Advice - Feeling Like This & Time Off Work

[cloudbusting]

Hi NMP'ers

I hope that this is in the right section.

Just after your thoughts / advice really. It's becoming clearer and clearer to me that I am struggling big time with so many aspects of anxiety / panic disorder this time around (had this bout for six months now). I am trying all I can to get better but it's slow and exhausting, as you all know.

I sing in a band. Never have had an issue with the actual performances, apart from a few nerves before we go on, but I also manage us and do the lion's share of the work and I just can't face it right now. It has given rise to thoughts of leaving altogether and I'm not so sure that that would be a bad thing.

Then I think about the others (there are 5 of us) and how much time and effort they have all put in (and money) and the venues where we have dates booked and letting them down too.

We travel all over the place and gigs and practices can take me away from my family a lot sometimes, which I really, really dislike.

Just like any other job, could I ask for 'time off' do you think ? What if I do arrange a few months 'off' and then I'm still not better or still want to leave ? Or can anyone think of a better solution ?

I just don't know anymore, my head has been full of all of this for a few weeks now.

Thanks for reading.

Lisa x

[MyNameIsTerry]

You've got a lot of pressure on you with anxiety and this work so perhaps you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment?

You've said before that you really enjoy the singing. So, perhaps you need to take a step back from some of the things that are just too much at this time. Could the others shoulder the management role to see if that helps? This would save you having a time out from it all. Doing this would be in their interests as well.

It might give you some breathing space to assess whether you need to take the more serious action in taking time off.

Is this possible? Do you think it might help our be a worthy assessment Lisa?

[cloudbusting]

Hi Terry

I really appreciate your taking the time to reply.

I think that I could ask the others for more help with stuff, I'm just unsure of everything at the moment and wondering if this is the end of the road for me with them. I wouldn't even mind them carrying on with someone else, in fact that would be the ideal scenario as we have all worked hard to build it up.

I have got myself in a right tizz this morning just thinking about all of this :blush: Am on the verge of a panic. I think I shall go for a walk.

Lisa x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Good idea Lisa. Clear your head and watch what other people are up to for a bit.

You need to do what's right for you and your family, they want you better.

Perhaps the solution is for them to take more of a role in the management and look for someone to take your place so you can leave. I guess it depends on by stepping back from the management role, you fund you can cope with continuing.

Perhaps try it for a short time and reassess.

Sometimes a change in pace can give you the opportunity to regain some of your strength.

[Humly]

Are you able to discuss this with your band members. Maybe if they are aware of how you are feeling at the moment you can come up with a solution together. It sounds as if its putting too much pressure on you at a time when you need to take care of yourself first x

[cloudbusting]

Thanks, Both

Just had a shortish walk on the coastpath, gorgeous breezy day but flippin' cold !

Feel a bit better now, was certain I was going to tip over into panic before.

The others in the band do have an idea of what I've been going through, one of them had anxiety some years back and still uses his coping techniques now. They are a good bunch and we all get on great, but Humly, I think you have hit the nail on the head with this -
It sounds as if its putting too much pressure on you at a time when you need to take care of yourself first x
That has summed it up for me and thank you for that.

Terry, I think I am going to put all of this to them and suggest that they find someone else to take my place. I don't want it to stop altogether but I also really, truly feel that I can't carry on with it - certainly at the moment.

I don't even feel upset that I've written that !

Thanks again xoxox

[phil6]

Hi Lisa,
I think you have to decide whether the singing is something you value, and will enjoy doing when you are not anxious.
It's very difficult to get the answer to the above when you are feeling the way you do.
If you get a less anxious period in the day, maybe think about this then.
The thing about anxiety is your mind will want you to give up anything that you feel may be contributing to your anxiety. Many of us then drop a lot of things that they are doing in an effort to feel better. And when they don't feel better they find other things to withdraw from and avoid.
If your involvement in the group is definately something that you feel is a stressor and has lost its value then of course you should let people know and do what is best for you and your family. I am just saying that you need to be reasonably sure that it's not a decision made soley because of anxiety.
I suffered from anxiety whilst in a fairly stressful job. The job entailed a lot of training courses away from home. I eventually changed job to reduce this but still found I was anxious. I am retired now and have no work stressors, but part of me now wishes I had not retired as I am now struggling with lack of distraction. Many of my decisions were made by my anxiety. Like I say, if you are truly no longer enjoying the band and it's no longer a valued part of your life then why would you carry on. Just explain this to the others and you have no need to feel that you have let people down.
Phil

[blueangel]

I'd agree with this. My mother-in-law has suffered from anxiety for many years, but over time has become more and more agoraphobia. She doesn't see it as a problem at all - as far as she is concerned, she can run her life from the internet and with everyone coming to her.

However, it is really affecting my father-in-law. He wants them to be able to get out and do things while they're still fit enough (they're in their early 70s and still in good health), and he has also battled alcoholism which has been brought on by depression. I think he's well aware that he needs to occupy himself to reduce the risk of relapse, but m-in-law won't hear of any sort of treatment so he is running up a blind alley. It makes me very sad.

[Fishmanpa]

As a musician, I wanted to just give a viewpoint.

For most people, working is something they have to do. There's no enjoyment in it and it's my opinion, the vast majority are unhappy. For some, they live to work as opposed to having a life.

To be able to do something you love for a living is one of life's biggest blessings. As an artist/musician, to be able to play music and get paid is such a blessing. Of course, the music business is first and foremost a business. That's part of the territory but the rewards are great as well depending on how you run your business. The best singers and players out there sometimes never get anywhere due to the way their business is run. To be able to run your business effectively is another blessing as many artists don't possess the sense to do both (hence managers, agents etc.)

Now, concerning your illness and how it's affecting you. Since it's not the performance aspect that's causing you issues, I would suggest talking to your band mates about delegating the responsibility of the business aspect. My illness left me no choice but to step away from more work than I could accept and from a rather lucrative side business apart from my day job (which I happen to love as well). In the mean time I hope your illness doesn't stop you from doing what obviously you love doing.

Positive thoughts

[Pinkstrawb]

I've never been in a band but from the bands I know, some people need to take a bit of personal time! If you're good friends with the rest of your band, just try to explain what's going on. You don't need to be super detailed and just ask them for help with the major band responsibilities so you've got less on your plate. A bit of time without these added responsibilities will probably do wonders for you! And if you really feel that you need time off altogether, I'm sure they're going to understand and they can find someone to fill in. You can't do you job if you're not feeling 100%! Then when you're feeling ready and better about doing things, you can get back to it :) good luck with it!

[SarahH]

Oh I wish could sing in a band... how fantastic... don't give up if you love it..singing is great therapy.

Sarah

[cloudbusting]

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time and trouble to read and reply to me, it means a lot.

I have read your comments and suggestions. I am still in a muddle over what is the best thing to do about this but I have a vague plan.

I think that I shall see the others and fill them in on exactly what's happening and ask them if they can help me out or even completely take over some of the admin stuff for me.

We can try that for a month or two and then, if no improvement, think about getting a replacement - whether permanent or temporary, I won't know the answer to that just yet.

Really, thank you all so much.

Lisa x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Good luck Lisa. Its sounds like a good way to test if it helps and if it doesn't, at least you tried and you have to look at some other options.

Perhaps you'll be "running up that hill" again in no time!

[cloudbusting]

Perhaps you'll be "running up that hill" again in no time!

:winks: