I'm so sorry, please feel free to ignore this message, I feel better just having written it.

[manmoor]

Hi Pony,

Isn't it great to have a wee moan now and again. If I didn't moan at least once a day I'd be in a tizzy lol. We are all here for each other through the good times and the bad. x

Take Care

Mandyxx

[ponylover]

Yes, definitely therapeutic. I'm trying to get myself together enough to go and have a shower, so that there's less chance of me going out razor shopping. I can't believe that after so long it's still so hard to fight it.

[ruthb1]

you moan all you want to hun, that why we are here to listen to each other.

we all have bad times hun but the good thing is that you are resisting to self harm that shows how strong a person you are.

dont give in to this bully, you bully it.

take care


ruth

[ponylover]

Thanks you so much for your replies, they really do mean so much to me. I can't normally confess to anyone when I feel like self-harming, and that just makes it worse, I'm so scared of it starting up again now I'm going to have more time, and last time it happened it was so bad that I should have gone to A&E a couple of times, and when my mum found the stains then she thought that I would kill myself, which I don't think I want to do, but I daren't let her know that I'm not well again.
Sorry for boring you with all this drivel, thank you for your kind replies.

[honeybee3939]

Hi Pony

Of course you can have a moan, its always good to get things off your chest!

Take a look at this post Pony it may help:

Self Harm (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=selfharm)

Love

Andrea
xxx



"If you have a worry turn it into a problem, you cant solve worrys but you can solve problems"