I dont know when it will end....

[**whenwillthisend**]

I feel my life is being completely wasted and ruined by this health anxiety...all i think about mainly is cancer, i feel it is a very sad situation for a young person like myself and others on here to be in, but i really dont know how to overcome it....i am constantly checking parts of my body for lumps etc....and am probably finding things that have always been there and dwelling on them, worrying they shouldnt be there....i cant actually believe how ive become like this, from the person i was to this worried, obssessed , scrawny person i am now-all because of my stupid worry of having cancer...something i dont know i will ever have, but i cant stop thinking about it-anything about people dying on tv in papers etc sends me to tears, and i even imagine myself in the same situation- i feel very sorry for my children and partner cos they dont have me fully most of me is consumed by this anxiety
im sorry to go on but what do we do-where does it all end.......i think my worry stems from the fact of not knowing if we will get horrible disease and the "what ifs" play on my mind.........i know im not the only one but i feel i cant go on like this anymore-and with xmas coming up, im dreading having to put on a front for my kids...i just cant feel happy with this huge black cloud looming over me.......CBT did not help me and i really dont know what to do next..
thanks for reading i needed to put my thoughts down in words
xx

[yorkylover]

Sorry to hear your having a bad time at the moment.Its all part of anxiety the way you are feeling.It will get better.Are you on any meds?Try and stay clear of tv programmes,like hospital programmes,try not to google.Googling is bad news and makes you more anxious.I used to be like you to.I have changed my way of thinking a bit now.

Ellen XX

[miss diagnosis]

I know exactly how you feel. Im the same. Im obsessed with illness.
I thnk it stems from the fact tha I lost my 16 year old neice in a car accident and 8 months later my dad died from cancer. My doc reckons im trnasfering my grief into other things instead of dealing with it.
She wont give me meds and im glad in one way. I was on cipramil before for PND and it messed me up.

I hope it helps to know that there are lots of us out there in the same boat. I found this website an absolute godsend.

[reddevil]

Hi,

Your not alone, i keep finding things, not sure if they have been there for years. just found lump under armpit but it might be muscle, but i'm worrying over it like mad.

I have stopped watching hospital programms on the TV as it tricks my brain into thinking I have something serious etc.

Red

[lass]

I know exactly where you are coming from. I feel that everytime I hear of something tragic, I take a bit more of it home with me, until I can't actually differentiate between someone elses life and my own - therefore their tragedies (in my head) become mine. I avoid reading magazines (because I know I have every terminal illness they mention) and I try to steer clear of TV programmes that might influence me. Not always easy though.

I just hate this ongoing battle I have, every minute of every day, with my own mind. There is (somewhere deep within) the old, positive me that tries to put things into perspective, but the big, bad negative voice can shout louder.

I feel guilty too with my husband and children - as you say, I'm just not 100% there for them, I'm too preoccupied with myself.

I also feel really bad that I can't support my friends in the way that they support me. One of my friend's Dads was recently diagnosed with stomach cancer, and she felt she couldn't tell me at first because it would make me worse. To be honest, she was right, but I don't want to be really selfish and not there for my friends if they need me, because they have been so patient with me.

I do have short spells when I feel more "normal" and people reassure me that these will become longer and the highly anxious times will be fewer and further between. I live in hope. I'm fed up with wasting my life on this, but sheer willpower alone doesn't seem to be enough.

I don't know the answer, but I find that keeping busy (without getting myself stressed out), organising nice "treats" for myself every few weeks or so (nights out, reiki, massage), eating healthily, taking supplements (5HTP seems to be going well for me, plus evening primrose and omega 3/6) and avoiding all the things that generally get me worrying, seems to help a bit. Plus counselling/CBT I think are of benefit to me, although sometimes get me thinking too much which isn't good. And I have started horse riding once a week, which is just brilliant therapy for me, I love it! And I am very proud of myself when I've been, because I absolutely cr*p myself before I get on the horse!!!

Can you go back to your doctor and see if there are any other options for you? Maybe get some reassurance on how you would KNOW if something was wrong, and see if there are any other treatments you can try, or a different therapist? Don't give up hope, I do believe there is something out there for all of us to improve our quality of life.

Caroline
xx

[luc]

Oh i think i wrote this,


ditto, ditto, ditto children, ditto, ditto, cancer, ditto ditto guilt, ditto wasting years, ditto partner guilt, ditto regret, !!!! lumps, bumps, avoidance, checking, nuetralising, strategies.

[erialc]

I can relate to this completely - I too have health anx and feel like I am wasting my life.
I jump from one illness to the next convinced I have it - Cancer is always the big one.

I have stopped reading women's mags and watching things on tv as I look for the symptoms

one day hopefully we will learn to live again without thinking about Cancer etc and enjoy the moment


xxxxxx Claire xxxxxxxx

[anxious]

I've lived with this for so many years, i don't know what its like to be 'normal' anymore.
Atleast we are not alone,

anx xx

[ImogensMummy]

I feel the same really, but mine seems to come in waves, I can have a few weeks that are normal, and then something happens and I'm back to worrying again. I also feel like my partner and daughter don't have me completely when I am preoccupied with worry.

[neon_skyline]

i know exactly how you feel... that sort of constant worry about becoming seriously ill. i guess the way i'm trying to deal with it is by thinking that what will happen will happen. anxiety won't change the course of my life, and if something's really seriously wrong with me i'll notice whether it's constantly on my mind or not.

the best thing you can do is look after yourself the best you can, and not attach other people's awful experiences onto your life. what i'm trying to say is, it's important to get to the stage where you can accept that anxiety does not change your fate.

don't google or watch hospital stuff on tv - just focus on your own life and think about how blessed you are to have beautiful children. i know for me it has helped me to focus on the best things in life.

i have also felt as frustrated and helpless as you - i can only say all this to you because i am having a few good days.

just know that you are not alone and although it's hard work, it is possible to find a way out, even if it is a lenghly and diffucult process which seems neverending. i know this because i am going through it myself.

xxx

[Janieb]

yes you must have read my mind!! expecially when it seems like a whole load of celebs and famous people have recently passed away because of Cancer!

Though I have to say the story of Jane Thomlinson gives us all hope that someone can have the will power and ability to fight cancer for close on 17 years in total (origional diagnosed 1990)! Now that is impressive if you ask me. My grandfather fought it for 10 all in all but it wasn't the cancer that killed him in the end if was a broken heart.

I have had these feelings since I was a little girl but my mom said it was a phase and I would grow out of it. I am 27 and the only thing I am growing out of is my trouses hehe.:blush:

I to wish this would end. I sit here atm worring I have a brain tumour, or something sinister is lurking in my head. It's annoying, I comfort eat, suffer from serious insomnia. I to just want this to end.....Doctor where are the majic pills? stop the roundabout I want to get off.

Just sending you lots of positive vibes and support as you can see your not alone :hugs: