allyp82
06-04-14, 13:42
Sorry for the long post I need to vent and am feeling very low today.
So I suffer from health anxiety and have done probably since I was in my early teens. I've been scared of many things - sudden adult death, pregnancy when I hadn't slept with anyone, heart problems after losing a family member, chronic pancreatitis are the main ones with many other fears along the way such as cancers, brain tumours etc.
However my current fear - liver cirrhosis (as was the pancreatitis fear) is a very real possibility given that I have abused alcohol for 9 years, self medicating my anxiety and depression. I'm 31 and started drinking heavily after the death of a family member. I've been drinking a bottle of wine a day sometimes slightly more. I have a 1 yr old daughter and didn't drink at all during my pregnancy but I haven't adapted well to motherhood and my anxiety and depression have returned as did the drinking, even though I intended to not go back to drinking heavily again. I just found it all too much and needed to relax in the evenings (which is what my drinking has always been about - I just want to relax!)
Anyway so I have been having itchy feet at night for ages, I can't remember if it started in pregnancy or before. It never went away after having my daughter and seemed to get worse. I just kept putting it to the back of my mind.
After Xmas I had a googling session and realised itchy feet can be from liver problems. I had a major panic, anxiety sky rockets and I went to A&E convinced I had cirrhosis. I also have fatigue and nausea and dry mouth. They tested my blood (all normal) and felt my liver. Lovely doctor spent ages talking to me, told me I have anxiety not cirrhosis to stop drinking and treat the anxiety.
I was reassured but only for a few days. So I booked myself a private ultrasound scan. All was normal but she flagged up possible enlargement of a bile duct - trigger even more anxiety! GP did a repeat ultrasound and it came up clear no enlarged bile duct.
Still worried about my liver, I booked a private fibroscan package (leaving me skint!) fibroscan measure fibrosis in the liver by soundwaves. Also had bloods and consultant appt with it. Bloods all normal and fibroscan was 'only just within normal range). The consultant was not very nice at all and kept shaking his head and saying he just 'didn't know' about this liver - great for my anxiety!!! He said to stop drinking and he'd see me in 6 months. Since then I've found out he is a well known specialist (having treated George best!) and hates alcohol so my husband and even my gp think he was scaring me to get me to stop drinking.
So I have no tests that say I have liver disease but my body says different. I was told my liver fat was slightly increased from the fibroscan but that didn't even show up on the ultrasound. The consultant also said that I should be having 6 month blood tests :-( the letter from him to my gp simply said I should abstain from alcohol for a period before restarting alcohol up to 10 units a week. Mixed messages!
So I started citalopram. The. I got petechiae on my arms and bruises - also cirrhosis symptoms so I stopped the citalopram thinking it may be further damaging my liver or stopping it from getting better. I now have what I think may be a spider angioma on my chest. I haven't drank alcohol for over 2 months (bar 3 drinks on Mother's Day which I regret) but I don't feel any better. My feet still itch and it's moved into my hands. I also have vague aching throbbing pains in my liver area which is a recent developement.
I feel sure there is something wrong with my liver and it's just a matter of time before it shows up on tests.
It's another 4 months till the next fibroscan and it feels forever. So tired of all this and its all my own fault as usual. I've been here before with a pancreatitis fear caused by alcohol 4 years ago! I might die from this and have to leave my daughter and it's my own fault!
Anyone had experience of liver cirrhosis?
So I suffer from health anxiety and have done probably since I was in my early teens. I've been scared of many things - sudden adult death, pregnancy when I hadn't slept with anyone, heart problems after losing a family member, chronic pancreatitis are the main ones with many other fears along the way such as cancers, brain tumours etc.
However my current fear - liver cirrhosis (as was the pancreatitis fear) is a very real possibility given that I have abused alcohol for 9 years, self medicating my anxiety and depression. I'm 31 and started drinking heavily after the death of a family member. I've been drinking a bottle of wine a day sometimes slightly more. I have a 1 yr old daughter and didn't drink at all during my pregnancy but I haven't adapted well to motherhood and my anxiety and depression have returned as did the drinking, even though I intended to not go back to drinking heavily again. I just found it all too much and needed to relax in the evenings (which is what my drinking has always been about - I just want to relax!)
Anyway so I have been having itchy feet at night for ages, I can't remember if it started in pregnancy or before. It never went away after having my daughter and seemed to get worse. I just kept putting it to the back of my mind.
After Xmas I had a googling session and realised itchy feet can be from liver problems. I had a major panic, anxiety sky rockets and I went to A&E convinced I had cirrhosis. I also have fatigue and nausea and dry mouth. They tested my blood (all normal) and felt my liver. Lovely doctor spent ages talking to me, told me I have anxiety not cirrhosis to stop drinking and treat the anxiety.
I was reassured but only for a few days. So I booked myself a private ultrasound scan. All was normal but she flagged up possible enlargement of a bile duct - trigger even more anxiety! GP did a repeat ultrasound and it came up clear no enlarged bile duct.
Still worried about my liver, I booked a private fibroscan package (leaving me skint!) fibroscan measure fibrosis in the liver by soundwaves. Also had bloods and consultant appt with it. Bloods all normal and fibroscan was 'only just within normal range). The consultant was not very nice at all and kept shaking his head and saying he just 'didn't know' about this liver - great for my anxiety!!! He said to stop drinking and he'd see me in 6 months. Since then I've found out he is a well known specialist (having treated George best!) and hates alcohol so my husband and even my gp think he was scaring me to get me to stop drinking.
So I have no tests that say I have liver disease but my body says different. I was told my liver fat was slightly increased from the fibroscan but that didn't even show up on the ultrasound. The consultant also said that I should be having 6 month blood tests :-( the letter from him to my gp simply said I should abstain from alcohol for a period before restarting alcohol up to 10 units a week. Mixed messages!
So I started citalopram. The. I got petechiae on my arms and bruises - also cirrhosis symptoms so I stopped the citalopram thinking it may be further damaging my liver or stopping it from getting better. I now have what I think may be a spider angioma on my chest. I haven't drank alcohol for over 2 months (bar 3 drinks on Mother's Day which I regret) but I don't feel any better. My feet still itch and it's moved into my hands. I also have vague aching throbbing pains in my liver area which is a recent developement.
I feel sure there is something wrong with my liver and it's just a matter of time before it shows up on tests.
It's another 4 months till the next fibroscan and it feels forever. So tired of all this and its all my own fault as usual. I've been here before with a pancreatitis fear caused by alcohol 4 years ago! I might die from this and have to leave my daughter and it's my own fault!
Anyone had experience of liver cirrhosis?