Over thinking/rehearsing social interactions

[wabbit1]

Does anyone else do this? If I have to go into a situation which will involve social interactions that aren't always done the same way I over think and rehearse what I'm going to do/say until I get so stressed and anxious I avoid the situation.

One example it going for a swim. It's a small community pool so very quiet. Therefore the desk isn't always manned and sometimes you have to ring the bell for service. So I have a plan for both situations and then I think about what else might happen. Like if there is no one there and I have to ring the bell - what happens if no one comes, do I ring it again in case they didn't hear it or will they think I'm being impatient. Or do I just leave, what happens if I decide to leave just as they get there - that'll look weird. In almost every scenario I convince myself I'm going to do something wrong and end up looking stupid. So I end up not going, I've known myself to sit in the car for an hour then drive off.

On the rare occasion I do manage not to back out it almost always goes fine and the sense of relief is great but it feels like a whole new struggle each time and it is exhausting having to summon the courage like that.

I tried explaining it to a friend once and they just looked at me as if I had 2 heads and told me to get over it - gee thanks.

Please tell my I'm not alone.

[ninnie]

Hi wabbit
no you are not alone.....
what is the worst that can happen in the scenarios? As long as no one dies.....its not so bad and dont worry....that is a really unlikely outcome.:ohmy:
and please dont take this the wrong way, but you really made me laugh.....
I imagine a lot of people will read what you have written and say...l have done that ! :roflmao:

---------- Post added at 22:53 ---------- Previous post was at 22:50 ----------

And if you look a bit bit weird , who cares.........most people look pretty weirc if you take a good look....I know I do:wacko:

[Ryan92]

Hi wabbit, Im like this too. I'll plan what Im going to say to someone but then I worry if something goes wrong. After I've talked to someone I'll even repeat what Ive said when Im on my own just to make sure I said everything right and didn't seem weird to that person :doh:

I was waiting for an appointment once and there were no chairs free so I had to stand which made me feel even more anxious, all it was about was a letter I received, I was waiting while standing for almost an hour :doh:

I was feeling worried of what the people around me were thinking of me like they might have thought I was weird or strange for just standing there for so long and if I went and asked where is the person Im supposed to see I'd worry they would think I was being impatient.

When some of the chairs were free to sit on I was very scared to sit on one as I was worrying someone might say 'that was my chair' or 'you idiot I was gonna sit there' or someone might have gave me a funny look.

I was also worried that I was getting in the way of other people if I carried on standing. I hope this gives you some reassurance that you're definitely not alone :)

[Ikaeoph]

Yes I have this.

[Oosh]

Definitely not alone, I've always been like this.

Now I just put a certain amount of prep in beforehand ie right change, avoiding busy times, knowing what my intentions are then I just try to glide through it, no fuss whilst not offending anyone in the process.
But nowhere in my plans am I going to be standing chatting.
Smile, good manners, that's it.
Once I know this I'm eventually going to want to not think about it and do it on autopilot.
Anything out of the ordinary happens and I'll respond with something polite.
I don't really have to have an answer prepared for every possible question.

I think il always scrutinise what I say. Some people are just wired like that. It's not all bad.

[wabbit1]

Thanks guys, I'm so glad it's not just me. I've spent my whole life thinking I'm all alone.

A few weeks ago I randomly met my cousin in the village I live in so I stopped the car and had a brief chat. Afterwards I was so in shock by the unexpected meet, and that's a relative, that I started the uncontrollable shaking and had to stop driving.

Though I'm feeling proud of myself tonight. My friend who I normally go to the running club with wasn't well so couldn't go. I always use her as my safety net as someone to talk to so wasn't sure how I would cope without her despite the fact that I've been going a year. I went and actually enjoyed it and had a great time. You would think that I would learn from that.

[Ryan92]

Thanks guys, I'm so glad it's not just me. I've spent my whole life thinking I'm all alone.

A few weeks ago I randomly met my cousin in the village I live in so I stopped the car and had a brief chat. Afterwards I was so in shock by the unexpected meet, and that's a relative, that I started the uncontrollable shaking and had to stop driving.

Though I'm feeling proud of myself tonight. My friend who I normally go to the running club with wasn't well so couldn't go. I always use her as my safety net as someone to talk to so wasn't sure how I would cope without her despite the fact that I've been going a year. I went and actually enjoyed it and had a great time. You would think that I would learn from that.

Well done :D, you definitely should feel proud of yourself :)

I saw a friend once that I had not seen for a few years and after we had a chat I was shaking and felt like I had butterflies in my stomach. I also feel the same after I've seen my uncle, dad, cousin or friend.